Where Do You Draw the Line With Adult Children?

Jacqui Kenyon
Posted

adult childrenThe sandwich generation. Not-so-empty nesters. Parents of boomerang kids.

Whatever you call it, the trend is undeniable. Parents are increasingly supporting their children financially through college and beyond: 48% of middle-aged adults with grown children gave them financial support last year, and 27% were the primary source of cash flow for their kids, according to Pew Research.

For the kids themselves, it’s become the norm. They’re increasingly assuming that their parents will bankroll them into their mid-20s, according to a survey from Allstate and Junior Achievement USA. Nearly a quarter of teens think that they will rely on their parents financially until at least 25, a staggering increase from 12% two years ago.

Cathy Roberts, a Washington, D.C., counselor who has worked extensively with parents and adult children, says that the millennial generation receives a great deal more support than the boomers ever did.

Why? Well, the economy is bad, and it’s tough for a lot of kids to find work in their chosen fields after college. But there’s more to it than that, say some experts.

“Some parents, particularly those who live in wealthy, urban areas, can afford to support their adult children,” Roberts says. “They either want or feel pressure to maintain the lifestyle their kids experienced while they were growing up once they reach an adult age.”

RELATED: 7 Steps to Setting Your Kid Free Financially

She adds that this leaves some moms and dads feeling more like banks than parents, which can cause resentment and even rifts in families.

So, we asked our readers: When it comes to your grown kids and your cash, where do you draw the line?

Retirement Planning

  • Catherine Sherrill

    Words from a “Boomerang Child”:

    I am 26 now. Moved out when I was 17 to dual enroll at a local college for a year then moved 2hrs away from home to go to a university. My mom paid for my tuition and books (as long as my grades were good) and gave me $300 a month towards expenses (as long as I was enrolled in school). I had to get a job to pay for the rest of my bills and rent. I decided that college wasn’t for me after 2 years, and I knew when I made that decision all money would stop coming from my mom, and it did.

    My husband and I will do something very similar with our kids when the time comes. Except we won’t force them to go to college until they have a PLAN! Many kids these days like myself, are in college flip flopping degrees at their parents expense because they do not have a plan. We will sit down with our boys when the time comes to map out their goals.

    • Annabella

      The question was for Parents with grown Kids, not your experience.

      • Annabella sucks

        why are you an asshole, she can say w.e she wants, she was shedding some light on a topic that was very one-sidedly reported. if you have a problem with that go take that problem and find a place to stick it up, if theres any room of course with all those sticks

      • Mikka Luu

        Your comment was disrespectful. It’s utterly sad how adults around your age speak to younger adults. It’s quite sickening actually.

        • Annabella

          I stick to what I said.

          • Lily Mcardle

            I agree you are rude. I did enjoy reading what Catherine had to say. As a parent is nice to hear from adult kids as well as the parents.

          • Annabella

            good can finally sleep now. smfh

          • Lawrence P

            First time poster here, it was the disrespectful remaks of Annabella that made me get off the side line and say something, the feeling she/he conveys to those reading this are contentious and show a lack of respect for others.
            It is not the bite of the poisonous snake the kills, its chasing after the
            snake that drives the poison to the heart. My reommendations are avoid the posting by her/him.

      • Joe

        Completely rude and disrespectful. I found Catherine’s input extremely insightful. Yours, not so much.

        • lmk

          adults today great the twenty somethings today is astonishing. I foundget insight relevant to the article and as well relevant insight from the opposite side. your comment was rude, and distasteful, and frankly unnecessary. you added no insight or opunion…. but instead chose to knock a comment from someone else. mature.

  • http://twitter.com/FransLKoster Frans Koster

    This article is a bit one-sided – which is understandable given who was interviewed and the piece’s intention. But let me add some perspective from my generation. I am 27 years old. I have an undergraduate and graduate degree. I am gainfully employed – good salary, full benefits. I have relatively small student debt. By all accounts I am ahead of the curve. But all the above attributes are not enough in the new economy. To get an apartment or house rental, landlords still require me to have a cosigner. I don’t own a car, but public transportation costs are rising almost every year, sometimes by as much as 20% at a time. My student loan servicer has an unfathomable billing policy, whereby if I pay more than the minimum requirement my subsequent bill will be smaller or simply not show up, and then the bill after that will be larger, making budgeting far more of a chore than it ought to be and incetivising minimum payments and extended debt.
    I HATE relying on my parents and those of my significant other, with whom I now live. It makes my skin crawl. It makes me doubt myself as a man, a human being, a hard worker. But the times are what they are.
    Don’t think that we “boomerang children” enjoy hurtling through the air, achieving all our prent-inspired educational goals, confident after so many assurances of our exceptionalism in our own specialness, only to come crashing back through the parental door, trying to keep our heads from hanging in complete shame and helplessness as we beg for another damn handout. It’s not any more fun for us than it is for you.
    I will teach my son about insurance, real estate, debt, and personal finance as soon as he starts his first job (I have worked since I was 14, with very, very few breaks). And if he has the bad luck to live through economic crisis caused by circumstances so totally out of his control his own government can’t stop them, I will support him as much as he needs, as my family has done for me. And I will bleed for his self-worth as I do so, because I know how much it hurts.

    • Mikaela

      Couldn’t agree more. I moved out when I was 17, went to university, and then moved to a different country when I was 21 to establish my career. I have been financially independent from my parents since that age, even though I don’t necessarily make a lot of money. But you learn to work within your means. Financial independence is crucial because it teaches young adults that they must learn to confront the challenges of the ‘real world’, which I think makes them far more responsible and better off.

      • Mikaela

        I should also add, to give a bit of background, that my parents and I have a very healthy & communicative relationship, (not to mention, they do have the financial means to support me) – but what would I have accomplished if I had them to fall back on? We mutually decided that financial support would stifle my independence as a growing professional.

      • Josh Jones

        Learning to work within your means is the key factor! Knowing that you will not be able to have everything you want, when you want it. That is the problem with the current generation, because many have been given anything their heart desires!

