Money Mic: I’m Scared to Pay Off My Student Loans

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lindsay meredithIn our Money Mic series, we hand over the podium to people with controversial views about money. These are their views, not ours, but we welcome your responses.

Today, one woman explains why she can’t quite get excited about eliminating a debt that’s followed her for nearly ten years: her student loans.

If all goes according to plan, my last student loan will be paid in full this June. I’ll be debt-free at 29.

The thing is, nearly $40,000 and eight years later, I know how to be in debt. Debt-free? Not so much.

I’m good at being in debt. I know how to juggle payments and budget for automatic debits and track my payoff progress. I know what I’m supposed to do with my money when I’m in debt: Use it to pay my debts down.

When I’m debt-free, what should I do with my extra cash? Save for retirement? Take a vacation? The options are overwhelming, and I’m afraid I’ll make the wrong choice.

I feel like paying off my student loans represents some kind of line in the sand: On one side, it’s O.K. to be unsure and unsettled. On the other side, it’s not. I’m moving toward that other side, and I haven’t made it to sure and settled quite yet.

How I Got Used to Living With Debt

My relationship with debt began at the tender age of 21, when I started my one-year master’s program in education.

I was lucky enough to have my parents pay for my undergraduate degree, so the concept of being in debt was abstract, and I was blasé. After all, this was before the recession, when credit cards were handed out like candy bars on college campuses and everyone I knew was up to their eyeballs in debt. I quite literally didn’t think twice about signing on to $25,000 in student loans, or getting a candy bar—er, credit card—and charging it to the max. I’d pay it off later, right?

By the time I started my first “real” job as a high school history teacher in the fall of 2007, I had come to rely on that credit card. Living in one of the most expensive zip codes in the nation, near Washington, D.C., didn’t help matters. My rent ate up over half of my monthly income, and I had so many other bills to pay that I was barely able to make a dent in my debt.

Around the time I got that first job, I had taken out a personal loan to pay off my credit card debt at a lower interest rate than the card offered. Smart, right? Well, not if you turn around and charge your credit card up again … which, of course, I did. At the point that I realized I had almost doubled my debt to nearly $40,000 in less than a year—a low, low moment that led to my first full-blown panic attack—I vowed to get my finances under control.

Almost overnight, I started working more and spending less. I froze my credit card in a block of ice and switched to using only cash. I canceled my cable, stopped eating out and signed on to work in every after-school tutoring program that would take me. I even had a friend cut my hair to save money on salon costs. I had no free time and got very little sleep during those months, but I didn’t care: I was going to pay off my credit cards or I was going to die trying.

RELATED: I Spent 6 Years Living Without Credit

My All-Out Effort to Whittle It Down

I used the extra cash to pay off my $6,000 of credit card debt, then my $5,500 private student loan, then my $10,000 car loan. I was good at being in debt, and I got really good at paying it off; I had become addicted to the high that came with cutting down the balance of a loan. I started to live for the pleasure of seeing a $0.00 in the ‘total due’ section of my online accounts. To be honest, I started to become a little insufferable after a while—I was a woman obsessed, and nothing was going to stop me from becoming debt-free.

However, I slowed down once my only remaining debt was $10,000 of my $18,500 federal student loan. I knew that at the end of my rapidly approaching seventh year of teaching I would be entitled to student loan forgiveness, because I was teaching at a Title I (high-poverty) school. So, ready for a break from the extreme frugality of the last five years, I decided to just make minimum payments until that time. Besides, my minimum of $219.72 per month was hardly a king’s ransom—I could definitely live with that payment for a few more years.

RELATED: 7 Federal Student Loan Payback Plans to Know

Slowly, I started loosening the purse strings. I got my cable back, and rehired my hairstylist. I allowed myself to get takeout once a week and went on a few weekend trips. Life was feeling comfortable again, and much less stressful—I wasn’t wasting money, but I wasn’t driving myself nuts trying to conserve it either.

Then, about six months ago, I started thinking about how my life would be changing soon. My debt would be gone—for good. It suddenly occurred to me that I’d have to make real decisions about what to do next with my finances and, by extension, my life.

And that is when I started to panic.

