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Burnout 101: Why I Walked Out on My Job … and Don’t Regret It

Amanda Chatel
Posted on Sep 18, 2012

Leaving JobPeople have a lot of opinions about money.

In our “Money Mic” series, we hand over the podium to someone with a strong opinion on a financial topic. These are their views, not ours, but we welcome the opportunity to spark a constructive conversation about money. 

Today, one woman opens up about why she walked out on a job she hated … even though she didn’t have a Plan B. Below, we have advice for her–and people like her–from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP).

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Whether you’re a money maven or still learning the ropes, we share these stories to let you know you’re not alone. This is just one person’s story; for LearnVest-approved advice on what we recommend you do in a situation like this, check out our note in the end.

I’ve walked out on one job in my life.

I had been in NYC for just over a year when I saw a Craigslist ad for an office manager/executive assistant for a fashion designer management agency in SoHo. I immediately jumped at the opportunity to work in fashion.

Although the book version of “The Devil Wears Prada” was already out, I had not read it, and the movie adaptation was still a year away.

Believe it or not, I had zero idea about the stereotypical catty world for which I was about to sign up. When they offered me the position, I gave my current job notice, dusted off my one pair of Jimmy Choo pumps and prepared to take my place in the world of fashion.

I had been making $28,000 at the previous job, and although the new one only paid $2,000 more, it was still more, and the work, I figured, would be far more exciting.

The Good, the Bad and the Fashionable

Admittedly, working in fashion had its perks. I got free shoes and an occasional lunch at Balthazar, a trendy French brasserie downtown … but I also had to deal with incessant screaming phone calls from designers, and the sting of everyone from industry insiders to my own boss questioning my intelligence (he would call me “clearly brainless”).

Making matters worse, I was not psychic.

I was supposed to somehow know my boss never flew American Airlines, never used condiments and had not one, but three phones—when he had never actually given me any of this information. I learned the hard way when I booked his trip to L.A. on American, got his turkey sandwich with mustard and gave out the wrong number to his BlackBerry. Each screw-up resulted in being pulled aside and reamed out for not figuring it all out on my own. I began to doubt myself: Maybe I was the idiot he claimed.

RELATED: 9 Signs You’ve Got a Bad Boss

I won’t even get into the female agent who often opened her drawer of enemas and offered me a few to help with my weight problem. I don’t think I have a weight problem.

It was an emotional year, to say the least.

Then Things Got Even Worse: My Breaking Point

Just before Fashion Week in September, things got even worse. The once passive-aggressive ridiculing by my boss had started to take place in the main office, rather than in private. It was as though he got off on berating me out in the open, for everyone—even designers I had followed for years in Vogue—to see.

Every tiny mistake led to him asking if I was deliberately trying to get fired. When I asked for a raise because I was working 10-11 hours a day and was almost always at his beck and call, he literally laughed in my face. I countered that I was making $30,000 and putting up with emotional and mental distress on a daily basis. He suggested I get a therapist like the rest of New York; I politely said I couldn’t afford one.

Halfway through Fashion Week, one of my favorite designers came by the office. That same day, my boss was scheduled to fly to Miami, but his flight, as well as every other one, was canceled due to a hurricane. There was nothing I could do about a natural disaster. But to him, of course, it meant I didn’t try hard enough.

When I broke the news, he launched into a tirade of insults. I watched the interns cower, the other agent roll her eyes and I did everything within my power not to cry. (After I saw “The Devil Wears Prada,” I started to wonder if he was taking tips from it.)

The designer, whom I had long admired, stared in horror and shot me a sympathetic glance. Other than that, no one said a word. I walked back to my desk and told my intern I was going for a walk. As I said it, I had already decided to never step foot in that office again.

As I walked toward the elevator choking back tears, my boss told me to pick him up a Starbucks coffee while I was out. I nodded silently and left.

What Happened After I Walked Out

I went to Starbucks, got myself an iced Americano and proceeded to walk up Broadway to the Flatiron building. I sat down and watched the tourists, thinking about how I would tell my parents what I had done. Even before quitting, I was living paycheck to paycheck. My savings were somewhere around $600.

But in that moment, money wasn’t my greatest concern. I had been so belittled, all I could do was sit there, feel the wooden slats of the bench under me and allow myself to feel freedom instead of fear.

RELATED: Why Women Are Burning Out at Work Before 30

Finally, I got up and headed back to my apartment. On the way home, I received a call from the owner of the company who apologized (very weakly, if we’re to be honest) for my boss’ behavior. He also said I never had a thick enough skin for the job, but he appreciated my hard work and would give me one week’s severance. Not much, but it was something.

I was in no position to haggle. If anything, I was grateful.

My New Lease on Life

After drowning my sorrows in wine that first night, I started my job search with fervor. I also cut costs: no more eating out, no more bars and no more shopping until I got a job.

I didn’t want to tell my parents I had walked out until I had something else lined up. I was hoping we could have a good laugh about it, eventually. I have always found jobs on Craigslist, and once again started my search there. This was before the recession so finding a job wasn’t as difficult as it would be now; after only four interviews, I was offered a job just in time to pay October’s rent.

The job that came next was at a guerrilla marketing company. I was hired to be the office manager, and it was a job I had for over two years before I was eventually let go, along with almost everyone else, because of the recession. Unlike my job in fashion, the marketing company was full of great co-workers, an absent boss (which is always great) and an environment that nurtured our artistic pursuits outside of work.

I made amazing friends, met one of the great loves of my life and learned to have faith in myself again … a difficult task considering the office from which I came. I started a blog based on my office manager experiences, and eventually found the necessary self-esteem to pursue writing as a full-time career after I was laid off with a very generous eight weeks’ severance.

On a good day, I can say things happen for a reason. On a bad day, I don’t know why or how things happen.

