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The Immigrant Money Curse: My Parents Take Saving to Extremes

Giulia Rozzi
Posted on Mar 6, 2013

When my parents helped me move into my freshman dorm, I begged them to change their outfits.

They were wearing jeans and matching XL t-shirts with the “Bose” insignia. They didn’t even know that it was an electronics company, but they’d insisted on snagging multiples a few weeks prior at the grand opening of a Best Buy in Burlington, MA.

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The problem wasn’t that they took free t-shirts. My problem was that they let their frugality dictate their every action.

They can afford to go to the salon, yet my mom trims her own hair. They can eat nice dinners, but they fill up on food court samples. They can afford to live like the upper-middle-class folks that they are, yet my dad will pull over his car to pick up a can on the sidewalk—“this is a free five cents!”

I would love nothing more than for my parents to travel the world—or, at the very least, travel out of state. I don’t want them to have only worked to care for their kids. I want them to enjoy what they’ve earned. When I’ve told them this, they reply, “Someday …”

Penny-Pinching Was Their Way of Life

To the other first-generation folks reading this, I’m sure that my parents’ frugality is anything but surprising. It seems to me that immigrants from my parents’ generation tend to either be extreme savers or over-spenders. While I don’t have stats—just experience with friends from Italian, Greek, Indian, Armenian and Hispanic households—immigrant super-savers seem much more common.

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My dad grew up on a modest farm in Italy, where he claims that he “rode a donkey to school, and got my tooth pulled out without any novocaine,” so he’s pretty used to “lower standards of living.” When his family came to the U.S. in 1967, my dad was a teenager whose high school guidance counselor encouraged him to pursue trade school, instead of college.

The message that he couldn’t do better drove my dad to prove himself by becoming a successful electrician, multiple-property owner and one of the smartest men I know. And I think that his modest childhood inspired him to create an extremely secure life for his family. He never wanted to lose what he worked so hard to earn—thus the extreme frugality.

I Love/Hate My Parents’ Frugality

They have no debt, they always have cash and they hardly use credit cards (and if they do, it’s only to earn points, and they pay the balance off immediately). They don’t have a home filled with things that they don’t need. They were able to pay for my braces, my college tuition and my first car. I am forever grateful for their generosity.

Their saving mentality has also turned my stay-at-home mom into a coupon queen. Each New Year, she does a tally of what she saved in the last year using coupons—and every year it’s more and more impressive. (The photo at right is her 2011 savings total through coupons alone!)

I’m not a coupon clipper, but I am damn good at bargain hunting, thanks to my mom. I get a high from scoring something for $19.99 that I know was once $150.

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  • sallysue1

    My parents are the same way. They talk about going on trips but Dad always concludes it’s too expensive. They spend most of their money on their children. I’ve come to just accept it. 

  • Ami

    I couldn’t help but nod along to all the various things your parents do to save money.  And I, like you, am conflicted about my immigrant parents’ frugality.  On the one hand, I am so proud of them for establishing themselves securely as upper-middle class when they came here with nothing (and still having enough money when the Great Recession hit!).  I am grateful for their generosity in funding my college education and for the work ethic they instilled in me.  Yet, I also feel a little guilty that they worked so hard just to make sure their progeny and future generations would be guaranteed a secure future!  I, too, hope my parents find a way to enjoy their hard-earned savings, but as my mother pointed out to me, the pride she and my father feel in having raised two financially-independent kids is all she really needs. 

    • Mara

      “ the pride she and my father feel in having raised two financially-independent kids is all she really need”…I am glad you don’t take this phrase for granted.  
      Even though I splurged a bit on my early 20s, I have become thrifty after paying up thousands on credit card debt and realizing that I was jeopardizing my future if I didn’t stop and plan ahead (I am an immigrant myself).  But my problem is that my parents haven’t taken my “frugality” well. They don’t quite approve me driving an older use car that I payed cash for, not treating myself to restaurant often, not going on vacations, living in a “small” place, etc.  I just wished they could be happy because I became completely financially independent at 21…aside from helping with a portion of my college tuition (which is why I don’t counted it as being completely independent) I have been paying my own things since I was 17.  
      In my opinion I have a good balance between being frugal and not completely cheap..I do think my extreme sacrifices are temporary so when I do go on trips, restaurants everything is payed for and not put on credit cards.

  • Jen McNew

    “In my 30s, I finally learned to save—although it sometimes feels a little too late. I want to eventually own a home, have a kid (or two) and maybe even take a real vacation, but those things take money. Nowadays, I feel bad just treating myself to a manicure or a non-clearance dress! It’s almost like I want to punish myself for the financial mistakes of my youth. Then again, the thousands of dollars of credit card debt left over from that 23-year-old me that I’m still paying off is evidence that I’ve splurged enough.”
    I get it. Story of my life. Trying to work it out, its tough.

    • http://twitter.com/cooperetcastro cooperetcastro

      You and me both.

    • Mara

      same here …

  • Andrea

    This is something many of us can relate to — I still remember my immigrant grandmother getting so upset when I paid for her bus fare in NYC, because I paid full price and she was eligible for a senior discount. At the time, it was probably about 50 cents, which was not a big deal, but she stood there and waited until the next person boarded, and took the money she was “owed” before she would sit back down! 

