The Engagement Ring: Is It Tacky To Pay For It Myself?

The Engagement Ring: Is It Tacky To Pay For It Myself?

Dear Farnoosh,

 

I’m getting married next spring, and I have my heart set on a wedding ring outside of my fiancé’s budget. I’m pretty laidback when it comes to the rest of the wedding planning, but I don’t want to settle when it comes to the ring. Would it be tacky to pay for it myself?

 

Ring Zilla

 

 

Yes.  A groom paying for his bride’s wedding ring is a long-standing tradition that I, for one, think is worth keeping. It’s his gift to you, after all, just as you will be presenting him with a ring of his own. That being said, there are a few moves you can make before ruling out your ring entirely:

1. Offer To Cover More Shared Wedding Expenses

The way I see it, you can go one of two ways on this. On one hand, you can strive for a change of heart and search harder for a more affordable ring (ask friends and family if they know a trusted jeweler to help you out). Otherwise, suggest to your beloved that you relieve him of a few of your shared wedding costs—like the DJ, limo service, or the doves—since you’re so set on this pricy of priciest rings. Covering some of the extraneous costs can help him to better afford your upscale ring selection.

2. Be Mindful Of The Budget—Yours And His

Only go through with covering a larger share of the event expenses if you can afford to. Don’t go down this path if it means using your credit card and paying back just the minimum each month. The key is to find a way to meet each other halfway, to get a ring you love and manage to stay within budget. After all, your offer to take over some of the extra wedding costs won’t be a gift to him at all if you start your marriage in debt.

3. Ask For Your Fiancé’s Thoughts

If you handle more of the event expenses on your end, suggest the plan to your fiancé and see what he says. Even if he doesn’t like that plan, he may have a unique strategy to suggest. Maybe he knows a way to crunch the numbers and make it work. As with any and all money conversations you have with your partner, be patient, respectful, and open-minded. I’m sure he will search for a way to make you happy–but be careful not to take advantage of his big heart by letting him take out a bank loan or an extra credit card to afford your ring.

4. Remember That Your Wedding Doesn’t Eclipse Your Future

The two of you should want to save as much money as you can as you enter this new, wonderful stage in your relationship. Falling into debt to pay for a wedding and the ring of your dreams (no matter how exquisite it may be) just won’t seem worth it down the road when it may mean an inability to afford some of the other, bigger expenses you will undeniably want. This may include things like a mortgage, childcare, family vacations, a second home by the beach, etc. It’s admirable for young marrying couples to realize the limits to what they can afford and stick to a reasonable wedding budget. Hey, you can always vow to work hard, save up, and revisit the wedding of your wildest dreams later on in your marriage.  And, yes, that can also mean finally getting the ring you’ve been patiently waiting for.

Follow Farnoosh On Twitter! @FARNOOSH

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