    • angeldia

      I so completely agree with you! Although I was the opposite in that the more they gave —the more I expected it… I was pretty much spoiled rotten, coddled…yes I completely a agree that when I graduated from highschool I seriously thought that my parents wouldn’t have problems supporting me until I graduate college. Then —I was never very much of a saver—I would try to save but it was more of an attitude where “It’s only x amount of dollars, no big deal.” I’ll save with my next check, I promise! :p Yea, that never happened…. spent a lot of money on clothes, friends etc… I go to college, become an “over-giver” mostly because I want to not for anything else. Of course, all my friends enjoyed the giving and would nudge me in giving often- basically turning this into a virtue to give to your friends and family. Wasn’t until I realized that I can’t remember what I’m spending from one day to the next…I was surprised that the two people that have always given the most are now feeling like I had to give some back….that’s when I was like “Sorry, I spent it all”…and then some :P
      Then they feel resentful and I feel guilty and it wasn’t good. Now, it’s just horrible with the bad economy because I can’t find a job- feel like I have to find a way to pay back my parents and can’t…>.< It was completely humiliating- like a dog with his tail between his legs- to come back to them because I had no where to go….*sigh*

    • Travman

      Ridiculous, you get an extra job, or two. With two degrees you still expect others to pay your way?The way you do it is work your butt off with as many jobs as it takes to be self sufficient and more importantly you don’t buy anything that you absolutely can live without. No TV cable service, no cell phone, no internet service, no nights out drinking or dining, all this so that your borrowed (or gift money) is not necessary. It amazes me how people will mooch off their parents or anyone stupid enough to allow it.

      • Mini pearl

        My parents were poor…when I went to college I worked 3 jobs and if I had spam and kraft dinner omg I was living good! Many years later I live A very good life and never have to eat Spam again. I sacrificed for 5 years and now I’m trying to teach my children the same values. Work for what you have…you will appreciate it that much more.

  • Ginger

    It is not because jobs are not available, but because my generation is “too good” to do what we deem to be underneath us. We all think we’re going to be important, sit at a cushy job, or do “something big” when there are jobs available — but they are typically jobs that involve labor. It’s ironic that the very same parents who coddled us by telling us we were special and we could “do anything” are now continuing that support decades into what most societies and cultures count as adulthood. I’m a little embarrassed of my own generation.

    • http://twitter.com/FransLKoster Frans Koster

      I disagree. I spent more than two years lugging junk from houses that ranged from mildly unpleasant to making an episode of Hoarders look like the Ritz. The hours were long, the pay awful, the work brutal. I also spent several years as a lifeguard at an indoor pool, which meant getting up at 4:30 am to watch people who shouldn’t be wearing bikinis swim laps badly. Oh, there was the month I spent on a tugboat (not unionized), which was a 4 am to 6 pm gig, factoring in commute. And Starbucks. All of this, by the way, with a college degree. Want to know the irony? After working jobs like that, I’m damn lucky I got hired by a non-labor job. And because I went to college, getting the labor jobs was difficult.
      It’s really easy to say that my generation deems certain types of work “beneath us,” but that really isn’t true, as my experience shows. In fact, those labor jobs are difficult to get because often employers consider them “beneath us” – they bank on the fact that as soon as we find something better, we’ll move on, wreaking havoc on consistency and turnover.

  • Paige T.

    I’m 31, haven’t lived at home since I left for college, which my parents thankfully assisted me with – mainly living expenses while in college. Even those were relatively low since I chose a smaller college and worked several jobs to help with cost. I graduated, found a job and have worked consistently since then. I am still paying off my college loans(all in my name), drive a paid off car and own my own home.

    My brother, on the other hand, is 29 and has “boomeranged” between my parents and my houses since high school. He’s a great kid but just seems to be someone who loves to learn but took longer to develop the follow through. My parents have paid for police academy (at a time when cities are laying off police force), electrician (couldn’t find an apprenticeship) and now wants to train for occupational safety. He works as a security officer, when he lived with parents he was allowed to live without any responsibilities.

    When he asked to live with me, because he felt they were treating him like a kid, I gave him 30 days to find a job, charged him rent of 33% of each paycheck he brought in (usually around $150-$300/month) and made a list of chores he was responsible for. At the time, my mother thought I was completely unreasonable. But it gave him a structure that he never had recognized before. He lived with me for 2 years before finding a much better paying job near my parents. He currently lives at their house, works all the over-time he can and pays them anywhere between $300-$500 per month and buys groceries for the entire household.

    I firmly believe that if my parents(mainly my mom) would have just been more structured in what was expected of him early on, he wouldn’t have struggled for the past 10 years, but he appears to be on the right track.

  • Boomerwrong Child

    I’m 25 and just moved back home, not because I wasn’t “making it on my own” but because I found a really, really great job in my desired field – unfortunately it is located in my very, very small hometown.

    I am used to being out on my own and prefer some space, but my parent’s insisted I live at home to save money and because there aren’t any rental options in the tiny town (plus my job requires 50% travel and they didn’t want me throwing away money on a rental when I wouldn’t be there most of the time.) When I first moved home, I offered to pay rent and buy food but my parents refused to let me help out (justification is they no longer have a mortgage). They struggled when they were first getting started and want to help us kids in any way possible. I should mention I do buy some groceries, but its nothing near to my fair share, and I fill up all the vehicles with gasoline whenever I’m out.

    My parents are very generous and loving, I wouldn’t trade them for the world. However, anytime I talk about “moving out” or living at home as “temporary”, it causes an awkward conversation. I’ve continued to offer to pay rent and its almost offensive to them.

    Is anyone else in this backwards boomerang scenario? Not letting me pay my fair share is really making me feel like I need to walk on eggshells around here.

    • BoomerangRetiree

      Perhaps if your parents really don’t need the money, you can persuade them to take your checks and invest them, in case either they or you run into an unforeseen emergency down the road. That’s how my boomerang situation played out.

      Many years ago, I had to move back in with my parents after graduate school. When I found a job, I looked at my parents’ bank statement, figured out what their household expenses were, and wrote them a check for half that amount every month. I told them that I’d been living with roommates for eight years, and would feel much more comfortable if we shared expenses 50-50.

