Why I Want to Marry Rich (The Man’s Perspective)

Posted

In our Money Mic series, we present an essay from someone with a bold opinion on a money topic. These views are theirs, not ours, but we are interested in hearing what you think.

After witnessing the lively debate inspired by one “Emilia Echolls” who told us why she wants to marry rich, we decided to give the other team a chance at bat. This time, we found a successful, intelligent, nice guy to give us his opinion.

I’m a man, and I want to marry rich.

Hey, I’m not (the male version of) a gold digger. I’m 56 years old with my own successful business. Mitt Romney I am not, but I can tell you I’m in the top 1%. Because of this and my values, I aim high. I plan on marrying someone with wealth equal to or greater than mine. I just would never be satisfied with anything else.

How to Spot a Gold Digger

I’ve spent a lot time dating since my first marriage ended ten years ago. (It didn’t end for financial reasons, but because we had different views on how to raise children.) And I can tell you it just gets old when you have a gold digger on your hands. I don’t want to look into somebody’s pocket, and I hate when they look into mine.

If they’re obvious, they ask questions early on. “How much did you pay for that? How do you travel to this and that place?” They are looking for your price points. When the subject of paying for something comes up in conversation, they retort with, “Well, I made you dinner,” as though cooking dinner is a fair trade for my paying for a vacation to the islands. And it’s also the tone in which they say it, almost indignantly. I don’t mind providing for my partner, but that dynamic rings hollow to me. I would rather avoid it altogether.

Don’t get me wrong, I was in a relationship for a couple of years where my girlfriend brought amazing emotional support. But she still had her own source of financial support. So it wasn’t like it was a trade—my financial support for her emotional support. She was just a great girlfriend who didn’t ask for anything financial in return.

Looking for an Equal

It’s not about financial comfort: I have money. For me, it’s about appreciation and awareness. I work very hard at what I do. I didn’t marry into wealth, and I didn’t inherit anything. When I look to my next partner, I want somebody who has worked that hard as well. I want someone who can appreciate what it took to get where I am today.

It’s almost like childbirth. A man can only imagine what it’s like to give birth, and women who haven’t given birth can’t appreciate it until they go through it. It’s an extreme example, but I think you’ve got to live the life of a hard-working person to appreciate it. Someone who is a manager or owns a business has to develop a broad set of skills. They see much more and have a wider experience, and that is where the attraction lies for me.

To me, this has nothing to do with feminism. It comes down to passion; it transcends gender.

I’m Not the Only One

A lot of my friends are wealthy. Frankly, I think I’m probably one of the least wealthy of the bunch. (Though that’s just a hunch—I don’t ask.) I have one female best friend and three male best friends, and they are all very well off. We don’t sweat the small stuff. I’m not the only one who feels this way about dating someone with money. One friend, who has a live-in girlfriend, is very adamant about dating in his economic bracket. He works very hard at what he does, and appreciation is a big theme for him.

Fifteen years ago, I admit, I would have felt a little emasculated to marry a woman who has more money than I do. When I was in college, my best friend married a woman whose parents were very wealthy. He got a home in Ohio and in Florida, cars and a position with her father’s company. I don’t know what I disliked more: his situation, or the fact that my parents thought that should have been me.

I can understand why men feel like they should be the higher earner, but now that I’m a little older and wiser, having less money than my wife wouldn’t be much of an issue, as long as the wealth disparity wasn’t flaunted.

After the Fact

The author had a prenup when he divorced, but we’re not all that prepared. How do you think finances should be handled after a breakup? SHARE

My Current Situation

I’ve been dating a lovely woman for more than six years. She knows I want to be with someone who has money, and she understands. One of the issues that broke up her marriage way back when was that her ex-husband struggled while she thrived in her career. It put a lot of pressure on that marriage.

She’s 14 years younger than me, and she isn’t quite “rich” yet. But she has the fire in her belly to be there. And when we finally tie the knot, I believe we’ll both be high earners. Who knows, maybe she’ll make more! And that would be just fine with me. I’m not totally sure yet if we will get married. It changes, like with anything else. If, for some reason, she was not successful and lost that drive, it would be a huge factor in a decision to break up.