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  • Mizzy Smith

    Hello everyone,
    My name is mizzy, I am from the Texas, United State, am here to testify of how i got my loan from Mr William Smith {williamsmithloancompany60@gmail.com} after i applied Two times from various loan lenders who claimed to be lenders right in this forum,i thought their lending where real and i applied but they never gave me loan. I was in need of an urgent loan to start a business and i applied from various loan lenders who promised to help me but they never gave me the loan.Until a friend of mine introduce me to Mr William Smith the C.E.O of William Smith Loan Company who promised to help me with a loan of my desire and he really did as he promised without any form of delay, I never thought there are still reliable loan lenders until i met Mr William Smith, who really help me with my loan and changed my lief for better. I don’t know if you are in need of an urgent loan, free feel to contact Mr William Smith on his email{ williamsmithloancompany60@gmail.com} for help.

  • Samantha Jeff

    Hello, I am Samantha Jeff, currently living in Texas city, USA. I am a widow at the moment with Four kids and i was stuck in a financial situation in May 2014 and i needed to refinance and pay my bills. I tried seeking loans from various loan firms both private and corporate but never with success, and most banks declined my credit. But as God would have it, I was introduced to a Man of God a private loan lender who gave me a loan of 350,000USD and today am a business owner and my kids are doing well at the moment, if you must contact any firm with reference to securing a loan without collateral , no credit check, no co signer with just 2% interest rate and better repayment plans and schedule, please contact Mr Andre Frank (Frankloancompany@yahoo.com). He doesn’t know that am doing this but am so happy now and i decided to let people know more about him and also i want God to bless him more. You can contact him through his email . Frankloancompany@yahoo.com

  • Sholaclark Deleivery

    Do you need an urgent loan or financial services? Contact charitycorporation@gmail.com / http://charitycorporation.gnbo.com.ng

  • Johnny Elvis

    A MUST READ:

    Good day everyone, I am Mr Johnny Elvis by name, i am a citizen of new york USA, i have been looking forward for a genuine loan company for the past 2 months and all i got was group of scams who made me to trust them and at the end of the day, they duped me of $7000 without giving anything in return, all my hope was lost, i got confused and frustrated,i find it very difficult to feed my family, i never wanted to have anything to do with loan companies on net again, because i never trusted any loan company again since i was scammed, so i went to borrow some money from a friend, i told him all that happened and he said he can help me, that he knows a loan company that can help me, that he just got a loan from them, he directed me on how to apply for the loan, i did as he told me, i applied, though i never believed but i tried and to my greatest surprise my loan was granted to me within 24 hours, i could not believe, i am happy and rich again and i am thanking God that upon this scams all over the places a genuine company like this still exist, please i advise everyone out there who are in need of loan and can be reliable, trusted and capable of paying back at the due time of funds to contact (eladioloancompany@yahoo.com ) and be free from scams on the internet. they will never disappoint you.

  • Lena brick

    Hi , i am Mrs Lena brick from Australia who have been a scam victim to so many fake lenders online between February last year till April this year but i thank my creator so much that he has finally smiled on me by directing me to this new lender who put a smile on my face by not scamming me and also by not not deceiving or lying to me but however this lender whose name is Mrs Queeneth Stark gave me a loan which amount is $ 50,000 united states dollars converted to Australia dollars after my agreement to their company terms and conditions and one significant thing i love about this loan company is its fast service and also its God fearing attitude for not been like other fake lenders online who scammed me before now by asking me to bring fees upon fees without getting the results of all those fees payment that i made to them but all the same , i still give glory to god that my storm is over now and i am now that busy woman that i used to be and also my business is now booming here in my country because i now have much capital to do my business properly without having to go and meet my bank for any assistant . Thank you queeneth stark loan company for this dream come through and i promise to try all my best to refer your loan company to others who are in need currently just as the way i once was .. thanks so much over and over a again and may god guide you all . here is there email to contact them if you need loan too .. mrsqueenethstarkloanagency@admin.in.th and here is another email address to reach them mrsstarkloans@aol.com

    Thank you all
    From ,
    Lena brick .

  • john cliton

    Below is his loan encouraging words. For loan lenders Are you financially down and need loan? Do you need loan to pay off credits and debts? Do you need finance to set up your own business? Do you need loans to carry out large projects? Do you need college loan? Do you need funding for various other processes? email contact: oscarloanfinance@hotmail.

