Can't Talk Money With Your Man? Read This

Can't Talk Money With Your Man? Read This

In our “Power Hack” series, we highlight one quick thing you can do each week to improve your personal, career or money life.

Today, we’re offering you and your sweetheart a way to overcome financial differences—by walking in each other’s money shoes.

You know the old saying: Opposites attract.


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But while that type of chemistry may seem fun at first, it could potentially wreak havoc on a relationship—especially when it comes to managing your money together.

In fact, one well-known study found that tightwads and spendthrifts tend to marry each other. And the more they differed on the spending scale, the more likely they were to fight over money—and report being dissatisfied in their marriages.

Here’s one thoughtful strategy to help avoid that kind of discord: Temporarily “try on” your partner’s money personality by adopting some of your significant other's financial tendencies, says Olivia Mellan, a couples therapist, money coach and author of “Money Harmony: A Road Map for Individuals and Couples.”

This way, you can better see where your loved one is coming from the next time you’re gearing up for a financial fight.

Even if overspenders marry, one might turn into a superspender over the course of the relationship, making the other one seem like a saver.

Why It’s Worthy of Being Called a Power Hack There’s no denying that money can put a strain on your love life: Nearly half of people in a recent poll say that frequent disagreements over finances are a top source of stress in their relationships.

Perhaps contributing to the problem is the observation that even “if opposites don't attract right off the bat, [a couple will] eventually become opposite [in their money personalities],” Mellan says.

In other words, even if overspenders marry, one might turn into a superspender over the course of the relationship, making the other one seem like a saver by comparison. As a result, money arguments can still break out, even if you thought you were on the same financial page.

But Mellan says that trying on your partner’s money personality can serve as an “empathetic bridge" that can help you understand why your partner treats money in a certain way. Moreover, it can help you identify negative money habits that you may not even realize you have.

RELATED: Money Pillow Talk: a Peek at What Couples Really Discuss Late at Night

How to Get Hacking For starters, you need to determine just how you and your partner define your money personalities by reflecting on typical behaviors: Does buying something nice pain you, while your partner can make spontaneous purchases with ease? Does saving come second nature—or do you find it hard to earmark funds for the future?

Next up: Pick a day when you and your significant other can "swap" approaches to money. For instance, if you’re the saver and your partner is the spender, purchase a non-essential item you’d normally forgo that day—maybe a hardcover bestseller, or a new sweater for your sweetie—as long as the purchase fits within your budget.

Meanwhile, your partner can focus on taking a predetermined amount of money—perhaps an amount that’s equal to what she’d normally spend in a day—and transferring it into a savings or investment account.

At the end of the day, both of you should write down how it felt to go out of your financial comfort zones—and discuss how the exercise may have taught each of you to empathize with the other person’s money personality.

Equally important? Be sure to "share verbally what you appreciate about what the other person is doing," suggests Mellan. After all, perhaps your sweetie’s spending avoidance comes down to being proactive about retirement savings, or maybe his tendency to buy gifts is simply to show love.

The idea is that you can use these insights the next time the two of you are having a financial discussion—especially if it starts to get heated.

The final step of this exercise is the sweetest: Reward yourselves with a treat that reinforces the positive aspects of your behaviors. Perhaps it’s a date night at a restaurant you’ve been wanting to try, or maybe a joint gift that will remind you of that Caribbean vacation coming up in a few months that you’ve started saving toward.

Ultimately, Mellan says, it's about enabling you to communicate in a healthier way. Eventually you'll see that your partner will never be the same person as you—but it’s probably those special qualities that drew you to each other in the first place!

RELATED: 6 Financial Questions to Cover Before You Tie the Knot

We know money isn’t the most comfortable thing to talk—or even think—about. So we’re here to help! Save your goal and we’ll help you stick with it at!


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