While I can say now that having walked out on that fashion job was one of the wisest choices I ever made, I’m not sure I’d be able to say the same thing had the outcome gone in a completely different direction. However, instead of getting into “what if,” I’ll just say having had that job and then leaving it are two important parts of my life.

It also makes for a great story, and as a writer, that’s always a good thing.

Amanda Chatel is a writer based in New York City.

 

 

 

If You’re In This Situation: 

Burnout is real. We get how emotionally taxing it can be to work at a job you hate. If you’re in a similar boat, we urge you to think about a backup plan before making the leap. “It’s best to have another job lined up,” says LearnVest Certified Financial Planner (CFP) Sophia Bera, “but sometimes you just don’t. If you have a significant other or parents who can support you for the next few months, it’s much easier to quit abruptly. Also, you have got to hustle! Put all your energy into expanding your network and set up as many information interviews as possible.”

In meantime, explore ways to make extra cash. “Post an ad on Craigslist or elance.com so you can get freelance work,” our financial planner suggests. “Also, don’t overlook the possibility of serving, bartending or delivering pizzas. These jobs don’t involve working full-time during the day, so you still have plenty of time to look for work.” Of course, many people don’t have family to lean on: That’s why LearnVest always recommends your first financial priority be saving up an emergency fund so you don’t risk going into deep credit card debt, or being unable to pay your bills, should disaster strike.

Here are 5 ways to start an emergency fund, LearnVest’s crash course on savings 101 and what really counts as a financial emergency.

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  • Cporterpick

    Kudos to you! I’ve been there, done that & I can relate!  I left a job after 11.5 years because I couldn’t take the micromanaging another day.   I know work at home on my own terms.  

    • Ericastinson

      wish I could work from home.  Been looking since I lost my job July 2011.  I have been looking into admin support from home, but am afraid of scams involving “work at home”.  It’s hard out there, especially now because even regular jobs being posted are sometimes fraudulent.  I can only hope things will get better for everyone out there in my position with no safety net or backup plan.  Just thanking God my unemployment benefits have been extended somewhat.

      • Illanajayde

        Have you tried recruitment agencies? While they can’t promise a job, it may provide some direction on who to target online through LinkedIn. Also , libraries may offer free services and can help you double your efforts. See if any retail offers 3rd shifts, it may not be much, but your foot in a door, any door, helps in this economy.

        Lastly, know you’re hardly alone in this and it’s not your fault. Keep your skills up at the library and look at magazines that feature articles on flexible work. I would not pine for working at home in this economy: we need to be visible to a boss now. I hope it resolves itself in employment for you.

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  • Beckyverner

    Feel like this story was meant for me. Thanks so much for sharing!!

  • ATLShutterbug

    I have worked for some abusive bosses in my past and know how hurtful and damaging it can be, and how tempting it is to walk out. However, you should really take a hard look at your finances and future job prospects before walking out. Many people do not have family or friends who can help them financially and I believe many people underestimate how long it will take to find another job. 

    I relocated to another city with my husband so that he could advance his career and mistakenly assumed I would be able to find another position fairly quickly because I have a good reputation in my industry and more than ten years of solid experience. I was wrong. It took eight months for me to find a job – and that job is paying me about $30k less a year than my previous position and I am working for a bully of a boss and a company that is similar to the one mocked in Dilbert. It may be easier for those who have more entry level positions to secure another similar position, but for those in middle or senior management positions the opportunities are few and far between. Several of the companies I interviewed with ended up not filling the positions for which I interviewed – eliminating the job altogether – or in two instances demoting current employees to the position or forcing current employees to absorb the additional work.   

    I would love nothing more than to walk out on my current job, but it is just not realistic. Having to live off of my savings for the last eight months taught me a lesson about making hasty decisions - I was just lucky enough to have the financial resources in the back to be able to do so.

  • bbkayak

    Amen, sister!  Shortly before I walked out on the worst job of my life, I literally had stomach pains about what I was going to do if I did not have an income. I had nowhere to turn and no one to ask for help, but for the sake of steering myself out of the depression my heinous bosses had fostered, I needed to do something!  

    I had been going on interviews while my bosses were on business trips and at the same time getting phone calls at 3AM from my them wondering why their hotel room was near an elevator or if I could go buy treats for the art team (with my own money). Seriously?! 

    I went to work on a Monday morning when I knew my bosses were back in town, printed out a one sentence letter of resignation, and then walked to the Pike Place Market to buy $40 worth of fresh seafood… I was never going back and celebrating freedom! (4 days later I was offered a job… lucky!)

    Long story short, NO ONE should be made to feel less than they are to make ends meet.  I would love to start an organization for women who are not necessarily needy, but who need a little support through a rough time.  Even better, I would like to stop this from ever happening to anyone ever again. 

    • Ericastinson

       Well said!

      • Illanajayde

        Agreed!

  • http://www.facebook.com/tsalagwomann Eve Lynn

    I can relate.  I’ve done the same thing, TWICE.  

    The first time was at a job that was presented to me as one thing & was in reality something else…a position I did not have the talent or education for and never presented myself as having.
     During the months when I tried to make myself over from an Administrative Assistant into an Accountant, I made a lot of mistakes (who wouldn’t if they’d never taken an accounting class?).  Finally, after multiple dressings down by my boss, he called me to his office and proceeded to tell me how stupid & worthless I was….I lost it.
     I had a pencil in my hand and I leaned over his desk, held it in his face and snapped it in two.  I told him if he ever called me stupid again, I would shove both halves up his ass.  I turned around, gathered my things and left.
     Amazingly enough, he had the nerve to call me the next morning to ask why I hadn’t come into work.  I just asked him if he was kidding & hung up the phone.  Even though I was out of a job with no prospects for another one, it was one of the best days of my life.

    • Jill

      Great job standing up for yourself! I agree that it is critical that when we are being disrespected in the workplace (to the point that you mentioned), we should say something. Women are paid less, have less opportunities to go up the career ladder and then we deal with various problems at work. As another person said that we should consider our responsibilities (family, school, etc…) but at the same time we should not allow that to be an excuse for us to tolerate emotional abuse. 