  • mr ayoub

    Hello,
    This is to inform the general public that Mr ayoub , a private loan lender has open up a financial opportunity for everyone in need of any financial help. We give out loan at 2% interest rate to individuals, firms and companies under a clear and understandable terms and condition. contact us today by e-mail at: (mr_ayoub323@hotmail.com).or call us on this number +19546669208

  • mr ayoub

    Are you in any financial crisis? Do you need a LOAN to refinance your home, or expand your business? Do you need LOAN to settle urgent debts and stay with one lender? Do you need LOAN to pay off your bills etc? ranging from of $10,000 to $150,000,000.00 USD/EURO/POUNDS Get your no obligation FREE quote now! Repayments up to 54 Months. No Collateral, Money paid into your account within 24 hours after approval. If you are interested in obtaining a LOAN, do not hesitate to send your request to us via e-mail: mr_ayoub323@hotmail.com or call us phone +19546669208

  • Samantha Jeff

    Hello everyone,
    My name is Samantha Jeff, I am from the Texas, United State, am here to testify of how i got my loan from Mr Andre Frank {frankloancompany@yahoo.com} after i applied Two times from various loan lenders who claimed to be lenders right in this forum,i thought their lending where real and i applied but they never gave me loan. I was in need of an urgent loan to start a business and i applied from various loan lenders who promised to help but they never gave me the loan.Until a friend of mine introduce me to Mr Andre Frank the C.E.O of Andre Frank Loan Company who promised to help me with a loan of my desire and he really did as he promised without any form of delay, I never thought there are still reliable loan lenders until i met Mr Andre Frank, who really help me with my loan and changed my lief for better. I don’t know if you are in need of an urgent loan, free feel to contact Mr Andre Frank on his email{ Frankloancompany@yahoo.com} for help……

  • Lauren Travis

    HOW I GOT MY LOAN FROM A GENUINE LOAN LENDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Hello everyone!!!

    My name is MRS LAUREN TRAVIS A CITIZEN of USA. i have been scammed by 3 different Internet international lender, they all promise to give me a loan after making me pay several fees which yield nothing and amounted to no positive result. i lost my hard earn money and it was a total of 10,000USD. One day as i was browsing through the internet with tears on my eye i came across a testimony of man who was also scammed and eventually got linked to a legit loan company called ALVAROLOANCOMPANY where he finally got his loan, so i decided to contact the same loan company and then told them my story on how i have been scammed by 3 different loan company, l made the right choice of contacting them. i filled the loan application form and proceeded, I explain to the company by mail and all they told me was to cry no more because i will get my loan in their company and also made that which was requested of me and I was given a loan amount of $85,000 Dollars by this great Company (ALVAROLOANCOMPANY} managed by Mr.ALVARO AMARANTO and here i am today happy because ALVAROLOANCOMPANY has given me a loan so i made a vow to my self that i will keep testifying on the internet on how i got my loan. Do you need a loan urgently kindly and quickly contact ALVAROLOANCOMPANY now for your loan via email:alvaroloancompany@yahoo.com
    Thank You All For Your Understanding.

    Mrs.Lauren Travis

  • john cliton

    Good Day I am John cliton from United state of America, i stayed in Alabama, and i have a broke up business, until i found this company email who help me to gain a loan for business, and now i want to used this short medium to congratulate the company for the fast and safe money they loan to me without any form of collateral, i loan 98,000.00USD form the company to save my business and lots more, i saw their mail on the internet, everyone always give testimony for what they did, so i quickly contacted them and they all did everything for me without stress and my money was sent to my account 24hrs later, i was surprise and feel glad, now i now have a standard business control agent who help me, now i will advice those who need urgent loan to contact them at oscarloanfinance@hotmail.com

  • john cliton

    Good Day I am John cliton from United state of America, i stayed in Alabama, and i have a broke up business, until i found this company email who help me to gain a loan for business, and now i want to used this short medium to congratulate the company for the fast and safe money they loan to me without any form of collateral, i loan 98,000.00USD form the company to save my business and lots more, i saw their mail on the internet, everyone always give testimony for what they did, so i quickly contacted them and they all did everything for me without stress and my money was sent to my account 24hrs later, i was surprise and feel glad, now i now have a standard business control agent who help me, now i will advice those who need urgent loan to contact them at oscarloanfinance@hotmail.com he is a very Good man and I know that he will help you immediately.

