That’s the attitude of the women featured in The New York Times article “In Marriage, the Unseen Bottom Line.” The author polls her friends (highly educated, mid-30s, in relationships and most with jobs and children) and finds out most have largely pooled at least some money with their partners to cover joint expenses.

And then stepped back.

Largely, they prefer to keep some of their own money in a personal account and deposit only a portion into a joint account. “I know that a lot of my spending is frivolous, and I couldn’t defend it if you shoved a spreadsheet in my face,” says one friend quoted in the piece. Others agree, citing reasons such as a “buffer” to go over the agreed-upon budget as justification.

There is nothing wrong whatsoever with keeping some money in your own name. Your retirement accounts at the very least should be all yours, and having savings and assets will keep you from ending up in dire straits in case of divorce or a partner’s death. The problem here is that these women control their own money for buying shoes (seriously, that’s why one of the women keeps her money separate) but not their larger finances.

The author writes that only one woman she spoke to controlled the household finances, half don’t know the interest rate on their joint mortgages and nearly half don’t remember the password to their joint bank accounts–because they don’t want to.

Where to start? Caitlin Moran, author of “How to Be a Woman,” puts it nicely in the piece: “Money is possibilities and the ability to change and shape your life. If you don’t control your finances you don’t control your life.”

We couldn’t agree more. The reader confession from a woman who had always let her husband control the finances and found that she “didn’t exist” after her divorce springs to mind. We can’t emphasize enough how important it is to have a hand in your household finances–to have assets in your name, to know where your bank accounts are, to have an emergency fund, to actively contribute to your retirement accounts.

Our CEO and founder Alexa von Tobel spoke to the necessity of financial knowledge in her recent TED Talk, and LearnVest supplies the tools you need to take control of your finances, from Financial Planners to Bootcamps to the My Money Center. Whether you’re avoiding your money like the plague or dutifully setting your budget and tracking your spending, there’s always room for improvement.

So go ahead.

http://www.bluecollarworkman.com/ TB and BlueCollarWorkman
ACtually, my wife handles the finances and I just do what she says regarding money. Guess it wouldn’t hurt for me to take a peek at what’s going on with our finances!
- terrilynnmerritts
  That is so refreshing to hear from a guy. My husband would be like that if I let him but I insist on us doing it together. Otherwise, he trusts me completely. You sound like you have a nice relationship.
2Deuces
If one spouse (too often the man) finds that he is handling most of the financial stuff, the couple needs to spend at least some time making sure the other spouse is prepared to handle these matters in case of illness, divorce or death. Each spouse needs their own credit history, as well as knowledge of investments and bills.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VC26IZNURPOE5E3NI7CQK5V3QY Joey D
You seem to be conflating two arguments here. On one hand, of course household finances should be overseen by both householders. It’s very dangerous to just hand over your portion of the mortgage and assume it’s getting paid.
On the other hand, reserving income not needed for household expenses, and above and beyond retirement and emergency savings, is the absolute right of the person who earned it. If these women make enough money to afford fancy shoes, then they should be allowed to buy fancy shoes, without anyone arguing with them over it. My husband knows that 5% of my salary goes into a 401(k), another 5% into a Roth, and a certain percentage into joint and individual savings, beyond what goes into the household expenses account (which also includes paycheck-by-paycheck savings amounts for necessary items like repairs, appliances, and furniture). Beyond that, except where we have agreed to pay for other things like a vacation or luxury (not necessity) for the household jointly, what I do with my “disposable income” is none of his business.
- terrilynnmerritts
  None of his business? Wow, you have a VERY different marriage than mine. I can’t imagine my husband or me ever telling the other that what we do with any money is none of the other’s business. We have all of ours in joint accounts and neither of us feel the need to hoard or hide money. The money is direct deposited and we both know what we have and can spend whatever we want with no permission needed. It’s not mine nor his-it is ours.
terrilynnmerritts
My husband and I have everything jointly owned and I am the one who does the budget but he helps keep up with the banking and other finances and we make decisions together. He has always had me listed as the co-owner of his retirement funds.
We apparently have a unique marriage from what I am reading in different places. We have been married for year, adore one another, treat each other with respect always (no fighting and screaming, just discussion), and spend our free time together. He even calls me on his lunch hour at work and we spent the time talking while he eats. We nurture our marriage and each other. There is trust between us.
We work together on financial goals and handling money. Neither of us smoke, drink, use drugs, gamble-or want to- nor do we cheat on each other. We even have the passwords to one another’s online accounts and email. If you don’t have this kind of trust, yes, you do have to worry about hiding away money and better do just that.
CleoBarker
Its so funny because out of the two of us, I make the most money. We also have separate bank accounts (even though we both have access to each others’) and divvy up the bills that way. We trust each other solely with money, but it avoids unnecessary fights/friction. My parents and his ALWAYS fought about money, so we found this to work very well for us. We both go over our finances for the month and deposit a set amount into our joint savings account each paycheck. Whatever is not in savings is budgeted towards whatever bills will be due and personal budgeted spending. I have a retirement account that gets 7% of my pay that is solely mine. If we plan on making a big purchase, we discuss it for at least 3 days and we will take the amount back out of the savings account to purchase it. I also have a personal credit card and he has a bank account from before we were married, and he will generally put away a small amount of money there a month for dire emergencies, its one of those, out of sight out of mind accounts . We used to go over finances with a lot more scrutiny because I was once an impulsive spender and it really became a problem in the first year of our marriage. Now that its going on year three now, we already have an emergency fund, a decent retirement account, and savings set aside for an anticipated first child. And I’m only 22 years old, and hubby is 25.
- CleoBarker
  I’d also just like to add that a lot more males seem to take interest in finances at a younger age than females do. All the articles coming out lately on how to teach young children about finances and budgeting is stellar. Next thing you know playing house will include balancing checkbooks too.

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