Should I Buy A Wedding Gift If I’m Not Invited To The Wedding?

Dear Farnoosh,

A friend-of-a-friend just got married, is back from her honeymoon, and has invited me to her new home for dinner. I wasn’t invited to her wedding (we’re not super close) so I never got her a gift. I was invited to her shower (last minute) but was unable to attend. I did plan to get her a gift then but didn’t have access to the registry. Do I bring her a wedding gift now that we’re planning on getting together? I’m not really sure what’s appropriate or what to get her.

Thanks in advance,


Dear K.D.,

She invited you to her shower but not her wedding? That is odd (and, brides: not recommended).

Indeed, it doesn’t seem like you’re close friends, evidenced by the fact that she did not invite you to her ceremony…and although she did invite you to her shower, you weren’t exactly on the A list. She shouldn’t expect a wedding gift from you, nor should you feel inclined to buy her one.

That said, I think you ought to get her a small gift now that you’re meeting up—but not to be mistaken as a belated wedding present. Give her what you would thoughtfully offer anyone you’re visiting for the first time at her new house: a house-warming gift. My suggested budget for this is no more than $20, much less than a wedding gift.

Since you may not really know her style or how she’s decorated her home, here are a few gift solutions that should work. If you’re crafty you can always make her something, as well.

Click through our slideshow for four of my favorite gift ideas!

View Slide Show


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  • Anonymous

    Farnoosh, should the person owe her a shower gift?

  • Anonymous

    My feeling is that it’s not necessary. The friend invited her at the last minute and didn’t invite her to the wedding…so it’s clear the bride herself is not that aware of certain etiquette. If at the time of the shower invitation she had felt compelled to get her a gift, that would have been a more appropriate time.