If we do get married, we will absolutely get a prenup. I had one in my first marriage. We were both career people, we both had our assets and when we divorced—there was no friction. It’s very fortunate that we both saw it as necessary.

Interestingly enough, when my girlfriend and I talked about getting married, she said she wanted a prenup, even though she currently has fewer assets than I do. She failed to get one in her first marriage, so she doesn’t want to make that mistake again.

While Money Can’t Buy Happiness …

It does buy the reduction of stress. Having the financial flexibility not to stress out about every little thing is valuable to me, and being fairly close in financial position takes away a source of conflict and negotiation in a relationship, and buys calmness.

I don’t think money is the end-all-be-all. If you don’t have your health, you haven’t got anything. And in relationships, no matter how much money you have, if you don’t get along, it doesn’t mean anything. I learned that from my first marriage. You can’t find love through any one thing—it’s a blending. But wealth is one of those things I require—my personal dealbreaker, if you will.

Mark Smith is a entrepreneur in his 50s living in Ohio. He has been dating his girlfriend for six years. He is using a pseudonym because of the sensitive nature of the topic.

More From LearnVest

Now that’s fair: Here’s how to split expenses with your partner.
Your friends might matter even more than your partner, so avoid these financially toxic friends.
Quiz: Do you have money comparisonitis?

  • cara

    I think Mr. “Smith” is wise. From this article, his life’s security and purpose seems to rest in his bank account. He does well to hold on to it. 

  • Cj3wilso

    I think it’s an interesting viewpoint. I don’t think we hear honest opinions about money in relationships too often because it’s rather taboo. I think it is natural to desire your partner to make a similar amount of money as you do. A big disparity in income can certainly create some problems. Generally I don’t find the trading of household chores to be equal with earning a high income at work. The high income earner could hire a maid instead. Some people choose this set up and it works for them. As a person earns more money I think this setup stops working well. He or she doesn’t need help at home.. that is too easy to afford. They need a person to be there for them emotionally, have the same values, similar friends, lifestyle and help contribute financially to the relationship. 

  • Mary Brennan

    Great perspective.  I was surprised at the intensity of my reaction.  For years I’ve been part of that silent but growing group of women who left marriage behind because what a man valued from woman was lots of sex, no opinions, and getting a beer brought to them after a hard day at work.  While I’m still skeptical that most men don’t still secretly wish we’d just shut up and hop in bed, it gives me hope to hear that someone values a female breadwinner.  For me, I’m still avoiding the male gold diggers, and I still doubt that there is any redeeming quality in the idea of “marriage” that would make me take that plunge again….but thanks for the hope.  It makes for a nice change.

  • Guest

    I think this is a very depressing take on relationships in America these days. I don’t think what you are looking for has anything to do with love and compassion for someone else….. but instead a business partner bringing the same or more to the table as you. My concern would be that if a more lucrative opportunity should arise one of you will decide fairly emotionlessly to go for it. Best of luck- I surely hope I am never in your position. I wouldn’t go to the effort of getting married- “for richer for poorer” doesn’t seem to come into the equation for you…..very sad.

    • Anonymous

       ”Earning capacity” – ever heard of that before?

  • Alysha

    What about someone with incredible drive working at a nonprofit, or as an educator, a researcher, or doctor? The author equates earning potential with passion, intelligence, and ambition – which strikes me as shallow. 

  • Akrieg15

    While I think having a similar income bracket makes things easier right now, life simply put is not easy and relationships should be able to withstand tough times. Having someone in the same income bracket does make it easier now. But I think you have missed other values and focused too much on the bottom line. So what happens if one of u loses ur job or someone should stay home to take care of parents or kids does that dependent person suddenly get the boot? Oh right, those things dont happen to the top 1%. Doesn’t sound like ur comfortable and easy financial relationship would withstand hardship.

  • JackieAU5

    Very interesting article. I appreciate this author’s honesty–and quite frankly, realist point of view. It’s great the he knows what he wants and doesn’t want to be anyone’s sugar daddy. He’s already been married so he’s been around the block. There’s nothing wrong with that. And to his defense, I don’t see anything above that says that if he fell in love head over heels with someone that wasn’t in his tax bracket he wouldn’t pursue it. He would just prefer to be in the company of someone with the same interests, which in this case is a power career and ambition to make money. What’s the difference between those interests and an interest in hiking or activism for instance?