  • http://twitter.com/laurenislost Lauren Lever

    Heh, at least you had something in your savings. I wouldn’t call that living paycheck to paycheck. Paying overdraft fees is more like living paycheck to paycheck, imo

  • Marie

    One question I kept thinking when reading this article: How do you explain to a future prospective employer why you walked out of your previous job? I would think that would raise some red flags in interviews.

    • Jane E

      I have walked out on ONE job in my entire life because it was emotionally abusive. I just told people in interviews the truth, that I value integrity, and I am not willing to work for people who do not have integrity.  It was actually way less of an issue than I ever would have thought. I was very careful not to be negative about the previous employer, but rather to emphasize my values and wanting to find a good match for those values. 

      • Marie

        Glad it all worked out well, Jane E!

    • pamorama

      Are we really supposed to remain in abject, obedient fear for walking out of an abusive situation? I agree with the above poster, tell the truth or omit the job and say you were taking a class or dealing with something. We are not slave labor (yet) and I think it’s ludicrous to feel that employers should discard qualified candidates because they’ve had a bad fit. We can see here how many others have dealt with this, and bearing in mind that most of us DO have talent and a work ethic to offer, the employer/employee relationship is somewhat reciprocal.

      • Marie

        I hope you aren’t reading anything into my comment that wasn’t there. I am genuinely curious what someone would say during future interviews. I interviewed for several jobs last year and was surprised how persistent employers were about why I wanted to leave my job; apparently my answers (3 years employment there; looking for more money and new challenges) didn’t satisfy them. So I wondered what people would say about leaving their job abruptly.

  • Miss B

    I agree, kudos to you! I had a very similar experience. I have always wanted to enter the world of fashion/beauty and found what I thought was a great growing company in Houston. It was anything but…and I lasted 2 months. I had worked for a local sports team for 5 yrs and was used to dealing with deadlines, long hours and low pay, but at least I loved it. I made my grand exit while working a gifting suite in Los Angeles and spent a good chunk of what I had left to get back to Texas. It was the best decision I ever made and I have never looked back, except to say ‘phew!’. And while I struggled for a bit after that, I learned that someone diminishing my self esteem and worth is NEVER worth it. Good for you.

  • Katherene

    Amanda, Amanda, Bravo!  I can definitely relate to your story.  I too walked out on a job earlier in my corporate career.  I got tired of yelling, screaming and belittle myself in front of others.  It was a bit much, too much.  So at the end of the day as usual I said “Good Night, see you tomorrow.”  Tomorrow came and never went back.  It was the greatest feeling of empowerment, I was jobless, but I had my power of self confidence back and I ended up with an awesome job with better pay, and a company who appreciated me.  Thanks for sharing!  I’m so happy for you girl! 

  • Mandyleigh129

    I had the same experience as an intern making nothing working for a major film company, in their publicity department in NYC. It was horrible. And my side job, that paid me $7 an hour, at a music licensing firm, had me cleaning out their president’s porno collection and J.Date profile printout collection from his office after they were kicked out of their office space. Needless to say, I left that job…pretty quickly. Luckily, it was only a temporary time in NYC….but I am thankful for the experience that made me realize that is NOT what I wanted to do. I want to know what people out there like to be berated on a regular basis…for nothing essentially? It’s crazy. 

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_A7FLXMQRRCFO3PLNUBPIAHDWBE S.

    Wow!  I envy your chutzpah!  I think this is a beautiful story with a wonderful happy ending.  And what’s more, you were able to recover yourself and embark on a new career.  Kudos indeed!

  • http://twitter.com/Sk8nPanda Panda Wilson

    I was working for an abusive boss that was related to me. My Grandma married him and made him President of the company(Even though he was incredibly under-qualified) and he enjoyed nothing more than yelling at people in front of everyone and calling people names. I did walk out on the job without a backup plan. I couldn’t take the abuse anymore.

    I now work as an Ice skating coach. I teach underprivileged and special needs kids how to skate. Even though I took a massive pay cut, and things are harder now, I didn’t realize how absolutely unhappy I was before I left until I did and I don’t regret my decision at all.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3F3MM3PLEDSG7B4TG3BDKGHTWA CherylC

    I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story. It is right on time. Thank You!

  • Colleen Oczkowski

    Isn’t this the woman who went bankrupt at 23 and had to live with her parents until she could afford to move to New York? Yet she owned a pair of Jimmy Choos. And then she walked out on a job after 1 year?  Why is this woman even writing things on Learnvest?  Early career jobs SUCK so SUCK IT UP and find another job before quitting the mature way with 2 weeks notice. I cried weekly at my first job out of college.  Welcome to the real world.  Walking out on a job is completely immature and unprofessional.  You just proved all those people who were mean to you that they were right and you couldn’t handle it. That is why I hated “The Devil Wears Prada” so much.
    How can she tell people that this was a wise decision?  Leaving a job, no matter how terrible, with no Plan B is a bad move especially in this economy.  I’m glad it worked out for her in the end but in general it is very irresponsible.  I don’t mean to be harsh but applauding a woman who walked out on a job soon after incredibly poor choices lead her to bankruptcy is… I don’t even know.

    This will probably not be a popular comment but this is how I feel.