      They told me that they didn’t need the money, but that they’d take my “rent” and put it away in case I ever needed help later on. The first $2,000 every year they put in an IRA for me, and the rest they put in CDs–this was in the early 1980′s when CDs were paying over 10% interest. By time I moved out in 1986, these savings had grown to $50,000, and when interest rates on CDs went down I moved the money into stocks.
      Ten years later, when my parents passed away, they left me another $150,000, which I also moved from CDs to stocks.

      Eventually, I did indeed need help. I was laid off in 2011 at age 62, I couldn’t find another job, and my severance and unemployment ran out in April 2013. Without the money from my parents, I would have had to take reduced Social Security benefits and begin digging into my 401K. But as it is, I can live off my parents’ money till I’m 70, and then begin my Social Security and 401K drawdown.

      My point is that if paying rent helps you feel more grown-up right now, you certainly should persuade your parents to take your checks. But if they really don’t need the money, there is a good chance you’ll ultimately end up getting support from their estate.

  • JJ

    I’m 29. I was lucky as an undergrad. Thanks to scholarship I only came out with about $6K in loan debt from 5 years. My parents gave me $300/month while I was in college and I worked to pay for everything else – including books, rent, etc.

    I got out of college and couldn’t find a job. I looked and looked and looked. I fell back on food service and got into credit card debt and a bad relationship that only compounded that (my ex probably owes me around $8k after running up various credit cards, etc. but I’ll never see that again).

    My mom offered to let me move back in so I could get back on my feet and I took her up on it. I worked as a bartender and thankfully since I didn’t have any real living expenses (other than buying groceries) I put basically all of my money towards my debts and paid them off.

    But I still couldn’t find a job so I bit the bullet and went back to get my MBA. I’ve got my MBA, I got married, I moved out of my mom’s house and my now husband and I are buying our first house. Thanks to my MBA I got a decent paying job (mid 40′s). But I’m $60K back in debt due to student loans (and I went to a public state university) although that’s the only debt I have.

    And it sucks. I pay $500/month in student loans, my husband pays $120/month. We live on a very tight budget and we track every expenditure. But we’re cutting it down as much as possible. I do take heart in the fact that we’re both saving for retirement and building up an emergency fund but it can definitely be hard when you realize that you’re doing everything “right” and still struggling. And it’s especially disheartening to realize that I’ll be paying my loans until I’m 54 and my kids are in college.

    We hope to have kids within the next two years. How will we afford it? Daycare is expensive! No clue, but I’m almost 30 and I feel like I’ve spent my life waiting on hold. You used to be able to graduate high school, find a decent paying job, work hard and live comfortably middle class. We don’t go out to eat (I cook 6 days a week and we eat vegetarian for 2 – 3 of those meals since meat is expensive), or on the rare occasions we do we split one entree and a salad with waters. We spend the majority of our time at home. No house phone, no cable, only rent occasionally from the Redbox (no expensive movies tickets), etc. It’s hard. It’s disheartening. If the American dream was ever real, it’s not something I’ve experienced.

    And I’m so grateful to my mom for helping me and allowing me to focus on paying my debts off after the problems I had. Without her I’d be in much worse shape. That being said, I lived with my mom for two years and I highly doubt she would have put up with much more. I always knew that there was a limit, although it was never explicitly said, and I hated having to rely on my mom – it chips away at you to know that you’re 25 and living with your mom? How lame is that?

    I do think I’d do the same for my kids as long as I could see there was an effort on their part. My mom never let me coast, but she definitely supported me when I needed it the most.

    • http://www.facebook.com/lisa.raymond.180 Lisa Raymond

      This is not just for the above boomerang child, but if you have thousands in student debt, wouldn’t it make more sense to rent, save every dime you can and then pay it off early and begin saving for a house? I think may times, kids see how their parents live after 30 or 40 years of working and expect to live the same way from the start. My husband and I rented some pretty small and not too nice places before we could pay off all debt and buy a house. I never expected to graduate from college, get a job and then buy everything, including cars, houses, boats, motorcycles, computers, etc. I knew it would take decades to reach the level of my parents. Just as my children know it will take them a long time and a lot of effort. And those good old days? Ask your parents about some of the places they lived in straight out of high school and working “comfortably middle class” and things they had to do to pay bills before they could afford the dream home. (Starter houses are now 2500 sqft, and have every available convenience)

      • Liz

        When I purchased a home, the mortgage payments were about half of what my rent was (in a not so great apartment). And with my home, I gained property so I can grow my own food and further save money. The accumulated savings are now going to pay of grad school loans and the house at a faster clip than I ever would have been able to as a renter, and I have the benefit of building equity.

        • JJ

          I’m with Liz. My husband was Navy so thanks to the VA home loan we have a ridiculously low interest rate. Since we don’t have to pay PMI, our mortgage and insurance is actually less than we pay to rent (plus we saved up a decent downpayment). Our home certainly isn’t big or fancy (small 3 bdr cosmetic fixer upper ranch in a cheaper suburb) but at least we’re building equity.

      • Gena

        I agree. Even after pounding in the importance of savings and living within your means to the kids, it saddens me to see they still believe they are entitled to have a lifestyle that matches our current one. I busted my ass through college and so did my husband. We both sacrificed to build up what we have – but that isn’t registering for some reason, and I think with the internet age, kids see all sorts of stuff they should “have” that doesn’t match reality.
        Regarding boomerang kids – I left my parents house when I was 18. I did receive help (sometimes) but for the most part, I was on my own. Hey – I lived with six people at once, rent was low. I waited tables and earned a heck of a lot more than minimum wage. Even after college (which I paid for myself) I still got by on my own.
        I think the biggest reason why kids move back is because they are unwilling to reduce their standards. Oh well. Guess what. Living with your parents, who have built up their household over a long period of time, does not equate to what one deserves. period, end of story.