    • MzNatural

      I’m in agreement with you Jackie.  Personally I like this man’s honest viewpoint and am not surprised that people believe that he is wrong for knowing he wants to marry someone within a similar tax bracket.  It seems like when it comes to money it is a moral ethical dilemma however if it is another issue- wanting to marry someone who is similar to you such as an active lifestyle, a vegan, someone of the same faith even- that’s ok. 

  • Val

    Hey buddy, believe it or not, it’s possible to be a “hard-working person” and still not be rolling in cash. To listen to you, you’d think the only reason we’re not all part of the 1% is because we’re a bunch of lazy, unambitious slobs! Good luck to your girlfriend — sounds like she’ll need it.

  • http://lindasaffioti.com/ Linda

    I personally believe actual dollar amounts have less to do with the decision, as Mr Smith puts it “It comes down to passion”. Passion for life and earning.
    My partner and I have a 7.5 year difference, he is 23 I am 31. At first I struggled with knowing it might be a few years before he caught up to me and what that could mean as far as starting a family goes. I am now independent in my earnings flow (it took a while to get there but it’s a good feeling) and the thing for me is that I know he has the drive to equal my passion for earning and enjoying life. Although we may not be able to enjoy the most flamboyant dinners or holidays together right now, it will come in time. I know he loves me and has my best interest at heart and for me that is the most valuable thing. Marrying for money is a gamble in itself. You may meet someone with the funds… which they could quite easily lose. As they say, you’re better off deciding if you can be with that person, for better or worse.

  • Llodwick

    I like this guy.  I know several “wealthy” single men that are friends of my husband and they have the same thought process.  My husband and I are very comfortable financially, having both earned our own money.  One of our friends is divorced and his first wife took him for everything he had (he said the dog did not even want to live with him).  After re-inventing himself and rebuilding his wealth, there will never be a second wife, trust me.  Another guy was married three times, each wife taking him for whatever they could get.  I asked him recently if he would ever get married again.  He replied that he should “take a shortcut and simply buy a house for a woman (he) cannot stand.”  That way, he can forego all the arguments.  At least he has a sense of humor about it.  My husband and I understand that being debt-free is wonderful, but we both feel it should be a joint effort, which it was.  We are 60+ years of age.  Again, I applaude this guy.   You go, guy. 

  • Anonymous

    I hope you do marry someone in the 1%. I have friends who have chosen each other as mates based on the shared point of view that having money was the most important aspect of life. This was about 15 years ago, and they have money. Of course, neither of them are particularly empathetic, giving, nurturing, caring types. They’re miserable together. They don’t divorce now because there was no prenup, and they both know that the divorce will be a War of the Roses scenario – they do not trust each other in money matters and know that the fighting over the splitting of assets will be long and painful. He cheats on her constantly, using women with more empathy than his wife to get the nurturing and emotional support he needs. These women have less money, so he has no interest in any sort of permanent relationship with one – he just uses them. I can’t speak about his wife (he and I dated for a few weeks when he was single, but his obsession about money was a turn off - I broke it off but we became best friends for the next 20 years). He hates himself, his wife, his life. They have no children, nor will they, although he did want kids.
    Both of these people made money a priority for each of them. never were they, or their relationship, a priority for either.
    The writer isn’t saying anything new: people have been marrying for money forever. That’s one of the reasons there are so many divorces  The writer says that his divorce wasn’t about money, but marrying someone for their earning potential or their drive to and success at making money isn’t the same as marrying for the things that create wonderful relationships: empathy, understanding, caring, compromise. If the writer feels that the personality traits that he looks for in his stock broker should be the same one he looks for in a wife, all I can say is good luck on the next divorce. I’m sure it’ll be wonderful knowing that that “fire in her belly” will never be for you, but for your income bracket.

  • Stacey

    No one in the 1% lives in Ohio…nice try. 

    • chelsea

      ha i thought the same thing… i would love to know the specifics of his $

      • Guest

        There is a lot of wealth in the midwest and all over the country.  Don’t be so naïve.

      • Guest

        Why do the specifics matter?