    • Illanajayde

      I understand your anger, but I’m giving her kudos for knowing that. Sure, the responsible and mature thing to do is have something lined up… I did that twice, but for her, I suspect she needed her ego and self esteem back before any Plan B was in place. After all, you can’t explain to a future employer; “Sorry for the whole in my soul. My self esteem was torn out and shredded by a bad boss, but I’d you give me a chance here, I’m sure it will be restored shortly after.”
      She walked out without a plan once; as far as we know of, it wasn’t twice. She made a decision and didn’t gloss it over. I applaud her for that because in our pressure driven lives, it takes guts to admit we didn’t think it through in a hyper critical society

      • Colleen Oczkowski

        Hole in my soul?  I think there is a flair for the dramatic here. This is someone who has filed for bankruptcy and has a blog called something like the Angry Office Manager (which seems like it was about the next job she had) so it seems like not liking a job is pretty standard but she sure likes to spend money she doesn’t have.  It is called work.  That is why you get paid.  And even if she didn’t have a plan B she could have quit the mature way.  She was forgiven for her HUGE debt, fell back on her parents 100%, walked out on a job, then wrote a blog complaining about another one… Coming from poor immigrants cleaning offices and and working in cigar factories all I see when I read this is a whiny brat.  I like to see her get sympathy from the West African cab driver or the Mexican laborer struggling to get any job  and would love to work 11 hour days.  To feed their families.  Telling her sob story while wearing her Jimmy Choos.  Seriously, she walked out on her job and promptly bought herself wine!  No more bars, restaurants and shopping!  What deep sacrifices…

      • Colleen Oczkowski

        And I’m not angry but irritated because she failed to mention the bankruptcy and I think that is leaving out a big part of the whole story which is why she is getting so much sympathy.  She clearly has a big history of being fiscally irresponsible.  Yeah, I walked out of a hostessing job at Carrabbas while in college.  No big loss but it was still an immature & bratty thing to do. 

      • Colleen Oczkowski

        And I’m not angry but irritated because she failed to mention the bankruptcy and I think that is leaving out a big part of the whole story which is why she is getting so much sympathy.  She clearly has a big history of being fiscally irresponsible.  Yeah, I walked out of a hostessing job at Carrabbas while in college.  No big loss but it was still an immature & bratty thing to do. 

    • Guest

      Walking out without a Plan B in place aside, I agree, it is absolutely 100% unprofessional in my opinion to not give two weeks notice to an employer. Even a sucky one. This ranks right up there with crying in the office in my book. 

      • Colleen Oczkowski

        Everyone knows you go to the stairwell to cry and not the bathroom where coworkers might hear you.  That is what I do.  

        • Virginia Haines

          Or wait until you get home to cry barring learning about a death (no one faults tears for that just all out sobbing).

    • ATLShutterbug

      I completely agree with your comment. I just wanted to say, “WAH!” when I read this story. Suck it up and actively pursue finding something else. One of my jobs was so stressful my hair started falling out and one day I felt like I was having a heart attack, which turned out to be stress related heart palpitations. I was miserable but I stuck it out to find something else because I was supporting my mother financially at the time and I would not consider shirking my responsibilities. Ironically, at the end of the day I believe that I learned/grew the most from that position – career wise and personally. I have learned to deal better with stress and difficult personalities. I am not condoning staying in a truly abusive situation – but work is not supposed to be rainbows and unicorns! 

  • Mahi

    Thank you for your story. I had a similar situation working for a medium size accounting firm. I worked hard for my degree; working while going to school. I was on verge of tears on my graduation, therefore I was very exited about working especially having the opportunity to work in a public accounting firm (which is supposedly quite a big deal for many accounting students, but not all). But, God Lord, never would I thought I would be belittled, bullied and treated like a fool. I really though at one point they did not like me because I was not caucasian (the office was mainly caucasian) or maybe I had accent. I tried to understand but at the end of the day, it was not about the skin color it was about their character and they were just ill-spirited and big bullies.

  • Cara

    I wish I’d been brave enough to do that. They get away with it because everyone’s terrified of losing their jobs and not getting a good reference, especially in this economy. Sometimes I wonder if they’re like playground bullies and will shut up if you push back.

    One of these days, I’m going to start an F-You Fund so that I can leave if I’m ever in another abusive situation.  

    • Niki

       Cannot explain how much I love the idea of an F-You Fund! Simply brilliant!

  • Vanessa

    I quit my job of 8 yrs last September. I had been thinking about quitting for long time, but the money was really good and I was afraid of the unknown. I made sure I had some savings (3months worth) and didn’t take any vacation time. I knew if I didn’t take them I would get paid for the unused vacation time earned, and that right there was an extra paycheck. One day I got really upset and it was my breaking point. I left, and I’m now making a 1/3 of what I was making before, but I’M REALLY HAPPY!!! I cut my expenses, and became the queen of coupons… funny thing, my lifestyle hasn’t changed that much. Before I would pay full price for everything, but now I don’t eat out unless I have a coupon (livingsocial etc..) or is happy hour! I became a freelancer and when I look back I can’t believe I was so afraid. When there’s a will there’s a way, and if you are a hard worker there is NO WAY you’re not going to be fine. Be creative, like a told a woman I recently met who was complaining about not finding a job, think of something! You know how to cook? Then cook meals and deliver them to office buildings etc… it’ll start slow but if its good and affordable soon you will have a lot of clients… Think of your talents and see how you can explode them! Don’t be afraid… life goes by pretty fast… don’t waste your life on a job that you hate.

    • marie

      Wow, vanessa, way to go!  I wish I could talk with you about your experience!  I’m seven years in with the “golden handcuffs” (just not THAT golden :)  and always thinking about making the leap..   lamoumouche at gmail dot com.  please contact me!

  • http://c0rinne.net Corinne

    I’ve been there but I have not done that. My last job was pretty horrible. It started out ok because I didn’t have much responsibility, but eventually, during the recession, my boss let a bunch of people go and put everything on my shoulders, without providing me with the training necessary to do the job. I had to figure it out myself, and I did. I think she would agree that I did a great job.

    There was one day last year when I did walk out, after my boss started yelling/cursing at me, banging on the desk, and blaming me for being incompetent…until she realized that she was the one who actually made the mistake. I had done nothing wrong and the whole mess was entirely her fault. 