  • Samantha Jeff

    Hello everyone,
    My name is Samantha Jeff, I am from the Texas, United State, am here to testify of how i got my loan from Mr Andre Frank {frankloancompany@yahoo.com} after i applied Two times from various loan lenders who claimed to be lenders right in this forum,i thought their lending where real and i applied but they never gave me loan. I was in need of an urgent loan to start a business and i applied from various loan lenders who promised to help but they never gave me the loan.Until a friend of mine introduce me to Mr Andre Frank the C.E.O of Andre Frank Loan Company who promised to help me with a loan of my desire and he really did as he promised without any form of delay, I never thought there are still reliable loan lenders until i met Mr Andre Frank, who really help me with my loan and changed my lief for better. I don’t know if you are in need of an urgent loan, free feel to contact Mr Andre Frank on his email{ Frankloancompany@yahoo.com} for help

  • Samantha Jeff

    Hello, I am Samantha Jeff, currently living in Texas city, USA. I am a widow at the moment with Four kids and i was stuck in a financial situation in May 2014 and i needed to refinance and pay my bills. I tried seeking loans from various loan firms both private and corporate but never with success, and most banks declined my credit. But as God would have it, I was introduced to a Man of God a private loan lender who gave me a loan of 350,000USD and today am a business owner and my kids are doing well at the moment, if you must contact any firm with reference to securing a loan without collateral , no credit check, no co signer with just 2% interest rate and better repayment plans and schedule, please contact Mr Andre Frank (Frankloancompany@yahoo.com). He doesn’t know that am doing this but am so happy now and i decided to let people know more about him and also i want God to bless him more. You can contact him through his email . Frankloancompany@yahoo.com

  • Lauren Travis

    HOW I GOT MY LOAN FROM A GENUINE LOAN LENDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Hello everyone!!!

    My
    name is MRS LAUREN TRAVIS A CITIZEN of USA. i have been scammed by 3
    different Internet international lender, they all promise to give me a
    loan after making me pay several fees which yield nothing and amounted
    to no positive result. i lost my hard earn money and it was a total of
    10,000USD. One day as i was browsing through the internet with tears on
    my eye i came across a testimony of man who was also scammed and
    eventually got linked to a legit loan company called ALVAROLOANCOMPANY
    where he finally got his loan, so i decided to contact the same loan
    company and then told them my story on how i have been scammed by 3
    different loan company, l made the right choice of contacting them. i
    filled the loan application form and proceeded, I explain to the company
    by mail and all they told me was to cry no more because i will get my
    loan in their company and also made that which was requested of me and I
    was given a loan amount of $85,000 Dollars by this great Company
    (ALVAROLOANCOMPANY} managed by Mr.ALVARO AMARANTO and here i am today
    happy because ALVAROLOANCOMPANY has given me a loan so i made a vow to
    my self that i will keep testifying on the internet on how i got my
    loan. Do you need a loan urgently kindly and quickly contact
    ALVAROLOANCOMPANY now for your loan via
    email:alvaroloancompany@yahoo.com
    Thank You All For Your Understanding.

    Mrs.Lauren Travis………………..

  • Mr Jimoh Ibrahim

    DEAR BELOVED

    You are welcome to Mr Jimoh Ibrahim LOAN FIRM COMPANY is an independent
    financial institution. We have built up an excellent reputation over the
    years in providing various types of loans to thousands of our customers.
    We Offer guaranteed loan services of any amount to citizens and
    non-citizens at 3% interest rate per year.At Jimoh Ibrahim LOAN FIRM COMPANY,we
    offer easy personal loans, commercial/business loan, car loan,
    leasing/equipment finance, debt consolidation loan, home loan, for all
    citizens and non-citizens with either a good or bad credit history. If you
    are interested in our above loan offer, let Mr Jimoh Ibrahim LOAN FIRM COMPANY,
    assist you today by filling the below information and return to us
    for more details via email:jimohibrahimloanfirm@hotmail.com

    APPLICANT’S DETAILS:

    * Name Of Applicant:
    * Address Of Applicant:
    * City:
    * ID Number:
    * State:
    * Country:
    * Gender:
    * Marital Status:
    * Age:
    * Monthly Income Rate:
    * Occupation:
    * Tel:/ Mobile:
    * Mobile:
    * Amount Requested:
    * Loan Duration:
    *Purpose for Loan;

    Thanks as we look forward to hear from you quick.