    • Llodwick

      You might be surprised….they simply don’t make a “show” of it.  Ever heard of “the millionaire next door”?

  • Anon

    I found this man’s viewpoint shallow, primarily because he makes the rather shortsighted assumption that his success is wholly dependent on his personal skill and hard work–and thus, his girlfriend’s should similarly be so. I completely understand dating someone who has similar passion, drive, ambition, and who also values financial independence. Putting aside the fact that a chunk of success in life is dependent on luck and the support of others, there are also many important fields of work with ambitious individuals in which hard work and high intelligence reap a low paycheck. 

  • Cj3wilso

    Okay so I’m going to be the devil’s advocate here. People are against him marrying someone with the same amount of money or more. He even says he’d consider someone who makes a little less. Now let’s consider it this way: How many people marry down? Like way down? Middle class usually marries middle class. Generally a familiar level of income. I simply don’t hear about people marrying someone who grew up in a shack. As much as we try to be a society less about money and class, it still exists. I personally would not want to marry someone who is a lot less educated, not knowledgeable about how middle class operates, etc. And then complains to me about how unequal our society is. However I also believe in removing those divides as much as we can. I think it makes for a happier society. I’d rather focus on the problem of access to good education, health care, etc then trying to get the top 1% to marry down. 

    • http://www.bmwysp.deviantart.com Jennifer Megan Varnadore

      I knew someone who could barely read well, and I dated him. I didn’t like his ignorance, and we clashed. It didn’t even have to do with his reading level, just his willingness to learn what being human meant, and being an individual who was mature and caring. I still don’t like people who are that far down in immaturity. I however, am about to obtain my Associate’s Degree, and my fiance didn’t finish high school. He is extremely intelligent despite all of that.

  • Adzhivago

    Wow… what a jerk. Listen, to live a happy, healthy lifestyle one does not need to be in the 1%. A woman with multiple degrees, a strong work ethic and a respect for others may not make that income and shouldn’t be ashamed of that. There are other ways to match contributing income percentages to bills to balance on both sides no matter who makes what. Anything outside of a decent middle-class to upper middle-class income is luxury as far as I am concerned. No one NEEDS two houses and really the issue of this article is that a guy wants to live in luxury, he wants a woman to live it with but will resent her if she can’t always pay for herself- (in luxury). This is a personal decision obviously, but its limiting and superficial. 

  • KMac

    I don’t have a problem with the viewpoint of wanting to marry money. What I do have a hard time with is his idea that if you don’t have money, you haven’t worked really hard. For those of us who choose to work in nonprofit, we may not make a lot of money, but the fulfillment, job satisfaction and sense of contribution outweigh the loss of income. This guy says, “When I look to my next partner, I want somebody who has worked that hard as well. I want someone who can appreciate what it took to get where I am today.”   Problem is, he’s equating “getting somewhere” with a paycheck rather than with contribution, career success, etc. Seems to be a rather limiting viewpoint.

    • http://www.bmwysp.deviantart.com Jennifer Megan Varnadore

      Your viewpoint, as well as many others here, is extremely valid. I’m broke except for about 16.11 in checking, 5 in savings, and 3 I’m giving to my church. I stay at home right now until I can obtain a job, which I hope will be at the new Huddle House in town they’re putting up. I usally clean and cook, while he works construction. We don’t make much, and are often up past our head in bills. We are happy though. In a way, it is an equal partnership, and in others it isn’t, because I don’t even have a job at this moment. I am in school full time though, and also hope to get an internship at the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center. In my life, I have worked hard to get even this far, but I don’t think that working hard is synonomous with high 1% earnings. The hardest people I’ve seen work were actually more in the lower 1% than higher….

  • Caitlin Young

    Wow, I’m amazed at the hate Mr. Smith has generated! I don’t necessarily like or agree with everything he says, but there is one part in particular that really resonated with me. He acknowledges that when he was younger (30s-40s, peak business and earning years) he would have been intimidated by a woman that was his financial equal or better. So how can young professional men learn this early without waiting to go through a first divorce and realizing the benefit of an equal partner. I’m a very successful 20-something and I’ve dated two divorced men in their early 40s and for both of them part of what drove the divorce was the feeling that they had to carry the burden of the family and were not in an equal partnership. We got along because I was very business-minded and carried my own weight and we could relax in that shared sense of camaraderie.