    I myself went and got an iced tea at Starbucks (the one that was a further distance from my job, not the one across the street) and stayed away for over an hour. I then went back to work and got over it for the next year.

    A lot of people quit during that year.

    She treated everyone pretty terribly, and people always came to me to complain (because I was there the longest and new the most about the firm). I had so much responsibility but not nearly enough pay or recognition. 

    I hated to go to work every day and the stress was compounding. I thought about walking out. I thought about not coming back.  

    But I decided to seriously start looking for work instead. I over the 3 years I was there I put out applications but not enough effort. I was reluctant to miss work for job interviews, etc. But I changed my mind. 

    Luckily I found my way out and never looked back.

  • Luanne

    I would absolutely walk out on my current job if I didn’t have rent, my 2 cats to feed and a bad immune system. I really hope that one day my job hunting will pay off before I burn out to this point. 

  • http://c0rinne.net Corinne

    I just wanted to add that it was ironic because I worked for an employment law firm that represented employees who had troubles in their workplace.

  • http://twitter.com/Smecksie Melanie Carek

    I’m glad somebody else pointed out that this is the same girl who filed for bankruptcy at such a young age and made a lot of poor life/financial decisions. No offense to the writer, but I feel annoyed that she has actually come back to talk about yet another poor decision she has made and tried to reflect that it was a “great decision”. If she hadn’t filed for bankruptcy and still had a ton of debt to pay off, I really do not think she would have made the decision to walk out before having something lined up. I feel she is extremely out of touch with reality and doesn’t concern herself with the responsibilities we all share as young adults in this world. We are supposed to be contributing to society not leaching off of it. I say leaching off of it, because it seems she always has this mentality that “somebody will take care of me when I fail” whether it be her parents or government help or whatever.

    I have been in terrible job situations before as well, but I suppose I have a “thicker skin” than her. But you know how I got that way? By the years of experience growing from people trying to tear me down. Not by letting them tear me down and then crumbling to the point of no return. If you just keep running away from the difficult things in life, you will NEVER truly be a strong person. And that makes me sad for you. Deal with the pain now, it will make life easier when you’re older.

    • Colleen Oczkowski

      And it seems interesting how she did not mention the bankruptcy at all in this piece.

  • T Anari A

    I had a similar expereince, but definitely not as bad. After I left I  felt like I had PSD. Except I called it Post-traumatic WORK disorder. I didn’t want to go back to work at all, finally I got back on my feet, and could handle the thought of working for someone again. Now I realize I really love free-lnace work and being a real estate agent, because there is no one breathing down my neck.

  • http://twitter.com/BubblyBlackGirl BubblyBlackGirl

    What an awesome and inspiring story. I think I’ve read her blog before, isn’t she Mandy, the Angry office Manager? I used to read her blog so much when I first move out to NYC. Very funny and witty. 

  • Kievjaguar

    It happened to me one time when I had to run from a  community college library with a toxic environment. I wish employers and companies also had a probation period.

  • grammaob

    Leaving now is better than waiting 25 years into a job, after the emotional abuse has taken a physical toll on the body, and you’re too old to be able to get a job that can support your family’s lifestyle. Do it while your options are wide open and responsiblities are low. 

  • Amanda Schulze

    “On a good day, I can say things happen for a reason. On a bad day, I don’t know why or how things happen.” I can relate. :) Thanks for the great article!

  • Lolines

    People should never allow their bosses to mistreat them. If you wouldn´t stay in a relationship with some abusive man, why would you do that to yourself in the workplace? Because they pay you? 

  • Jay2

    is it me the only one thinking that there was another way of standing up for yourself rather than leaving and never coming back?
    I also feel that the LearnVest feedback is incomplete.  The advice should be not only about not leaving the job without a safety net, but also advising how to deal with an abusive manager.  From the comments, I see that there are plenty of people going through the same situation. 

    There is a difference between “having thick skin” and “putting up with abuse.”   I’ve also seen that there is always a way of turning around ugly situations with managers unless there is a deal breaker involved (e.g. unless there is sexual harassment or fraudulent/unethical behavior involved).One of the practices that has worked for me in the past is talking to my manager in private, when we both have a cold head, and explaining that demeaning adjectives are uncalled for and unnecessary.  This needs to be done as soon as the first instance happens to ensure that it doesn’t happen again.  If it happens again, another talk needs to be held, perhaps with HR in the room if there is any.     Also, Iistening to my manager and see what’s causing that behavior helps. Is he/she under excessive stress?  was the person before me responding well to the name calling?  is that part of the corporate culture? (if that’s part of the corporate culture and if that’s a deal breaker for you, then there is clearly a company fit problem)Also, getting a mentor, inside or outside of the company who has been through the same and can guide with the necessary steps is very helpful.   Above all, it helps not taking things that seriously helps because I can assure you, 80% of the time it’s not you, it’s them.  Maybe he had an abusive manager in his younger years and the style worked for him, maybe his wife treats him like that at home and he is just blowing steam at the office, maybe he was going through a divorce (one of my previous yeller managers was going through his divorce and trust me, his behavior was ugly at the office, but it was less than a year).

    Ever since I made it to manager, even if I work in a fast paced, high stress environment and my employees make mistakes, I don’t see the need of calling them names or yelling at them. We are human, we all make mistakes in the job.  

    I am not sure how your ex-boss made it to that position but he should be good at something if he has been leading a team for years (unless it’s a family owned and he is a relative of the owner); probably there was something to learn from that guy.  I would be interested in listening to his side of the story.  From what I read, it seems to me that he had a different expectation from you and that he probably thought he was giving you the tools to achieve it and that  you weren’t responding up to par. Unless he was indeed a bad person (which also happens). 

    I’m also thinking that the company probably wanted to avoid lawsuits, that’s why they gave you a one-week severance (and if the abuse was as bad as you describe it, you probably should have talked to a lawyer before pulling the plug).  I’m not a lawyer but it would have been interesting to talk to one and hear his/her opinion.