    Regards
    Mr Jimoh Ibrahim
    M/D

  • Lena brick

    Hi , i am Mrs Lena brick from Australia who have been a scam victim to so many fake lenders online between February last year till April this year but i thank my creator so much that he has finally smiled on me by directing me to this new lender who put a smile on my face by not scamming me and also by not not deceiving or lying to me but however this lender whose name is Mrs Queeneth Stark gave me a loan which amount is $ 50,000 united states dollars converted to Australia dollars after my agreement to their company terms and conditions and one significant thing i love about this loan company is its fast service and also its God fearing attitude for not been like other fake lenders online who scammed me before now by asking me to bring fees upon fees without getting the results of all those fees payment that i made to them but all the same , i still give glory to god that my storm is over now and i am now that busy woman that i used to be and also my business is now booming here in my country because i now have much capital to do my business properly without having to go and meet my bank for any assistant . Thank you queeneth stark loan company for this dream come through and i promise to try all my best to refer your loan company to others who are in need currently just as the way i once was .. thanks so much over and over a again and may god guide you all . here is there email to contact them if you need loan too .. mrsqueenethstarkloanagency@admin.in.th and here is another email address to reach them mrsstarkloans@aol.com

    Thank you all
    From ,
    Lena brick .

  • john cliton

    Good Day I am John cliton from United state of America, i stayed in Alabama, and i have a broke up business, until i found this company email who help me to gain a loan for business, and now i want to used this short medium to congratulate the company for the fast and safe money they loan to me without any form of collateral, i loan 98,000.00USD form the company to save my business and lots more, i saw their mail on the internet, everyone always give testimony for what they did, so i quickly contacted them and they all did everything for me without stress and my money was sent to my account 24hrs later, i was surprise and feel glad, now i now have a standard business control agent who help me, now i will advice those who need urgent loan to contact them at oscarloanfinance@hotmail.com he is a very Good man and I know that he will help you immediately.

  • Samantha Jeff

    Hello everyone,
    My name is Samantha Jeff, I am from the Texas, United State, am here to testify of how i got my loan from Mr Andre Frank {frankloancompany@yahoo.com} after i applied Two times from various loan lenders who claimed to be lenders right in this forum,i thought their lending where real and i applied but they never gave me loan. I was in need of an urgent loan to start a business and i applied from various loan lenders who promised to help but they never gave me the loan.Until a friend of mine introduce me to Mr Andre Frank the C.E.O of Andre Frank Loan Company who promised to help me with a loan of my desire and he really did as he promised without any form of delay, I never thought there are still reliable loan lenders until i met Mr Andre Frank, who really help me with my loan and changed my lief for better. I don’t know if you are in need of an urgent loan, free feel to contact Mr Andre Frank on his email{ Frankloancompany@yahoo.com} for help

  • Dani Santo

    I am Engr Edwin by name, A born citizen of New Zealand, But due to my business i reside and i live in Canada. I have to tell the world about what pleased me most about my experience with fidelity Loans, It was their fantastic low rates of granting loans to the world. I compared their rates to other title loan stores locally and online, and theirs was the lowest i found. Their service was courteous, professional, durable and above all complete. fidelity loans were Prof Daniel Jones is the head of the department of grant loans, Many thanks to you and your team for finally granting me my dream loan amount i have searched for months back. Thanks again to you all, I mean the entire staff of Fidelity loans. Without any benefit of doubt in me, I will want to recommend this loan firm that has really surprised me with my loan amount after meeting up with there terms and conditions without any form of scam activities. There email is as follows: fidelityloanfirm@outlook.com webite_http://fidelityloanfirm.webs.com/ to anyone in need of a speedy and secure loan.