    I don’t judge Mr. Smith merely for being part of the 1% and flaunting his ‘elitist’ concepts of relationships. I’m part of the 99% but I still make enough money that his remarks hit home. I still have student loan debt, so I want a partner that respects money and will respect my savings and debt paydown goals and not insist that we go on luxury vacations or out to eat all the time. On the flip side, I have a personal trainer and send my laundry out for wash & fold and I don’t want to be made to feel bad for my ‘luxury’ choices, or feel like I have to buy two of everything so that both of us can have the same things. 

    Lastly, to the criticism that you can be interesting, driven, etc but not make a lot of money…this is very true. However, I think that there are still a lot of financial issues to be worked out between a well-paid business professional and a professor. Your partner might be fantastically interesting, extremely driven, etc but if you have to pay for everything, or if you have to forgo things you want because they don’t want them/can’t afford them/don’t appreciate them…it will cause tension! Much like how emotional support isn’t a fair trade for financial support, I don’t think you can say intellectual stimulation is a fair trade for financial support. After all, most people wouldn’t want to be with someone that was rich and boring (gold diggers excepted.) So why would you want to be with someone poor but interesting? It’s about having commonality. If I make 50k and you make 35k…we’re in the same ballpark. If I make 100k and you make 35k, money is an issue one way or the other.

    I applaud any man that is self-confident enough to be looking for an equal partner and doesn’t think a woman’s success or wealth is a turnoff. Since you’re probably over 50 like the author, please go tell your sons about this nugget of wisdom. :)

    • guest

       WHY WOULD A GIRL MARRY A DIVORCED(USED) MAN?? IT
      NEVER/VERY SELDOM HAPPENED IN OUR CULTURE.I.E. WE ARE ASIAN..
      HOWEVER, I KNOW ONE LADY WHO MARRIED A LAZY ‘NOBODY’ BECAUSE THE MAN HAPPENED TO INHERIT A FORTUNE FROM HIS
      LATE HARDWORKING OLD DAD.

      • lcgregg

        It makes me very sad to hear that the term divorced has become synonymous with used. I find this incredibly harsh whether you are talking about divorced men or women.

      • http://www.bmwysp.deviantart.com Jennifer Megan Varnadore

        My fiance is divorced. That comment is rude. He isn’t “used” like he’s some secondhand thrift store goods. He’s a good man.

      • Caitlin Young

        Agreed, what an offensive reply. Divorced people, or people with kids are not “damaged goods” anymore than virgin brides are the gold standard. I appreciate cultural differences, but sometimes you’ve got to wake up and join the current era.

  • Jamie

    Wow!  Super SAD!  Sounds more like he wants a business partner instead of a relationship – something that shouldn’t be based on finances, but mutual love, respect and TRUST!  I guess if he lost everything he should be expected to be dumped by his girlfriend – or wife, if they ever marry?

  • Guest

    He sounds like a cheap tool.  I’m a woman who lives in in an apartment in Beverly Hills and I’m more generous than this guy…  Where’d you take her on vacation?  The farm next door?

  • FL

    I respect this man’s opinion, but there are hardworking, ambitious, intelligent people that do not make high salaries.  There are teachers, firefighters, social workers, and even other skilled professions such as architects, etc. that work very hard and are extremely dedicated but do not get compensated accordingly.  We need other segments of the economy besides finance.  Not everyone can go into a career in Finance, our society would simply not function.  To say that women who don’t make a high salary are unambitious and unsuccessful is insulting.-

  • Edie

    Mr. Smith has a pretty unique circumstance, being wealthy and older and knowing what he needs for a partnership (and say whatever you will about his value system, his emphasis on an equal partnership is heartening). For me this article raised questions for those of us not in his circumstances, but facing similar questions about the role money plays in an equal partnership. My partner and I are both young (under 30) and at the early point in our careers, but he will almost certainly earn more money than me for the next few years simply based on the careers we’ve both chosen. The discrepancy isn’t huge, but when discussing things like house-hunting, retirement savings, and kids, the money issue looms large, and I admit often feeling like I’m failing as a partner because I can’t contribute to the same extent monetarily. Maybe for the next installation of this series we could hear from people navigating these questions? 