    On the flip side, some of the criticism towards gen Y’ers, is this type of behavior: leaving without coming back, without dealing with conflict head on.  I’m not saying that being fed up and depressed after a year of abuse or burnout are small things.  They are big issues (and yes, life is too short to be unhappy), but again, there are many other factors here that could have been taken into consideration and that we all can learn to do to turn the situation around.Some of the criticism towards women is not standing up for ourselves or for being passive aggressive in conflicts (e.g. complaining without taking action to solve the conflict).  We are all guilty of that at least once in our lives, but once we learn, we move onto bigger challenges.  Good luck and thank you for sharing your story in such a sincere way. 

  • pamorama

    I’ve had at least two of these sorts of bosses but in far less glamorous industries. One was a boss at an major card/travel services vendor many years ago in Los Angeles. He showed up for maybe 2 hours once a week to take leisurely phone calls, raged at me when my computer inexplicably had everything wiped from it (the IT manager told me it had been wiped clean on purpose), took credit for things I did right entirely intuitively, told me to SPY on an account manager whom he was determined to fire (after the man had worked for the company for 25 years and he eventually did get terminated), and continually belittled me for not “knowing” what to do–much as this author indicates her boss did. I was lauded by everyone in the company except for my own boss and a woman who wanted the job badly but it was given to me. I’ve never worked harder at sticking it out, but the day I left was one of complete relief.

    I was young, eager and able to recover, but the experience completely altered my idealism about effort and reward.

  • Ellerene

    You are definitely brave to leave without anything in the works but I say BRAVO!  No one deserves to be treated that way in any industry.  I left a job after 6 months (entertaiment industry) for similar treatment but not just towards me (I wasn’t treated quite so bad)  I just couldn’t stand the way my boss treated other people.  I did have something lined up though.  However, I’ve now found myself in the layoff pool and am looking for work.  It also doesn’t help that I found out right before I was laid off that I’m pregnant.  My biggest fear is that I won’t be hired because of my current pregnancy even though I have a great resume and excellent references.  But as you said, it eventually all works out for the good.  That’s what I keep telling myself.  I wish I had a talent, like writing, that I could fall back on and create my own career.  Congrats on your success!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000176924231 Connie Garza Charles

    I pretty much showed up one morning and told my supervisor that it would be my last day. People were pleasant but tasks weren’t getting done because the tools weren’t there and you still had to produce. It wasn’t just me. In the next few months, many more people would be leaving. I can take working hard as I have been at other places and have been the one to stay when others leave when the going gets tough. I stayed because I was treated well by the people I worked with. 

  • Madison

    Thanks so much for sharing this!  I didn’t have the guts to just walk out on my last job, but I did end up quitting.  I was so emotionally burned out that about 4 months before I quit, I would come home from work and I would cry myself to sleep.  I was so stressed out it was really affecting my health.  I hated myself going to work.  And the only reason I went was because it was a full time job that paid relatively well.  Both my boss and my supervisor were awful in their treatment of me; like you said, expecting me to be “psychic.”  

    My mom told me I should try and stay as long as I could, to “get experience” and make money, and get something lined up before I quit.  And I understood what she was saying.  I definitely didn’t want to quit without having something lined up.  But got to the point where some days I about got up from my desk and just left.  

    Eventually I had a conversation with a really good friends, and she told me that I had to do what is right for me.  Which doesn’t always include making money.  If this job was killing me emotionally and mentally, I had to leave.  So I made up my mind and put in my notice.  And while I didn’t have anything lined up when I put in my notice, it was the best feeling in the world.  

    Two weeks after I quit, I was offered a different job.  I work two jobs now, and make considerably less money, so that is stressful.  But my work life is not a constant barrage of hate.  And that is good.  

  • http://positivelyjewls.com/ Positivelyjewls

    This was a seriously awesome article.  You made the right choice and although you had no back up plan you were blessed to find a job in no time so kudos to you.  There are so many people who stay at jobs that they are miserable at because it pays the bills and although we all need to pay our bills, we must make sure we never stop looking until we find what’s right for us as everyone is a human being and no one deserves to be treated like crap.

    This seriously hit home for me as before the job I am at now I was miserable at two different jobs.  The first one I got laid off, was freaked out at first but within a month found a new job, yay! This new job was great at first until the wicked witch from the west came in and she was allot like your old boss.  I was then blessed to find the job  I am currently at and actually love it here. I don’t wake up in the morning dreading to go to work and it gives me the room to do my writing and jewelry making on the side.  Couldn’t ask for anything more.

  • Denise

    Yep … my story is very similar… the worst times of my life were the two last years of what was supposed to be my dream job… I    walked into another job, which I lost after a car accident! The last two years of learning to work freelancing from home have been really tough, but I am getting closer to where I need to be at last… Having a plan is the ideal, but sometimes you HAVE to risk it to save your sanity… without that, you will not earn again for a LONG time!

  • adorable

    Good job. Unbelievable, yet not surprsining that they tried to claim you were too thinned skinned for the job. Sorry, anyone who moves to NYC and lives on a low salary, doing their best on a daily basis is anything but thin skinned. I was in a very similar situation at a job in NYC. While I didn’t walk out (I waited to get my bonus, then gave notice), there were several moments when I seriously considered it. I totally agree with you that you have to learn to find faith in yourself after a job like that. I found that to be the biggest challenge of it all. So glad to hear you found a much better work environment afterwards. 