  • caitlinbates

    I’m almost 26 and just moved back in with my parents in March. I graduated college in 2009 and moved home for about 6-8 months to save money at the job I had. I’d moved a lot since then, but always on my own/with roommates. I lost my job in June of 2012 and was depleting my savings while trying to find new work. I honestly refused to move back home, because I don’t enjoy relying on other people to keep afloat. Not to mention my parents live an hour outside of the city. They offered for me to break my lease and move back home and I said no until my lease was up in Feb. and I was totally out of money. I landed a part time job but it was an “on call” type job, so obviously I still spent every day I wasn’t working looking. I’m still looking, and I am completely grateful that I have parents who are able to support me and I can fall back on, but I’m also so eager to get more work so I can move out and be independent again. They did pay for my tuition, and I don’t pay rent, but I also pay my own cell phone bill, and I do all the chores around the house [cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, etc.]. My parents are also in the process of redoing their kitchen DIY style, so I’ve been helping out there too by sanding and painting cabinets, installing glass tile, etc. I realize they’ve paid out a lot for me over time and still are, so I try to repay them back anyway I can now while I don’t have much of an income. But once I am off on my own I also plan on actually trying to pay some things back to them, whether they ask/want me to or not.

  • Jean

    My sister-in-law still supports her 40 year old daughter and has on and off (mostly on for the past 20 years). She only seems able to keep a job for a few months at most and then it takes 6 to 12 months to get a new one.

  • Katherine Wang

    I lived at home with my parents for six years (I’m now 29). I held a decent salary (around 40K) for most of that time but to them it didn’t justify moving out. One year I was unemployed but during that year I cooked dinner for my parents every night to make myself feel useful as I applied for grad school. They loved it!

    I never paid rent just utilities. My parents gave me around $7,000 for tuition but otherwise I’m paying off my own student debt. My parents own a duplex and they are against renting it out because of previous bad experience with tenants. So I just filled the space that would otherwise be empty anyway. During these six years, I bought and paid off a new car, traveled to Asia and Europe, contributed to a retirement plan and set up my emergency savings. I’ve only now moved out with my fiancee. I guess I’m from a culture that is okay with their grown children living at home until they can stand on their two feet. Thanks to my parents’ generosity I don’t have to constantly worry about going into debt and I can have the energy to work toward goals like buying a house and planning a wedding next year.

    Actually even now, my parents keep on trying to convince me to come back home! I think they miss me.

  • rubymer

    I would not have made it without my parents help. They took out loans for college along side the ones I took out and they let me live at home for two years after graduating: I was only making 13$/ hour at first as a temp and when I finally went up to 18$ it still took me a while to get my debt under control. I paid off all credit card debt and a small private student loan and 40% of my auto loan in that time. I am 25 now and have lived in my apartment for 5 months. I only have my auto loan and student loans totaling 40,000 now which, although large, is not impossible, even if I am only making that per year now.

  • Crystal Kopp

    As one of these adult kids, I want to chime in. I’m 29 years old and actually have never left home. I went to community college then the college I transferred to, one of the best liberal arts colleges in the nation, was a 15 minutes drive from home and so I didn’t move into the dorms. My parents were recovering from bankruptcy at the time and didn’t qualify for parent loans (which they did with my sister a few years later) so living at home was their way of helping me save money. Thanks to lots of hard work I got lots of scholarships, worked part time while in school (which allowed me to make my own car payments) I only graduated with 4 grand of student loans. I graduated in 2007 just as the economy started to tank.

    All my plans tanked as well: I didn’t get a teaching job, while working a job I hated I applied to graduate school, didn’t get in. I walked around lost and resentful in an office job that took advantage of me and emotionally abused me. I continued to live with my parents rent free with them paying my car insurance and phone bill as well. Part of me thinks they felt somewhat responsible: they drilled in me to work hard in school and college and I’d get a good job. They didn’t want me to suffer like they did. Meanwhile my younger sister who never really cared for school only got an A.A., moved out, got married and makes more than me as a waitress and a working actress.

    I’ve had a new job for over a year now in which the work environment isn’t toxic. I’ve gone back to therapy and have been diagnosed as Type II Bipolar and am now on medication for it. The Bipolar really played into my lack of money skills which got me in credit card debt which didn’t help my being able to move out. I’m now working on my chipping away at my debt, am back in school full time (while working full time luckily most classes are online) for a different career path, a decision that took a lot of thinking over after original career plans fell through (I’m now going to be a funeral director). I’m working on the money issues in therapy and learning new skills. Skills I was never taught before.

    While I’m still living rent free with my parents and will probably be there another 2 years max, I’ve come a long way. I no longer want to be a complete leech and have set nights I buy and cook dinners, I clean and vacuum the house on weekends, I treat my parents to little things here and there to show them I appreciate all they have done for me. My dad loves when I bring him home a Pepsi Throwback and the other day after hearing my mom talk about wanting new clothespins I found some and got them for her. We all have a bit of a morbid sense of humor and I tell them with my new career path they won’t have to worry about paying for their cremations.

    I am finally learning to take control and make things happen instead of waiting for them to happen. I have a plan that revolves around 2 years from now: I will have my debt paid off then, I will be graduating from my program and starting my paid apprenticeship and I would like to then move out.

    I am very thankful for my parents taking care of their adult child and would advise other adult children living at home to sit down and talk with their parents like I did about coming up with a plan to help around the house. And a timeline in which you plan life goals and when to move out.

  • NAP1986

    This article is completely ignores the economic reality facing college graduates and conveniently overlooks the diversity of reasons college graduates may choose to live at home. I received my bachelor’s degree in 2009 from a public liberal arts college. Despite receiving merit scholarships from the state and the college, I still graduated with $15,000 in debt for my modest living expenses with no parental support.

    Though I had a good job when I graduated, I chose to live at home not only to save money and be able to pay my student loans, but also to help take care of my diabetic mother who needed full-time care following surgery, transportation following regular medical appointments that leave her unable to drive, and needs to be monitored in case of a blood-sugar crash. I also helped care for my elderly grandmother.