    • Guest

      I agree, I would very much like to hear more about navigating finances as a couple for big, shared expenses in a partnership – home-buying, children, etc. 

  • EB

    I’m usually a “to each his own” type, but I must say, I’m glad that money doesn’t make MY world go ’round. I’ve been married for nine years and am happier than I have ever dreamed of being, but we’re flat broke. Third kid on the way in a 1100 square foot house; 150,000 miles on both of our cars. Oh well. I wouldn’t trade it to be in the 1%. Not for a second.

    • Caitlin Young

      I agree that this guy is kind of off-putting in his approach, but I think the helpful take-away is that income parity is key in a successful relationship. You and your husband might be broke but you’re broke together…you planned for it, you are happy with the decisions you’ve made and either you make similar amounts of money or you’ve agreed that one person is the majority breadwinner in exchange for the other partner doing something else — maybe taking care of the kids. But the breadwinner & housewife situation doesn’t always end happily (not saying this is you, just in general.)

  • pamorama

    I couldn’t even read the whole thing. It made me ill. So much equating money with value–there are so many things in life that have little financial reward, yet are worth so much emotionally. Some of the finest, most intelligent and compassionate folk I’ve encountered in life are not “rolling” in it or in the so-called 1%. There’s an element of ruthlessness and calculation (clearly exhibited here) associated with reaching that level of horded wealth that I simply can’t relate to. This author can seek what he wants, and have his own reasons for doing so, but I find it emotionally bankrupt.

    I am sure my lifestyle doesn’t touch his, but I wouldn’t answer a call for a second date with a man like this (and he I’m sure would never call), because of his cold algorithms for a relationship. A girlfriend is rated as “good” because she never asked him for anything. I see a generosity, unselfishness and a together attitude as being the healthiest way to live in an emotional partnership. Whatever my husband and I have made has gone into the mutual “pot” and we make our decisions on what to spend together. We’ve been married for 17 years, and although we are NOT in the 1%, we trust each other inherently, and never compare what one is bringing to the table v. the other. My husband and I have worked hard, tried to make our way in this world comfortable while still not stomping on someone or something to get ahead, and we can sleep at night knowing that we don’t have millions while others who work hard can’t get medication. I actually find this piece sad.

    • Cccx2

       I wanted to reply to this, but I don’t think I could have said it better.

    • Anonymous

       So true – the author sounds like  a woman!

  • Chevy

    Absolutely could not agree more.. I’m having the same issues with my current dating endeavors. He is pleased with mediocrity, and I have the earning power and degrees. Its annoying that I have to pick up the tab and the bills. I out earn him twice or three times over (I don’t know exactly, I don’t ask) but he out spends me twice or three times on things that are hobbies or electronics that only depreciate in value. He also doesn’t understand when I work late, have business meetings, have to travel for my career… Its a constant argument. He’s a musician and I care for him deeply, but having to constantly fret that he is yet again blowing money on some musical instrument or equipment as a hobby drives me insane. I save, I pay down my student debt aggressively, and live within my means. He lives paycheck to paycheck, stresses about it, but doesn’t change the behavior. The time I remain in this relationship is limited for those reasons.

    • Llodwick

      You are to be commended for your insight.  At the very least, two people need to be on the same page with regard to finances. 

  • Ally

    I understand all sides to some degree.  I was seeing someone from Connecticut who was separated and he is used to “taker” type woman. He is staying with her so he must need the boost of being “taken” from for some reason.  I think equal partnership on as many levels as possible is best and how divorced people have been “taken to the cleaners” well, if there is less disparity in net worth then there is less of a chance of that.  Also, if there is less disparity then there is less room for “takers” to take.