  • Mendry66

    I just want to praise you for the bold move and also inform you that you are not alone. I interned at a very prestigious fashion showroom and the same can be said for my many female bosses. The environment was catty, gossipy and when someone got scolded it often meant being screamed at in front of everyone without regards to your feelings. Although I experienced it, my experience was not as bad although some other employees and interns got it way worse. They would critique your attire, make fun of you, belittle you, gossip behind your back… the whole nine. As an intern I walked out right after fashion week. I’d been worked relentlessly, from 7am t0 8pm (sometimes even after midnight). They managed paying interns cab fare and other expenses horribly, and I had no money to even make it out to the internship (this internship took place after college, so I neither got paid nor could I get credit hours).  I learned a lot about myself, how much I am willing to do for a job and also where I draw my lines professionally. 

  • sigmatheta

    I left an advertising agency after my boss asked me to call the bank and cancel a photographer’s check 2 minutes AFTER she’d delivered the totally satisfactory photos and left.  The boss was literally counting on the young photographer not having the money and experience to sue.  When I told my boss I was quitting, she thought I was shaking her down and offered me a raise! (Shows you how her mind worked.) I had to wait tables for a few months after that but I never regretted walking out to keep my integrity.

  • Caitlin Smith

    I
    too had a ridiculing, berating boss. Giving notice, via a letter dropped in the
    mail slot the night before he returned from a week-long trip to Abu Dhabi, was
    one of the most freeing moments of my life. Great story and thanks for sharing.

  • Lila lauveu

    Wow, Sounds very similar to my situation.  My boss is Devil Wears Prada to a tee. Control freak, OCD (we all must wipe our shoes with baby wipes upon entering office, sharpen and fill each cup of pencils at the same height etc) It’s draining as I double as the director of sampling and my bosses personal assistant. She berates me in front of my employees, nit picks and has break downs over my inability to read her mind. I have no executive decisions in my own department. She reads and comments on my emails 3+ times a day, correcting my grammar and commenting on my emails which she forwards to the original recipient. I am constantly overwhelmed as picking dead leaves off of plants clearly takes precedent over my duties within my department. 
    I am at my breaking point this week, after a tragic death in my family left me devastated and heartbroken. I did not miss a day despite, taking the morning off of the funeral, and leaving early for wake/arrangements. My boss not only did not show a lick of compassion, she did not even grace me with a “Im sorry for your loss” she screamed and kicked a box in my direction for throwing dead plant leaves at my desk as I was not able to tend to in the AM due to my absence. I haven’t felt so beaten down in my life, I find myself constantly crying as I cannot get by on my $11.00 an hour pay. I see no light at the end of this, trapped in the idea that this job will somehow better me.  I am almost at my year mark. With no money to fall on, Im hoping to pay up my rent next week, quit find something in the next month and move forward.

    • kirk

      I know your comment is 3 months old, but I sure hope you left. Life should not be (can not be!) about that $11 an hour (or any amount of money). If you have not done so, I want to encourage you to buckle down and make an escape plan. Get out…and enjoy your life again. With today’s technology and the ability to find online work in so many places (odesk, taskrabbit, guru, etc. The list is massive) why would you stay and take such abuse?

      C’mon people…don’t we ALL have a moment in our lives, whether related to work or relationships, that we look back at and say to ourselves, ‘I should have just picked up my stuff and walked away’? I wish I would have, I wish I would have!

  • Aria8

    Amen to that sister! I was in a similar situation, it was my first “big girl”  job after graduating University two years ago and it was a complete bust. I did not mind the job it was the boss from hell that created such a toxic and “mafia- like” environment with her belittling and up and down behaviour that, I always felt like WWI was about to break out (even though at times it did) granted there was only three of us in the office. By the end ( 6 months into the job) I was burned out and broken down on every level. I walked out the day before an important assignment with whatever shred of dignity I had left over.This was two months ago, I cried for the first month and I was super depressed b.c it was completely out of my workaholic and keener character to walk out of a job, and for the first time since having a job at 14 years of age I did not have a plan B.However, luckily I have a supportive family to fall back on for support. I am now unemployed, and trying to find a job with whatever my education and work experience will get me. Looking back on it, I still feel a sense of bitterness b.c I let the job get the worst of me even though I was damn good at it. However,  everything in life is an experience, and I realized that no job or salary is worth your dignity or your health, and no one has the right to ever treat a human being like dirt I don’t care who the hell they are. 

  • Ricomaurer

    I’m curious how you explained the fact you walked out of your job to your new employer.  Everytime, I have had to explain that I left a job because the boss was absolutely atrocious or the work environment was very toxic.  I get these blank or hostile stares from my interviewer as if I am lying or I am incompetent. 

  • TiredOfIt

    If a boss is berating without knowing what they are doing that is one thing. However, if they know what they are doing a we are to dumb to figure it out that is our fault.
    Why are peopl so sensitive? All of you are a bunch of babies, companies do not exist to make you feel better, they exist to generate revenue. I am so tired of employee stating,they don’t like being treated a certain way….what? Why? Because employees don’t read the information in front of them, because they don’t pay attention to their surroundings, because they can’t have their phone on them?
    There is something seriously wrong with the work force and it starts with these comments in this string of responses.
    If you don’t know what you are doing, then ask. If you do not understand how something works, ask. If you think you made a mistake, say something before someone else has to fix it for you.
    Stop wasting people’s time, you are causing dis function in work places and annoying turn over. If you don’t have the courage to stand up for yourself from the beginning than you never will, you are not meant to be in charge of anything, except yourself.
    Companies continue to malfunction because there are employees that stand by and think the company is there solely for thei benefit, get a clue be part of the solution, not the problem.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100005058277948 John E. Cash

    try working for the USPS for a career. the pay and benefits were wonderful but burnout came along after a short, short time……with 27 years combined federal service (including military service) i was offered early retirement. i didn’t really retire but more like i QUIT. i had had all i could take of the micro managing and lies from management trying to keep their jobs.