    Staying at home and saving money was also the only way for me to move ahead with my career. I realized I needed to go back to school to get a professional Master’s degree as my bachelor’s degree has left me and many of my friends with virtually no meaningful career paths with enough earning potential to even pay off our loans. I’ve spent probably close to $8,000 taking night classes, taking standardized exams, paying for applications, and flying to interviews all over the country to get into a Master’s program. Fortunately, I have been accepted and will start in the fall. I would be stuck in a dead-end job though, with no prospect of advancement, if I did not stay at home and save money for 2 years.

    And I was one of the lucky ones. When I graduated in May 2009, the unemployment rate was 9.4%. I have many college-educated friends who are competing with hundreds of applicants for retail or service jobs, which do not use their education or even pay well enough to make payments on their loans. The 9 to 5 office job with benefits is a relic of the past that your generation squandered. Most of my friends who are not working in retail or service jobs are working at a small business or startup with no benefits, are working 10 to 12 hour days with no over-time pay, are expected to be “on-call” at all hours, and may are “working” for free just to gain experience in their desired field.

    Do you honestly think the 22 year old college graduates are responsible for this economy? No, it was our parents’ generation, who took out housing loans they could not afford, overspent on their credit cards, and voted for politicians to lower tax rates (destroying the social safety net and contributing to wealth inequality) and deregulate the industries that have defrauded America.

    Do your research next time, instead of writing a self-congratulatory and self-righteous article blaming the current generation for the excesses and selfishness of their elders.

    • http://profiles.google.com/slweal Sara Weal

      What graduate program are you going for?

    • Al

      @nap1986: I am 59 and hold a doctorate degree. My experience was that those who set up good work habits way back in high school and stuck to them through college and grad school ended up with good jobs when school was over. The slackers or average ended up back home in mama’s basement.
      Furthermore I never worked 9 to 5 (more like 7 till 6:30) and was always self employed. I work with a lot of families and watch kids grow to be very successful right out of school and self sufficient in the current economy. It really does seem like the cream rises to the top while the sludge settles for the basement.
      Ultimately it is a personal decision between child and parent. If the adult child needs help and tries his best to move forward in a quiet clean lifestyle then it may work out for awhile. If they bring back their sloven, noisy frat house lifestyle and sleep till noon most days….. well then adios.

  • semibee

    I am 31, have a college degree, and I live with my parents. My job with the city government was down-sized to part-time about 4 years ago, but they let me keep my full benefits and a fully-subsidized monthly bus pass so I’ve stayed and worked at other part-time jobs when necessary to make ends meet.

    My parents rule for their kids is pretty simple and has been in place since I was 15 (and I’m the oldest): if you live at home, you live rent-free only if you’re going to school. Once you graduate, you pay $200 a month for rent. Chores have always been an expected part of living in a household with other people; anyone over the age of 3 doesn’t do chores is kind of horrifying to me, and I kind of want to smack the parents who think it’s okay to unleash the selfish, unclean monsters they’ve created on the world at the age of 18. I know these evil soft-hearted parents exist — I’ve had their terrible children as roommates.

    Over the past four years, I’ve moved about once a year because I can’t afford to rent without roommates. After the last two fiascos, I moved back in with my parents; even though we often disagree, it’s been less stressful than dealing with roommates who don’t wash dishes for weeks or eat my food or only pay late rent & bills after weeks of nagging but magically have enough money to buy new clothes whenever they want.

    My parents are in their late 50s; my mom had a heart attack last year and my dad’s health has gotten steadily worse. So, in addition to paying rent each month, I try to take on house projects my parents don’t have energy for. I told my dad I wanted to help make their yard easier to take care of, and he was pretty relieved. Last month I tore blackberry bushes out and helped my mom prepare her garden, this month I’m building a greenhouse and next month I’m rototilling the side yard to make a second garden (and so we won’t have to mow it). This has less to do with me living at home and more to do with helping my parents out, though.

    • angeldia

      I completely understand your problems with roommates! No one could have roommates as bad as mine >.< Since I've been unemployed for more than a year or so now, the only way I feel like I'm "helping out" with my parents is doing things around the house – like gardening, landscaping, fix a leaky faucet or cleaning the house. :) In this way, I help them with things they aren't able to do anymore and I also feel like better with not finding a job and such…

  • kazeldya

    I’m 30 and a college graduate. The only way my parents have helped me since going off to college has been with food and a place to sleep when I visit (typically staying at my mom’s house, which is 30 minutes away, about 1-4 times per month). Neither of my parents paid my college tuition, and I found it awful that I knew kids in college whose parents put money into their bank accounts every month, paid their rent, etc. I own a house and am married. We are very much struggling with bills, but my parents aren’t well off, and it’s not their jobs to make sure we can pay our bills. I work lots of ours. I’m jealous of kids I know who are my age whose parents have provided more help and they’ve afforded to travel more and/or to have kids already, but again, it is our job to pay our bills, not our parents. Yes, I went to a state school and got scholarships, but I also worked my way through school to afford food, rent, etc. Sure, asking parents for help with something occasionally is okay, but I don’t think someone who plans to retire soon should be spending their money helping a 20-35-year-old child (or two) pay bills and feed himself on a regular basis.

    • liz

      So you’re jealous of people with wealthy parents but you still think it’s wrong for them to ask their parents to pay for school? My parents were able to pay for my brother’s and my tuition AND save for retirement. That allowed us to graduate debt free which made school less expensive over all. If parents CAN help out, why should they let their kids suffer? I agree that retirement savings should come first, but some families can afford to do both, and it’s okay as long as the kids grow up with responsibility about money. In my family, I’m very good with money (except that I worry too much), but my brother isn’t.
      Also, our parents grew up in a generation when health care costs and education were much more affordable. Our generation faces insurmountable costs and a rough employment market. If parents can help out, good for them!

      • kazeldya

        If I can afford to pay for my future kids’ education, I think I’ll offer them tuition costs at the best public university in our state for up to 4 years. That way, they still have to work and learn to be responsible and cover the costs of food, housing, etc.

        I’d love to travel more and stuff like that, but I shouldn’t expect my parents to cover my expenses.

