My Husband Embezzled Millions and I Paid the Price

Nora Zelevansky
Posted

husband embezzled millionsWhen I met my ex-husband, whom we’ll call “Norman” after Norman Bates, I was 16 years old.

He was six years older, good looking, funny, engaging and a great storyteller. Within minutes of meeting him on a double date, he had me in tears laughing.

That night, we talked until 3 a.m. and were inseparable from then on.

What I didn’t know then was that 23 years later, Norman’s actions would lead me to a felony charge, a prison sentence and a lifetime of paying off debt. Let mine be the cautionary tale that keeps you from making the same mistakes.

It Can Happen to Anyone

I decided to introduce Norman to my big, close-knit East Coast family at my grandparents’ annual July 4th party, after we had been dating for just four days. He got so nervous that he took too many muscle relaxers and slept for three hours by the pool. When he did wake up, he was warm and personable, so my family and I brushed his bad judgment aside, joking, “He was so nervous that he passed out!”

Norman was jealous, too. Within weeks of dating, he started making overprotective remarks about my clothing being too tight and revealing or my makeup being too heavy. He told me I looked “like a whore” in a pair of new purple suede boots. He also came to pick me up from school every day. At the time, I felt like a hotshot, but I think it was actually that he wanted to know where I was.

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After insulting me, Norman would turn around and be charming in the next moment. He was clean cut, gainfully employed and my parents liked him. It was easy to overlook the problems.

I had been so protected growing up—I never had to take initiative to learn how to deal with problems myself. My parents have been happily married for 44 years and both materially and emotionally, I had everything I needed. The more time that passed, the more afraid I became to take on responsibility and stand on my own feet, so I stayed with Norman.

From Insults to Addiction

Norman was getting a bachelor’s degree on an extended time frame and I was getting my master’s, so we got married when we both finished school in 1997. I was only 24 years old.

He had always been compulsive. When he became interested in martial arts, for instance, he couldn’t just go a few times a week. He had to go every day and shoot for a black belt. Any new electronic gadget had to be the best and newest, and he collected objects in multiples, regardless of price, from radios to construction equipment. He seemed to experience a momentary high and self-esteem boost when acquiring these things, which quickly left him feeling just as empty.

When his grandmother passed away, he started getting migraines and became addicted to prescription painkillers. He was a functional addict, who went to work each day, but I found him passed out on the floor or overmedicated frequently enough that the weekend staff at the ER knew us by name.

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At the time, I was a recruiter making over $100,000 a year. He had a managerial position in construction and was earning about $70,000 … and yet we had nothing left at the end of the month. He made frequent excuses for needing cash, so I didn’t realize that he was using it to buy prescription pills. Later, I found out that he had even gone to my mother, a nursery school teacher, and said that we couldn’t make ends meet. He cashed her paychecks to buy drugs.

  • http://twitter.com/SenseofCents Michelle

    Wow! I don’t know what to say besides I would hate for that to happen to me. You don’t think that family would do something like that to you – until it happens. I’m so sorry!

    • TheMaxxx

      Don’t embezzle money.

      The prosecutor had incontrovertible proof that Jen knew about the embezzlement, she was the one doing the books…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1467647784 Toni Bradley L

    It does sound like an episode of ‘Who the bleep did I marry?’. It’s extremely sad when someone you thought was the one and cared about you ended up having complete disregard for you and your child’s current wellbeing and future. It’s doubly sad that you and she will have to deal with him for at least 12 more years. Hopefully, at that point, you can completely leave him behind. Unfortunately, he will never see the error in his ways. I wish you all the best for your future. Your story should be on lovefraud.com with his real name because when he gets out of jail he will be looking for his next victim.

    • TheMaxxx

      Apparently Jen has not seen the error of her ways.

      This story is complete BS. She was involved neck deep in the embezzlement.

  • anise

    It’s hard to feel bad when you kept ignoring all the giant red flags.

    • Dee

      hindsight is 20/20.

    • Anonymous

      Exactly! The guy was a serious drug addict and loser and she trusted him with their finances and her child. She decided to ignore all the giant warning signs and put her child at risk and permanently screwed up her life. She should not be praised. Woman need to wake up and take control of their lives and stop letting a man run it just because they are men. There is no need to quit your job and give up your life because you have one kid. This is not the 50′s anymore.

    • TheMaxxx

      It’s hard to feel bad when she was the one managing the books for the embezzling.

    • Deborah Hymes

      I think the biggest red flag was when no one in her family saw anything amiss with a 22-year-old man pursuing a 16-year-old girl.

  • Dee

    It would be easy to say she should have done differently or known better, but it’s a subtle thing, you’re raising children and busy, etc. Of course you trust your spouse. You trust your spouse until you learn differently. I trusted my husband. In effect, he was very late filing taxes on his business. I was so relieved when he finally did get the taxes prepared several years late, I signed the tax returns when I made about 5% of the yearly income v. my husband’s 95%. Then, my husband never paid the taxes owed. Then he basically dissipated all his money and had none left to pay taxes with. So, I left him, but the IRS still held me accountable — for an amount that was almost twice what my yearly income is — because I signed the returns and I had more assets than he had at this point. To pay the IRS (and the divorce lawyer), I lost properties that had brought me income and were supposed to be my retirement plan, I lost a lot. But I have salvaged quite a bit, thanks to my lawyer, and I am divorced. That was expensive tuition that I paid, but the lesson has been well-learned.

    • Jay

      you should write your story too! this is so important for other women to learn!

      • TheMaxxx

        She should sell a book, absolutely. That way perhaps the money could actually be paid back at some point.

        By the way, Jen, was the one that did the books for the embezzling.

        She seems to have left that part out of the story.