  • Janey

    I very much understand the desire for an equal partnership, an aversion
    to someone feeling that they are entitled to a measure of your wealth
    because they have less, and the desire to find someone with equal drive
    and ambition. However, I feel that making wealth a “requirement,”
    limiting the pool to 1% – or even 5% – just decreases your chances of
    finding happiness. And I admit that I felt a small sting at the idea
    that everyone without wealth is a ‘taker,’ trading emotional support for
    financial support. I consider myself hardworking, ambitious, and
    perfectly capable of supporting myself financially – yet my chosen
    career path (currently in the non-profit sector) will certainly never
    make me wealthy. My partner easily makes four times my income, and in
    the beginning this really made me uncomfortable – in truth, I really
    wished that he made less or I made more. I didn’t know how to explain
    that I couldn’t drop 5% of my annual income on a getaway without seeming
    to ask for him to pay for me. But we’ve learned to talk about these
    things, we’ve found ways that we can both contribute to activities that
    we do together (financially, that is). And I’ve come to grips with the
    idea that when you are starting a home and a family, unequal finances
    don’t make for an unequal partnership – we would have missed out on a
    very happy life if we had let wealth disparity get in the way. 

  • Hardworking Middle Class

     Sounds like an insecure lame who needs to justify a life wasted in pursuit of “more.”

  • Natalie

    the guy is 56. that’s why. he and his 43 yo gf will not have children together. children who require resources and nurturing. that’s why his gf is ok with the whole spiel. marriage is mainly to have and raise children, so their marriage will be not that different from their 6 year dating life. AND, from my own experience, ALL men who are afraid of “gold-diggers” or  use the term “gold-digger” have NO money. I would be very curious to actually see this guy’s worth. because he may be just a poseur– a 56 year old dude who pretends to be rich 

  • Rachel

    I understand where this guy is coming from, but only to a point. Sure, it’s a drag to have to support someone… if they have the mindset of expecting to be supported. But you don’t need to be in the one percent to support yourself – it’s prejudiced to expect that only people making six figures can enjoy life! And to imply that he’d break up with his girlfriend of SIX YEARS if she didn’t “make it big” or “become a high earner”? This guy sounds like a jerk.

  • Suzanne Miller

    I have to agree with many others on this post. This guy’s comments are rather shallow and when he tries to have a more balanced attitude in the last paragraph, his words ring hollow to me – lip service at its finest. He wouldn’t marry his girlfriend if she wasn’t successful and lost her passion to be monetarily so? What a jerk. I wonder if she knows that. There is more to life than monetary success, and there is more than one definition of success. It doesn’t seem like he’d be getting much out of being married again anyway. Like someone else said, he and his girlfriend probably will not have any children due to their ages and because all he cares about is accumulating more wealth. Why bother with marriage? Bottom line: money is really important to this guy. I’m not saying money isn’t a factor in a successful relationship, but I don’t get why this guy seems to think all that matters in life is accumulating wealth, and doing whatever it takes to keep it. I’m rather glad this guy is sticking his foot in his mouth. Hopefully more women will see by his example how surface these types of men are and avoid them. I certainly will!

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/RQDBXB3BTFVAHDJEIDWN5SDPBI dxycup

    I think the cruel irony is that a women that makes more than him might have higher dreams than settling for what he has. I think he is a jerk for thinking that money is an end all in a relationship. Surely lots of people work very hard at what they do and don’t make it big or they attempt many business pursuits that fall short. Most of that is luck. It is who you know and the right timing. Who knows, this same guy may have utterly failed if circumstances were different.  

  • Guest

    Mr. Smith really explores a desire that most people in an invested relationship have – the need for an equal partnership. What defines that “equality” differs from couple to couple, and for him, it’s money, but  not in an “X amount of dollars or I’m out” kind of way, but in a way that recognizes and respects that hard work and career success do often result in financial gains, and that kind of drive is important to him. I value his opinion as a woman just shy of 30 who is in the 99% but truly strives to work hard to make things happen in my life, so that I can reduce stress and not worry about every penny – a stressor on anyone’s relationship. 

  • Guest

    Since when does working hard translate automatically to a high income?  Many of the jobs that bright, interesting, hard working women hold and that our society needs do not pay well.  For example, teaching.  Who does this man think is educating his children?  High-powered executives and entrepreneurs??  There’s a lot of jobs below the 1% bracket that  are held by talented,  smart, hard working nurses, teachers, managers, musicians, small business owners – you name it.  As a married, female lawyer in my 50s (also in the 1% bracket, which I attribute to hard work, yes, but also education, luck and all kinds of other factors), all I can say is I’m glad I’m not in the dating market if this guy is representative of what’s out there!  I’m glad I don’t know him or all the friends and colleagues he cites.  They sound pretty shallow.  I wouldn’t give them the time of day if I were single!