  • Sanya

    I walked out on my job last week, it was not fashion industry but still as stressful as yours. My last day off was a month ago. They make me stay at work until 10 pm. Saturday mornings my phone rings and when I answer I just hear “write this down” or “arrange this” or “check this”. The culmination was when last week I had to write homework for my employer`s daughter. My parents wanted me to keep this job since their business cooperates with this one and I said no. I started seeing a therapist, I was so concerned for my health since I`ve never experienced this amount of stress. My boss keeps asking me to stay without mentioning higher salary or more free time and I keep saying no. One more week, one more week. And life will make sense again. I plan to stay in bed all day on Saturday and hitchhike somewhere abroad for some time. Never do what irritates you this much, your health and your life are your priorities.

  • Kat

    I walked out of my job one day after having only been there about two months. I had NEVER, EVER done this before, and before I did it, I would have said to anyone else who has walked out before, how childish, unprofessional, and dumb it is to walk out. Now that I understand what a lot of you and the author felt, I would tell anyone, don’t judge a person’s decision to walk out, unless you’ve been in their shoes. Sometimes, it is the best decision for you, and maybe for your family.

    When I got the job I left, I was originally told I was going to be an office/administrative assistant, helping out with special projects, tasks, providing support for the whole team, scheduling meetings, keeping office supplies in stock, making travel arrangements, and things of that nature. About three weeks into my job, they had the person who did the billing start training me on it. I was under the impression at the time I was learning this to help out if needed or as a just in case, and for the fact the person training me was going out of town for three weeks, and a few invoices had to be sent out while she was gone. I was okay with that. I considered that providing support to the team. All of a sudden, I was expected to know that I was to do all of the billing for the company, and I was taking it over. I found out about a week before I walked out, because the woman in HR made a slip of the tongue, I was hired to do the billing because the girl who was doing it, didn’t want to do it any longer. That was a complete shock to me. Basically, she wanted to be the office assistant, and have us switch roles from what I was originally hired to do, but they didn’t want to tell me that. About the time I started the training on billing, is when I became unhappy with my job. I was working about 50 hours a week, plus sometimes on the weekends and until 10:30-11 at night, and for what my husband says, “crap pay.” I was spending less and less time with my husband. And the times we did spend together, all I ever did was either work, think about work and how much I didn’t want to go back or how much I had to do at work. Or, I was getting constant emails about work and people needing me to do things for them right at that moment.

    I had come home several times upset. The night before I walked out, I came home and just broke down emotionally. My husband came home and saw how upset I was. I was so surprised when he said he had known for several weeks how unhappy I was, but he thought it would get better, but he’s only seen it get worse. He said if I was so unhappy, no amount of money was worth it, and I should just give them my two weeks notice the next day.

    I went in the next day with the intention of giving my notice, but my day started out HORRIBLY and just kept going downhill from there. It wasn’t even noon yet, and I was on the verge of a mental, emotional breakdown. My boss was out of town, and my coworker had to leave for an appointment. I had been praying about how unhappy I was, and when my coworker left, it was like God was yelling at me, saying, “GET OUT. GET OUT NOW. DO IT OR YOU NEVER WILL. JUST LEAVE. THIS IS YOUR ONLY CHANCE.” That feeling felt so strong, I hurriedly packed my things, left all company property, wrote a notice of resignation, left the key, locked the door, got in my car, and went home.

    On my way home, I broke down because I didn’t realize how stressed, unhappy, and how much I hated my job until that moment. I felt free. I felt like I had finally stood up for myself.

    I had never felt like I had been treated more like I was stupid, taken advantage of (which, my husband and dad feel I was, too), and less like I belonged. I realize now, I was taken advantage of, and I kind of feel lied to about my job description. I could never understand why I always felt out of place, less like I belonged there, and why I always felt like I was walked all over and as though no one appreciated me. I have had worse jobs…I used to work in a pizza restaurant when I was in high school, and my dad said I was even happier working there than the job I quit. When your family notices how unhappy you are, that is a problem. You should never sacrifice your happiness for money. That puts strains on relationships, and can cause marriages to break up, your children to be unhappy, your friends to isolate you, and in the end, just make you absolutely miserable. I got lucky. I have a husband who supports me and wants me to be happy. I was so surprised when he said he could see how unhappy I was. I didn’t think he noticed. I know a lot of you disagree with people who have walked out, but unless you have been in our shoes, you may never understand. Some people can only take so much before they break. Why do you think some people take their own lives? We’re all human, we all have a breaking point, but we all are entitled to happiness. If your job makes you unhappy, change it and change it FAST. Life is WAY too short to be unhappy.

    Do I regret walking out the way I did? Yes and no. I know God has bigger and better things for me, and I believe all things happen for a reason. What was the bigger reason for me walking out? I may never know, but I do know one thing, I wasn’t meant to work for that company. I’m also glad I didn’t stay, because I could see the job ruining my marriage. My husband and I are very close, and there were times I wouldn’t get home until 7:30, I’d make dinner, do some work things, and then go to bed without us ever really talking. That’s not healthy for a marriage. As I said, I’m glad I did what I did because my family and my health are way more important than money.

  • falala

    I can relate to the stories of employees walking out of their job because of their mean boss etc BUT on my part , I own a store for 10 years – a busy one , and I have seen a few employees walked out of their job ( with which 90% of them called us a few days later if they could get their job back ) because they do not like being corrected and they seem to think that their work performance is up to par even if its not . My husband and I work with all employees with respect … we do not curse or belittle anybody since both him and I are actually nice people and we’ve been a previous employees before we were able to get our store so we actually know how it feels how to be one . We never walked out of our jobs either . I had a job in the past that I hated so much but I still put in my one week notice regardless of the hatred I had for that said job. Now I have seen a few walked out on us because they think we do not have the right to correct them as our employees is absurd and maybe they feel happy that they are out of the job and I also feel the same way . Losing these kind of employees is actually a relief …a big one at that . I am saying this because it seems like “walking out ” is becoming a normal occurrence in a job . I mean it is okay if the boss is mean and really horrible etc but it is also an improper way of proving someone else’s act of disapproval to the management .