9 Things You’re Embarrassed to Ask About Prenups

Alden Wicker

Prenup2If you’re a devotee of People and US Weekly—or you know someone who has gotten divorced—you’ve probably heard of the notorious prenup.

Part financial planning, part legal document and part romance-killer (or so say some people), a prenuptial agreement isn’t just for celebrities. It’s for anyone who likes to have stuff down in writing … before the divorce hits the fan.

We talked to LearnVest Planning Services certified financial planner™ Ellen Derrick and New York estate planning attorney Ann-Margaret Carrozza for their unbiased and expert opinions on the sensitive topic.

1. What is a prenup?

It’s a casual term for “prenuptial agreement” or an agreement you execute before getting married. In legal terms, “the most common purpose for a prenup is to determine who gets what in the event of a divorce,” Carrozza says.

If you get divorced, and you don’t have a prenup, state law may determine who receives which marital property—like money, the house, the car, etc. But if you have a prenup, the division of assets can be tailored to your specific situation, as agreed upon beforehand. It can make the divorce process go much smoother and faster—and hopefully save you money in the process.

2. Does getting a prenup mean that my fiancé doesn’t trust me?

“It absolutely doesn’t mean that they don’t love or trust you,” Derrick says. “Rather, it means that you’re trying to protect yourself and the other person—and you’re thinking about all of the possibilities. Nobody goes into marriage expecting to get divorced, but you want to think about the repercussions if that does happen.”
Carrozza looks at it even more positively. “It’s an opportunity for the couple to create a financial mission statement. Within a prenup, you go much further than just who gets what. You also outline your financial goals and priorities during the marriage, and use it as a blueprint to design your financial future with your partner.”
RELATED: The Cohabitation Agreement: A Prenup For Dating Couples

3. But I’m not wealthy. Do I really need one?

“It’s very common for someone with a degree of wealth to request a prenup,” Carrozza says. “But it can also be helpful to a partner with fewer assets because individuals will often quit a job or relocate prior to a marriage, and a prenup can ensure that they are made financially whole in the event of a breakup.” So if you quit your job to raise the kids, a prenup could specify that you get financial support from your spouse, since you may have a harder time finding new employment.

Derrick brings up another common scenario: Let’s say you’ve agreed to support your spouse through college, you’ve paid the tuition or you’ve helped to pay off your spouse’s student loans. Then, five years later, you’re divorced, your ex has gotten a free education … and you’re out several thousand dollars. “You can fight over that in divorce court,” Derrick says. Or you could spell things out before you find yourself in such a sticky situation.

RELATED: 3 People, 1 Big Student Loan Debt: My Make-Ends-Meet Plan

  • sallybrown12

    Great article. I wish there was an easier way to print it though I had to print each page separately.

  • Unitee777

    My husband and I got a prenup, but not for any of the above listed reasons. Just a thought for anyone thinking about it…my husband pays child support for a child he had before we met. We made a prenup to make sure that in all cases, my assets would be protected from any child support dispute that may come up over the next 11 years (til child is 18). We also keep one checking account and one savings account completely separate without his name anywhere on it for this same purpose.

    • Linda TCL

      We have a prenup too, and were told to keep our assets separate. However, we want to finance some things together for our house remodeling. Do you know if that will create a problem as far as the validity of the prenup? Thanks.

  • Barbara Ruge

    My daughter married her husband and he had fathered a child. She had inherited money from my grandma and once her college was paid for she had enough for a house and a boat and car. Well flash forward several years and the DA in our county tried to put liens on the boat, car and house. My mom had insisted on a prenup and the items had been bought from that trust account. Well there was egg on the DA’s face when the judge said you can’t attach that that was bought with premarital assets he was pissed.

  • Steve Joseph

    Ladies, if your man makes more money than you, do NOT get married with a pre-nup and then have children. You will lose out on this deal. It will be your body, your sick days, your personal time from work, your career set backs ..and then he’ll leave you for a younger woman and come out way ahead of you financially speaking. Please do NOT do it. Just think: he wouldn’t be insisting on a pre-nup so hard if he didn’t lack the faith in you, your relationship and his own ability to be faithful to you once you get old. He knows himself even better than you do. If he’s telling you the marriage won’t last, believe him. If he’s telling you he wants to keep his assets and money after he’s done using you, believe him. He’s not lying. Take this warning. DO NOT SIGN!!! Run.

    • NEC

      You can always put in the agreement that a percentage of his salary for “x” amount of years if you two were to split up. This agreement is a good idea for everyone-just make sure that if you’re making less money that there is a paragraph in there ensuring you’re taken care of financially.

    • iCrap

      because only husbands cheat on wives and wives never cheat on husbands? i’d be damned if my wife cheated on me AND took me to the cleaners.

      • Steve Joseph

        True but regardless of what pessimistic men tell you, alimony is never granted with proof of adultery.

  • pjsmith99

    Does getting a prenup mean that my fiancé doesn’t trust me?

    Er yes of course it does!