    • Tami Koval

      I think so many of us have stories like this. The story in this article is quite extreme, but Dee, like yours I have an ex that took me to the cleaners. And we have a son so he is in my life forever. The financial aspect is one thing, but the emotional side of having to see him after what he did with me is the hardest thing to get over. Perhaps we should all get together and write our stories for the next generation of women to learn!! Blessing to all of us.

    • Kay

      Did you attempt to file the “Innocent Spouse” form with the IRS?

      • TheMaxxx

        She’s not allowed to from my understanding.

        As it turns out, she was the book keeper in the embezzlement.

  • Clare Mountfort

    Thanks for having the courage to tell your story.

    • TheMaxxx

      Would have been nice if she told the truth though.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1023727973 Nonya Bizness

    How sad! I was relieved when I read she “only” did 4 months in the county. I’m mad that he is still allowed to talk to their daughter.I knew some husbands weren’t all that they’re cracked up to be, but this is really scary.

    • TheMaxxx

      Jennifer was actually the one who kept the books, not her husband.

      Jen is the one with a master’s degree.

  • Kathy

    I truly feel terrible for people who get taken advantage of by the people they care about. It’s extremely unfortunate and it’s probably very damaging emotionally and mentally. But I disagree that this could “happen to anyone”. This kind of thing usually doesn’t happen after a simple mistake or two here or there, it happens after a lifetime of bad choices by both parties (and even sometimes other people who are involved – in this case the woman’s family seemed to contribute by not telling her certain info). Lots of women (and men) face situations like this but they make different choices along the way before it affects them in such a deeply negative way. The important takeaway from a story like this is for other people to learn from it. Be an equal partner in your marriage and finances. Just because you trust someone doesn’t mean you should be in the dark about aspects of your life together. And if you have transparency, this kind of thing is much less likely to happen to you.

    • TheMaxxx

      Of course it couldn’t happen to anyone. Jennifer was the book keeper in a $2 million embezzlement scheme.

  • Anonymous

    You have got to be kidding me. This is ridiculous! If this story is true or false, you should be ashamed of yourself. I can’t believe someone printed this.

    • TheMaxxx

      Oh, it’s false. Jen lied through her teeth in this article.

      Keep in mind, both her and Arthur are pretty severe narcissist.

  • Joan

    She should write a book about it, maybe they’ll even make it into a movie. That should help her get back on her feet.

    • TheMaxxx

      She should, and the proceeds should go to paying back the people she stole from.

      Much of this self serving story is false.

    • Krs

      amazing idea. WRITE A BOOK. that ll be a slap in ‘Norman’s face

  • anabella

    wow!!!!!! its like a movie story as you said. thank you for sharing you story is really helpfull.

    • TheMaxxx

      It’s also complete BS.

  • TheMaxxx

    LOL

    Some of us are from the New Jersey/New York area, and are aware of this case.

    This was the Vassar rip-off, in Poughkeepsie.

    Shall I fill in the readers on some of the mistakes and/or omissions there for them, Jennifer?

    Among the items the police found that Jennifer, how does she say it “they found items I never knew existed, like 75 watches worth hundreds of thousands of dollars” were 4 BMW’s parked in the driveway.

    Yeah, you read that correctly. She was unaware of the 4 BMW’s in her driveway, which she of course was routinely witnessed driving around Poughkeepsie.

    It must have slipped Jennifer’s mind to tell Nora Zelevansky, their other conspirator, Christopher DeSanto, was also in a bit of trouble because there were actually two companies used to embezzle money, which Jennifer was involved.

    You forgot to mention the guns too, did you Jen?

    10 illegal weapons were found in the house, one of which was a .223 military style assault rifle.

    She was indicted, and plead guilty because the evidence was overwhelming. One of the key reasons why she was able to plead to an easy sentence was because she has to pay back all the money she stole.

    And yes, she stole it. The prosecutor detailed Jennifer’s spending spree with the illegally obtained monies.

    Nice try Jen, but the readers should know there were two narcists in that relationship. See you haven’t changed any in your need for attention.

  • Perri

    I don’t even know the parties involved, but even I am more skeptical than these posters who are so sympathetic to this writer. There’s a good chance she was guilty as charged and just as guilty as her husband. She just got to put her story in print first and may be playing the victim. We as women have to be more discerning when we hear these “victim” stories.

  • cocoachanel74

    (after reading some of your comments)…..and….this is why women will never progress because we take another woman’s story and throw dirt on it. It’s cool if you’re suspect on some issues but we don’t have to be condescending and mean. YOU will never know what it was like for this woman. NEVER. Alright, maybe she is lying. She may be telling the truth. Her truth. Regardless, the point is, learn the lesson, period! I’m 39 years old and it never ceases to amaze me that women won’t encourage and congratulate each other because we are always trying to ‘smell a rat!’ It only alludes to the fact that we ourselves are somehow wallowing around too much in our own sordid misery to recognize the real pain in others. LearnVest was not created to be another Facebook but an avenue to help and learn from each other’s experiences. If you disagree with an article on Learnvest, say so. But leave the dirt in the yard!

  • Chrissy

    On a very small scale, I see my parents here. My mom just lucked out of not getting caught up in my dad’s fraud & drugs (marijuana growing in the back yard, a BIG DEAL in the 70′s in R.I. – now it’s completely legal to grow for own use there!). My dad never really got any heat due to the lack of computer technology and awareness of these things that exists today. At 16, I saw it all. Maybe thats why I can’t imagine this happening to me, it had already almost happened in my life. There are men I have run from. Just something about them wasn’t right. I am a happily married adult- 2nd marriage. I wish well for the child in this story. Sometimes things really do happen for a reason, I guess.