  • liz

    I’m 33 and I hate it that my parents are still helping me out by giving me some money to cover some of my medical bills, which are about 20% of my income (I have a disability that allows me to work a regular job but requires a lot of treatment and insurance is not included in my job). I live on my own in an expensive city where jobs in my industry are plentiful.
    My brother is 26 and lives at home, going to school to prepare for med school. He loves living at home, but I would never be able to stand it; I moved out at 17 to go to college. I’m very disciplined with money and budget very carefully, but my brother can’t seem to keep money in his wallet – he either spends it on brand name clothes or treating his friends to dinner. I think it’s because he’s never had to pay for anything except “incidentals” and my parents had a lot more money by the time he came around. I worry what will happen to him when he’s on his own. He’s already been in credit card debt once!

  • Formerly_Marcella

    What I find interesting is that people forget this is – to some extent – is the way America used to be. Back before WWII, when we were a mainly working class nation full of immigrants and first-generations, most people lived with their family well into adulthood. It was a natural extension of the communal benefits family brings.

    Grown children would get married and move in with their parents (or move into their own home and bring their aging parents), eventually have their own kids, and while they were at work the grandparents would watch & help raise the kids. In exchange, the parents didn’t have to worry about working or their expenses because their adult children were living with them & became the primary breadwinners. Adult siblings lived within the same neighborhoods usually and the kids/cousins grew up together.

    It wasn’t until government subsidized housing – in the form of tax breaks, FHA loans, Fannie & Freddie, government money handed over to contractors to build suburban homes – that people began to move out “on their own”. Right around the 50s & 60s – prime Boomer time. I just find it interesting when the Boomer generation points out that there’s this great failing of the “American Dream because the subsequent generations aren’t “launching” quite as successfully. The Boomers are pretty much the FIRST & ONLY to have complete access to this “American Dream”. They won the generational lottery. It would be nice if they just admit that.

  • Alysha

    What do you do when your 19 year old just starts college and meets the love of her life (shaking head) and gets hitched (scary)? do you keep giving her money to pay for school or does it become there problem now?

    • Josh Jones

      If it were me, I would let the 19 year old know you will contribute to school until he/she finishes – unmarried. If he/she decides he/she is adult enough to get married, he/she is adult enough to take on all the responsibilities that go along with being married, i.e., paying for their own things. If their relationship is strong, it will survive until college completion. It also may buy time to realize that marriage is not the right thing at 19. It will be a great example/ test of making the decision of choosing to do what is considered to be an ethical moral, value and the right thing according to beliefs. .

  • Cindi

    I have a 20 year old who out of high school (honor student) wanted to “be a music producer” yet never showed his dad and I any initiative. I was always asking if he had applied for scholarships or researched any colleges. There was always an excuse. After graduating high school with nothing completed and no scholarships, his dad decided, he could pay for his own education. He was basically handed a full time job working as an electrician apprentice if he enrolled at a trade school for independent electricians. The money was great for a 18 year old right out of college. A year an a half later even though he hates what he does, he has kept the job gotten a raise and has one more semester before having his residential electrician’s license and 2 more years for his journeyman’s license. (School one night a week) I am proud of him for sticking with it and understanding this is a just a back up if later the “music producer” dream doesn’t work out. He is still living at home with us and his 9 year old brother. He works full time and on occasion over time. I know he has saved almost $10,000. He pays no rent, no grocery, no bills (other than gas, car insurance, and cell). I still do his laundry, fold it and put it in his room. His room is a pig sty and he only cleans it if I stay on him about it. Friends and his girlfriend mooch off him constantly. No telling how much they owe him. I understand that he is saving for school, but his dad is working his butt off trying to keep the bills paid with nothing left for our retirement. (Although beginning to wonder if retirement will ever happen). Wondering if we should start charging him rent and laundry services? (20lbs of his clothes done today not including the 15lbs of towels from his bathroom only)… I’m exhausted! If there was an offer of help I wouldn’t have an issue, but it feels as though we are expected to keep supporting him. Just not sure what to do….

  • Mindy Westover

    I left my mom Vivian’s house the summer after I graduated high school when I was 19, I went to college 3 hours away. I started out with 20 dollars canned food and the clothing that were hand me downs from a friend of mine. I did not get the loans I applied for and found out my second week at college. I went to the financial office and told them I would start paying them in cash. I got a job the week before and knew I could get more jobs. I was working from the time that I was 13. The money that I made back then went to my mom because she didn’t have enough for this or that. The rest of it went towards sporting events and summer fast “swimming” programs that I wanted to join and my mom had no time or money for. So I know I was a good worker and that I could hold a job that I needed no matter what. I knew already how to manage my time and push myself past my own limits and to fake it until I made it. I was incredibly lucky that different jobs hired me. I was a lab technician and an Admissions Rep. in the beginning. I was eligible for loans on my own by my second semester due to the fact that I was paying the college upfront. I made it through college all be myself working 2-7 jobs at a time and I was out of the 42,800.00 student loan debt that I racked up three years after I graduated. I helped put my partner through college as well. I met him when I was in college he was in towers next to where I lived and we moved in together fast. He did have his own loans but I paid for rent food electricity bills etc. so that he could focus on his schooling. Now we have been together eight years he works and I am a housewife and homemaker we couldn’t be happier. We are planning on marriage next year and children once his loan debt is less and after we get a house on foreclosure. What we have isn’t the best financially speaking but we work together and live in our means. I have never expected anything from anyone and I do not think that it is healthy for parents to want to be parents forever and to want to have their “children” be or stay children forever. There has to be a time where enough is enough and people have to adjust to themselves and be grownups. Having people be responsible is a great gift I would never want to deprive my future children of future adult child the pride that goes along with making it on your own. Even if they don’t like it at first humans adjust and adapt.