  • Faye

    I came from the opposite.  My mother grew up poor and then felt the need for entitlement in adulthood.  At age 56, she is still in debt and I have to bail her out and hold money interventions.  I know you may be conflicted but just think about if the situation was reversed.  I wish my mother was that thrifty. There were times where we were lucky there was rice to eat because my mother was so bad  with money.

  • Milasmatic

    I can easily relate to your situation, with a small difference, my parents try to save in everything they can, but still they buy things they don´t need, because they where cheap. The grew in a time when absolutely everything except gas was expensive, and a political situation in my country provoqued years of shortage in goods, so they forget that in 21fst century, if you do need something, there are plenty of places where you can buy what you need… now, that they are in a difficult economic situation, I have tried and succeded at some point, to convince them about the necesity of not buying “just in case” :)

  • Bella

    My parents are from China.  It’s funny that my mom is like your parents but my dad is the complete opposite.  My dad “has to spend all (his) money” or (he) would feel ‘uncomfortable’”.  My mom was the one making like $3/hour but was able to save money. She helps her kids out whenever we need – like with the downpayment on my coop.  I wish I am more like her but I got my Dad’s genes! :(

  • Moskit

    I’m that parent (with moderations)! Yesterday had to listen
    how mean I’m because I refused to buy a take-out food while there is a pot of cabbage
    rolls at home in the fridge. We have completely different priorities. I’m
    saving on cable (actually, we don’t have a TV) and on cell-phones (although we
    have smart-phones, I’m paying only $40/month for a prepaid plan for the family),
    but we are going on a big trip to Europe this summer for 2 weeks. Somehow, it
    doesn’t connect in my child’s brain that “to save” means just to wait to
    consume later.  For her it’s “to be deprived of fun”.

    • Milasmatic

      Hey, my parents NEVER EVER EVER buy take out. My mother doesn´t even buy soda because “we have at home”. Im not traumatized (well, a little). The important thing is that once in a while you do treat them, it builds some memories I guess… sorry for my english. Oh, also, when I started to call my mom “mean” she said “Oh yes, I´m so mean. I stay up late at night thinking about how I can make your life more miserable” (When I had the age to understand). It worked. :)

      • Moskit

        I think all parents are “mean” in their kids mind for one reason or another…it’s just when your parents are so completely different from the rest of your friend’s parents, it could be so frustrating. I was surprised she didn’t mention the accent in the artical….My daughter has 95% in her English class only because she is constantly correcting my English :)

  • BW2011

    Thank you for sharing your story!

  • Thriftywriter

    As a child of immigrant parents, I can relate to a lot of what you’ve written, though I would point out that the kinds of things that I would like to do, had I a lot of money saved up, are not necessarily the kinds of things my parents want to do.  For example, I would travel EVERYWHERE.  My father did a fair amount of traveling before he was married and my mother is not all that into travel.  I tried to get them to go on tour to Europe or Southeast Asia for their 25th anniversary years ago – no use.  I think they’re truly happy doing what they’re doing, living how they’re living (they did splurge on a big screen TV – they love watching nature shows).

  • Jcorn

    I am motivated to save even though we are in good financial condition. But here’s what I do with the money:

    Since I am normally a conventional investor I take half of my penny pinching savings and invest in some riskier stocks. They’ve done well.

    The other half goes to a small scholarship fund to help needy college students. I vet each candidate. The money isn’t huge but it helps. I fivure that “investing” in someone’s education does a part, however small, in bettering our world.

  • http://twitter.com/PChiappa Pat Chiappa

    I feel your pain Giulia – but I can tell you that your parents have given you the fundamentals of money management. Sure, they take it to the extreme (as do my parents who themselves are 2nd generation Italian) but what we’ve learned from them is invaluable.  We are so lucky to have role models like them.

  • am

    Thank you–I love this article.  My parents are Spanish and American and have a similar mindset. I don’t always agree with 100% of their choices (my Dad had a tooth pulled because it was cheaper than having it fixed) but I am so grateful for their guidance and proud of their good example. My mom was also a stay at home mom and on one modest income supplemented by coupon-clipping and buying almost everything at garage sales, my parents paid in full for braces and college for two children while still saving up for their retirement (they did their best to try to prevent being a burden on my sister and I.)

    My parents contrast so starkly with my boyfriend’s parents who max out their credit cards on gadgets, clothes and redecorating, borrow heavily against their mortgage, go on at least 4 vacations every year but have saved nothing for their retirement even though it is only a few years away–and they probably earned quadruple what my parents did.  They didn’t feel that they had enough extra money to help my boyfriend with college let alone braces but it seem clear that they think he’ll be their emergency fund in the future.

    The awful 25 cent garage sale t-shirts that my mom wears bug me too but I kow that there are far worse habits than hoarding free pencils…

  • Runawaytwin

    Oh I completely understand every word of this article. My dad came here (from italy) in 1962.  In fact- my last name is strikingly similar to yours.  Now as an adult i vacillate btw penny pinching  and splurging on things. Luckily I dont have debt but i dot have a closet full of eurpean clothes that remind me (not always joyfully) where my money is.   

