When Your Boyfriend’s Wealthy Mom Doesn’t Think You’re Good Enough

When Your Boyfriend’s Wealthy Mom Doesn’t Think You’re Good Enough

Dear Farnoosh,

My boyfriend’s parents are crazy wealthy. My family is not. While my relationship with him is not impacted by this (we’ve been going on seven months strong!), I do get the feeling that his mom doesn’t think I’m good enough for her son (what mom doesn’t, right?) but I feel sometimes she unfairly judges me based on my family’s mainstream status; both my parents are teachers. My boyfriend insists I’m imagining things and says his mom thinks I’m “great” but I can’t help but feel insecure around her.  I’m afraid this is going to get to the better of me and I might say or do something I’ll regret later.


Complex Cassie

You’re right about one thing, Cassie: Moms can be a bit protective of their sons.  What you might be sensing is just her natural motherly inclination to be overly curious about the young woman he’s dating.  After all, you might be the gal who officially becomes the permanent leading lady in his life (if you haven’t already).  Her questions may come off as strange, but there’s no sense in reading into everything she does or says at this point. It’s enough to make you go crazy… and strain your relationship with your boyfriend.

Don’t Jump to Conclusions

We see it all the time in film and television. Jane Fonda played a fabulously scary Monster-in-Law to J.Lo; there was always some mother-in-law mess on Everybody Loves Raymond. I do suspect you’re stressing yourself out more than you should; don’t mistake her inquisitiveness for an implication that she thinks you’re unworthy or insufficient of her family’s love simply because you didn’t grow up with elite private schooling and wealthy parents. Just give her the benefit of the doubt.

Take the Lead

Now, if she does anything intentionally to hurt your feelings, then you should take independent action. Manage the relationship without getting your boyfriend caught in the middle. I would recommend inviting her to lunch, just the two of you, to share some one-on-one time. Maybe she just needs to get to know you better. Bring up how highly you think of her son, and talk up your amazing family and all that they’ve taught you and helped you become. That, and spoil her with compliments. Moms love that! If you and her son have been together seven months strong, she ought to see how happy her son is. That’s frankly all a mother really hopes for—to see her children in happy, healthy, loving relationships.


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