  • Tired of it

    I have been helping out my oldest son for 20 years. This started when he was 18 and he and he and his girlfriend had a baby before they were 19. Over the years I have given him first and last months rent for apartments, bought them a tv, bedroom furniture, living room furniture, bought their children coats and boots so they would be warm in the winter and given them quite a bit of money. They had two children at a young age, then when the youngest was 11, had two more children. I was floored! They couldn’t afford the first two but had two more! During these years they have been employed for less than 10 years combined and live on government assistance. . He spends his money on comic books and electronic gadgets.
    I finally stopped giving them money and now they complain that I spend MY money on stupid things. I guess they figure I should spend it on them and not myself. It took me 20 years but I finally learned. I would caution any parent to watch what they are giving their kids. They become use to it very quickly and expect more.

  • JustMe

    I am 31 single own my own home and I have a great job. I paid my way through undergrad with perhaps $500 at the very most of financial help from my parents for gas as I commuted. Yes they did not charge me rent as I remained home although I worked on campus and on weekends so I was rarely home. I did move out sporadically for a few semesters in between as well. I began attending law school after I purchased my home in the bayarea, CA at 28. My parents moved with me and rented their home. I benefit from their company as they care for my baby, my dog on days I don’t make it home due to school and my full time job. I perhaps am the exception…My parents are very hardworking people who taught me the value of the dollar. I have a great retirement fund due to my fathers advice. My mother pushed me to buy my home with great equity now. I love her for it.
    However, she CANNOT let go of my boo-merang brother who is 33y/o, unemployed and contributes nothing to the household. My father has tried many times when by bro was in his 20′s to get him to get off his butt and get a job as he only attended comm college for about 10yrs. He eventually trans to a university but quit. He shockingly accepted a job at McD’s shocking I say bc every other job seems to be beneath him! My first job was at Wendy’s & retail and food services were my first jobs that paid me $. He was in adv classed in elementary school while I was struggling to pass. I don’t get how he can allow himself to live with mommy and daddy knowing sister pays for the roof over his head! I utterly disagree with my mother. If my child does not go to college at 18 they will need to work to get by. If they choose to live at home I will charge rent however I will save it for them upon them moving out. Some kids know what they want others don’t but by 25 they need to have a PLAN! Sorry that is life. Parents will not be around forever…

  • Free bird

    It’s pathetic to hear all of the comments about people saying that their parents refuse them to leave. That’s part of being a mature adult to MAKE the decision to move out and be independent whether their parents like it or not. Cut the umbilical cord. I think it’s part of a complex not wanting to feel “old” so 20 something’s continue to stay in their parents house. As a woman I can say that there is honestly no bigger turn off than a momma’s boy. I have been out of the house since 18 and love rocking my clothes I buy, my independence, and knowing that I do not rely on anyone. I’ve had all kinds of jobs from bartending to teaching and always had the money to pay rent. Don’t like living with roommates? Tough, because in life you can’t get your way. Don’t like flipping burgers? Tough, because life ain’t like the movies but you get through the hard times to get to the good times. Absolutely NO excuse to shack up with mom and dad.

  • Diana

    This is a very one-sided article. The assumption made is that these students are generally white-suburban students with parents who brought their kids cars when they were 16, went out and did all the brownie-field sports and such, etc and just spoiled their kids rotten or covered up for jr. and lucy when they had a booboo. I am from the working generation and never had the luxury of a parent helping me with anything financially significant such as these things. My parents outright refused to help me pay for college and with the meager down-right unlivable poverty pay that I receive now at a no-benefit job currently would make college literally impossible to do. I have no dental insurance, and have dental issues that need to be addressed. The only part is a place to stay and transportation that is it. Even with the transportation however it is like pulling teeth, another part that they won’t help with and i’m painfully saving money that eats an entire paycheck for one driver’s course as a result.

    This article certainly needs to be more realistic, more up-to-date and more broad. Look at today’s statistics and you can clearly see that a LOT of folk are barely above, on, or below poverty line. Yet there is no mentioning of these things. A lot of us feel cheated out of life as a result.

  • Emma

    I am 19 years old and feel horribly guilty reading this article. There are six kids in my family, me being one of the middle. I have pitched in – doing the laundry for the family, doing dishes, taking care of my younger siblings, but once I graduated from high school, I moved out to live with my grandma since she lives a block away from the local community college. I work weekends with my dad for his construction business and my parents pay my phone bill and insurance ( $80 for my insurance and $20 for my phone). They also give me $20 for gas each week. My financial aid covers my tuition fees, but my parents give me $200 for my books each semester. I am a full-time student with a high gpa, and I am not afraid to work (and just because he is my dad does not mean he gives me slack – he wants me to impress his coworkers since he works with schools) but I have not actually worked any where other than with my dad because I am afraid that if I were to get a job any where else, I would not be able to get the classes that I need if the employer won’t allow me to change my schedule each semester.

    I want to pay rent, but the money I make is only enough to buy groceries and gas, and extra school stuff I might need. I am used to not spending a lot since I come from a big family and I am trying my best to be frugal – I only shop at yard sales, but I still don’t feel like it’s enough. Does anybody have any advice for me? My grandma does not complain about rent since she lives by herself in a paid off home and has a full time job, but I still can’t help but feel guilty….

  • maria

    This is my testimony about the good work of a man who helped me….My name is maria cooker and I base in London…â��My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. Thanks to a spell caster called papa ork who i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across series of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. There was one particular testimony I saw, it was about a woman called grace,she testified about how papa ork brought back her Ex lover in less than 72 hours and at the end of her testimony she drop papa ork e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give papa a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. papa ork is really a talented and gifted man and i will not to stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man…If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve that problem for you. Try the great papa ork today, he might be the answer to your problem. Here’s his contact: orkstarspell@gmail.com Thank you great ork. Contact him for the following:

    (1)If you want your ex back.
    (2) if you always have bad dreams.
    (3)You want to be promoted in your office.
    (4)You want women/men to run after you.
    (5)If you want a child.
    (6)[You want to be rich.
    (7)You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
    (8)If you need financial assistance.
    (9)Herbal care
    10)Help bringing people out of prison