    My boyfriend- who i love dearly- is also from italy and i see much of the same with him. He happens to have a very well paying job yet he goes back and forth between splurging on wonderful meals to picking pennies off the sidewalk 

  • Inntheno

    Just thank your parents.  Take their positive and build on them.

    • doublen

       I agree!  This is the immigrant parent blessing!

  • Anjiekonte

    My husband and I are both the children of frugal immigrants. We recently realized we were making ourselves a little miserable with the constant penny pinching and decided to book ourselves a vacation. Although our penny pinching paid off (we saved 10% for a down payment on our first house in one year!), it was not a sustainable enterprise. It’s a total struggle to somehow un-learn a bit of the frugality, but I know it will pay off for all of us in the long-term!

  • khem

    I can definitely relate…my parents are so frugal that it drove me deep into debt because I felt the need to spend, splurge, and treat myself…often. I too hope my parents can actually enjoy the fruits of their labor and frugality before they’re too old to do anything.

  • Edjchicag2002

    This is very typical of immigrant parents, of course.  My parents liked to save but not as much as the author’s.  They were never this frugal.  But, being that I was not born in this country I have that “saving” gene in me as well.  I grew up in a 2 room house, not 2 bedrooms, but 2 room!  Only .02% (guessing) of the population had a car!  And yes, we had never heard of credit cards!  I am glad to have that background because now I don’t need the biggest house for my family.  My husband and I don’t have to have the best cars in the world.  My kids don’t need the latest Nikes.  I use a couple of reward credit cards but only because I pay them off each month.  The only things that both my parents/siblings and my family do not cut back on is food and vacations.  So, thank you mom and dad for raising me right…

  • Mdemira

    Great article.  I immigrated to the states and can relate to a similar upbringing from my parents.  I learned the word “economize” when I was just 9 years old.  To economize in my family meant not wasting what we use.  Like don’t let the water run so we don’t waste it as well as run up the bill, switch off lights not in use, re-use plastic bags and even gift wrappers, use small amount of shampoo, etc.  Anyway, as long as your debt-free (or almost) and have savings, don’t be too hard on yourself about splurging once in a while.  Just find a balance in how you spend.  Such as, if your weakness is shoes, go to DSW.  But if you must have that Jimmy Choo, then don’t eat out for a month or two, or at least no fine dining.  Another example is, let’s say you want to buy a Coach bag for about $300, and if you drink Starbucks daily or weekly, omit that expense, and the savings will go to that Coach bag.  Also, if you find something you like, shop around for the best deal or negotiate or bargain with the store.  I almost always do.  That way you get to splurge but get a really good deal and you don’t feel bad.

  • HBrwn

    It’s impressive how the parents have paid for so much with cash earned by saving, but it is important to enjoy things while alive, so they should realize that “someday” will come and go too quickly. On another note, I disagree with the implication of a trade school being the worse choice. My brother went to a trade school and is making much more money than me and my college degree.

  • http://mydebtucation.blogspot.com/ Mario

    Seems like an odd thing to worry about. I’d rather they started at saving too much and I’d have to pull them to save less, than to save too little and I’d have to pull them to save more.

  • Carol F

    It is possible. I’ve gotten into debt twice. The first time as a teen who entered the workforce early ($5000 in credit card debt). Then a second time when I established my own household (and all the legal fees it entailed) when I left my daughter’s father. It took me a good 6 years to pay off the debt the second time. First of all I had more of it ($20,000 in credit cards again), but now I also had the kid to contend with and I was determined to also save up enough to buy a house while the market was still difficult/interest rates still down. Finally I reached my goal September of 2012. The past 6 months I’ve lived on cash (or almost – I use credit for gas and groceries, but I pay them off every month), and I had also saved up enough to put 5% down on a house purchase (closed December). I’m still trying to figure out the new financial situation, but at least I’ve learned quite a bit along the way.
    I turn 30 in May.

  • FeminieMorgan

    First of all, don’t be an ingrate and thank them for saving up for your future and most probably they will leave those money to you when they passed away. Second, if you hadn’t splurge your money and notch up so much debt in your 20s, and instead bought clothes or pay for trips for your parents then maybe they’d have the chance to enjoy themselves. So instead of whining about how your parents don’t spend money on themselves, ask yourself how you can give them the care they need and show them that you will not be needing their money in the future. Prove to them that you can survive on your own instead of trying to make them spend.

  • BG

    I think you should be grateful that they are able to afford to send you to college and not get into debt. That also means that in their old age they will have enough money to live,without having to hit you for money. I don’t understand why most Americans feel the need to spend mindlessly. I am a single parent of an 8 yr old, And have saved enough to take a few years off work if I wanted to. And this with a 2000 dollar income after tax. My son asks me every day when are we going to get a car, cause he is the only kid in his class whose parent don’t have a car ( Did I mention he goes to private school! Thanks to coupons and frugality I can do a lot of things his friends parents can’t,like take a yearly vacation to somewhere exotic!). So instead of hating your parents ways you should embrace them, because if They are Happy, with their ways, What is it to You!!