In TV shows and movies, the typical divorce narrative is to portray women as celebrated victims. Meanwhile, men are depicted as silent sufferers who feel resentment, anger, depression and fear over lingering financial issues, relationship turmoil and worries over breaking up their families.
Off camera, the truth is that men don’t always have the tools—or the support—to deal with these very real concerns.
“Divorce is difficult for everyone involved, but it can be especially challenging for men who don’t typically express their feelings,” says David Blaylock, a LearnVest Planning Services certified financial planner™. “They want to keep their divorces private—and that’s not a good policy. You want a support system in place, just like any other major life change.”
Sure, the old adage is true: Time heals all wounds. But good advice helps too. The more men know about what to expect when they’re dissolving their marriages, the easier the process can be. So we consulted Bari Zell Weinberger, an expert divorce and family law attorney at Weinberger Law Group, as well as Blaylock, for the key dos and don’ts of what men need to know about the financial side of divorce.
1. Do Know the Numbers
For an average divorce, Weinberger says you should expect to pay about no less than $20,000, which includes lawyers and experts, real estate costs to divvy up shared marital property, finding a second place for you to live, as well as financial advice and therapy for you or your children.
That said, the cost of a divorce can still vary—and widely.
For instance, says Weinberger, the price can increase exponentially if your divorce requires niche experts, like a forensic accountant or a co-parenting counselor. Other pricey scenarios: You need to get your business evaluated (your ex is entitled to equitable distribution if you launched the business during the marriage, and even if you started your business before you were married, a spouse may be entitled to part of the increase in the business’s value), you have high net worth and need a best-interest evaluation or you’re facing a hotly contested custody battle with your soon-to-be ex. All of these situations could bump the price of your divorce up to the $50,000 to $100,000 range, and in some cases much more, Weinberger estimates.
However, adds Weinberger, if a man comes to her office with a straightforward divorce—where all the terms have already been decided, and communication is open between the partners—then the cost could be as low as $3,500. In fact, if you have a particularly simple situation, with no minor children or unusual financial circumstances, a divorce can run less than $500, with filing fees, Blaylock adds.
According to Weinberger, one other crucial element that men—and women—who are parents should think about if they’re embroiled in extreme litigation: The more money you spend on your divorce, the less money you have to give your kids. “You’re taking your children’s [college] education savings,” she says, “and you’re kissing one semester goodbye.”
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