    Contact him today on:
    orkstarspell@gmail.com

  • Taylor Ashley

    My Names is Taylor Ashley
    I want to say a very big thanks and appreciation to Dr Obom for bringing back my husband who left me and kids for almost 2 years, within the space of five days after following all instruction given to me by Dr Obom. i am very much grateful for restoring peace in my marital home i pray to his Oracles to give you the strength and wisdom to help more people having similar problem like mine. for help you can reach him on this email homeofsolutions1@gmail.com or call +2347053319835 and you will be so happy you did

  • Contributor

    This is the typical rhetoric, the “boomerang generation” is a generation that is bad because they are not feeing the food chain. You have to get good grades in high school, get a good SAT or ACT score so you can get a scholarship, then go to to a good college, where you have to volunteer, do internships, and maintain a 3.0 gap or above. Once you do all of the following you can apply for a job and get hired so that you can buy your own house or rent an apartment. Instead of saving money and living with your parents and combining resources to make ends meat no you have to go out and feed the food chain and waste money so that you can create jobs. Why don’t I read articles that complain about the immigrants who come to America from Latin America, they combine resources and live together so that they can afford a better life, what do you think would happen if they all got their own apartments or houses. Later on in life when the parents of the boomerang generation are old are they going to end up in a “retirement home” where they will be neglected and abused by poorly compensated caretakers. This is the vicious cycle in America and I think its selfish, look in other countries it is unheard of for elder parents to rot away by themselves in homes. This is the stupid Anglo-Saxon culture that is in my opinion very nasty and selfish, embrace diversity and live like people have done for thousands of years and how people live all around the world. Combine resources and help each other progress.

  • vivan

    Greeting to any body that is reading my comment, All Thanks goes to DR
    OLOKUM, i was married to my husband, and we were living fine and happy.
    it come to an extend that my husband that use to love and care for me,
    those not have my time again, until i fined at that he was having an
    affair with another woman, i try to stop him,all my effort was in-vain
    sadly he divorce me and went for the woman. he live me with two of our
    kids, i cry all day, i was in pains, sorrow and looking for help. i was
    reading a news paper, i saw how dr. trust help people with his love and
    reuniting spell. so i decided to contact him and explain my problem to
    him, he did a love spell that make my husband to come back to me and our
    kids and never think of the woman. this man is god sent to restore
    heart break and reunite relationship. may the lord be your strength and
    continue to use you to save people relationship and any problem they
    encounter contact him for help oselovespelltemple@gmail.com i promise
    you that you, he will but a smile on your face and make you feel happy.
    good luck.

  • Paul Tacy

    Hi, i am tracy from uk. Here is my amazing testimony about dr emua. After 9 years in marriage with my lovely wedded husband Steven, he divorced me and got separated from me and my kids, and left home to another lady. I did all i could to get him back, but they all proved abortive. Until one faithful day, an old friend of mine jane, who work at the same company with me, told me about a great spell caster on the Internet who helped her in a similar issue and also with financial problems too. At first, i doubted it, but I decided to give it a try. When i contacted him, he helped me cast a powerful binding lovers spell, and within 48 hours, my ex husband came back, pleading and apologizing to me, that he is so sorry for hurting me and my kids, and I forgive him. Today, we are so happy together, with abundant love, joy, happiness and riches. With our 3 kids, a boy and two girls. You too can contact this great and amazing spell caster today, on any problems you having now, via his private email: dremuahelphome@outlook.com or dremuahelphome@gmail.com.
    Thank you so much great one, I won’t forget your good works on my family

  • LUNA

    I and my husband have been separated for a long period of time, I came across different spell caster and they were all unable to bring my lover back. I was so sad and almost gave up on him when i met a man called DR Lawrence who helped me get my lover back. Ever since then i have been so happy and couldn’t believe it would happen. He also helped me with success spell, I have been living happily with my lover now and will be getting married soon.Thank you drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com

  • Andrew Miller

    im 25 years old now, and i live at home with my parents, mostly because it wasnt my choice. ive also had health problems like food allergies that wouldn’t let me sleep, and i never did well in highschool because of bullying and lack of sleep along with depression that followed.i eventually got into drugs and drinking and smoking weed was my only escape. eventually i found a job doing security but it was terrible but i put up with it for 5 years never made enough close to move out and feed myself. years later i found how to cure my food allergies and i was able to beat my drug addiction thanks to qi gong and mediation. my parents are also poor and in dept so i couldn’t go to college with their help and i didn’t want to be in dept like them by taking a loan. its been a long difficult life but staying at home has helped me mature emotionally so im grateful my parents are as loving and compassionate as they are. plus i dont really know how to live on my own, i dont socialize with friends anymore i mostly just workout and play video games and go to this cheap ass school so i can get a job fixing peoples computers when i graduate. i am thou looking forward to moving out cause i think it will help me become more social? and maybe finally get a girlfriend. ive been single for 4 years pretty much cause i dont count the last girl i was with as a girlfriend cause she kept leaving me and coming back and useing me for sex . i also have a big brother who did everything i couldnt. he never fucked up as much as i did , except im in school and he never even went. but he still managed to move out get a girl. move to Floria come back and then find another girl and move out again and now he has a wife and a kid on the way…..so yea im definitely a different person i can see that, i think the worst of my life is over though i see things improving much more now. and i know i willl meet the right woman soon . very soon. i dont think its right to boot your kid out of the house though, each child comes into this world with different expectations of life and reality and emotions that can conflict with the current system in themselves and in society. life doesn’t evenly distribute opportunities to everyone we all can make a life for our selves but this idea of a man child isnt realistic at the percentage most people insinuate.

  • Docas Laranch

    i had problem with my ex boy friend some months ago. And he was cheating on me which hurt me badly,and he was also avoiding me,He no longer pick my calls.I was totally confused cos i don’t know what to do.There was a day i was surfing the internet i came in contact with this spell caster who have helped so many people in their relationship.So i contacted him and explain everything to him.And he told me to do some things,I did the correctly.To cut it short.My ex boy friend gave me a call and said to me that we should have a date,i agreed.On the date,He was begging me to have him back and i agreed we are now together as one again,Planing our wedding.thank you Prophet Osaze. meet him via his email; spirituallove@hotmail. com