  • Mel

    I didn’t read through all the responses, so if this is repetitious I apologize in advance. I think a lot of the responses are unfairly judging this guy. He is talking about a specific aspect of his relationship, not all of it. He is not saying his entire relationship is based on money. It sounds like that, but if you reread it you can hear the point. Just needs a little more eloquence. I think the best “take away” message here is to be clear on what you want for yourself and what you look for in a partner, in all areas, including finances. The number one cause of fighting in relationships is related to money and finances. A lot of emotion is attached to it, and I think the seeming “unemotional” blog here is what is irking readers. The thing I like about the post is that it tells me we should all remove emotions from the financial equation when having these discussions, and have them with anyone who is going to be a significant part of our lives and possibly impact or be impacted by our finances. I also think the “gold digger” term is tossed around loosely and is thought of as someone out to get someone else’s money. While on the surface this may appear to be true, I believe those individuals are suffering at a deeper level and it is about a deep-rooted feeling of a lack of security and self esteem. How attractive is that in a partner? If one is confident in their ability to create a life for themselves and support themselves, then the amount they earn is irrelevant. The drive and gleam in his partner’s eye is an attractive quality in a person — it says to me, here is a woman who knows what she wants and how to get it. Here is a woman who is confident and secure in who she is who “wants to be with me,” not “has to be with me to fill some vacant need.” I am a woman, small business owner, just starting out in my venture with a small amount of capital I earned by taking secular employment and saving, and paying off all my consumer debt to be poised to start a business. I have no “friends and family” with a lick of resources either. I have also created other businesses that “failed” but to me what I learned from those so called “failures” has taught me so much. That is why I understand what this guy is saying about the value of having a partner that knows what goes into building something from the ground up. It would irritate the heck out of me, with how much I’m putting into the growth and development of my business, that when it succeeds, someone wants to come along and reap the benefits. We all know what happens when most people receive a windfall, but if you have to build it and earn it on your own, you value it more and are less wasteful. I think that is all he is saying. 

  • wendie

    wow, why don’t we just implement a caste system right now? 

    • Anonymous

       We have – it’s called Family Court, and men are responding to the incentives.

  • Guest

    I think that guy is more impressed with himself than anyone with any sense would be.  Yuck!

  • Social Worker

    My Sig other and I have VERY different incomes. Luckily he knows I work hard and doesn’t make a big deal out of paying for most of our fun things. We don’t live together yet and will cross that bridge in the future. My problem with folks who are high earners is that they imply I do not work as hard as they do, yet everyday people tell me “I could never do your job.” I’m an inner city social worker. I get paid next to nothing. I love my job and work my butt off. I am making choices and changes in my life, but that’s another story. My point is, just because I get paid near poverty wages, doesn’t mean I don’t work hard.

  • Sarah

    Personally I would rather be with someone who decides to dedicate their life to something they are passionate about than someone who makes life choices based on money. There are other ways to measure success besides in dollars. This is particularly true if I had enough money to make us both comfortable regardless.

  • http://twitter.com/rivlyb Rivly Breus

    There’s a saying, “if money’s all your looking for, then you’ll get just that.” No more no less.

  • http://twitter.com/Jenn_Pete Jennifer Petersen

    I’m open to the idea of a man wanting to marry a woman who makes equal or more money, but at least show some sound reasoning on the matter.  His main point is that he wants someone to understand the hard work, etc. he’s put into earning his dollars.  To echo many of the comments below, a woman doesn’t have to earn a certain amount of money to have a financial “appreciation and awareness.”  I am a Social Worker and because I earn a low salary I think I have a better sense of what goes into making a dollar than most people.  It also requires me to be smarter with the way I manage, budget and prioritize my expenses. 

    If this guy hung around people outside of his income bracket (which it doesn’t sound like he does), he may have learned by now that hard work, appreciation and awareness do not always equal high salary.  It sounds more like he wants someone who can financially keep up with his higher-end tastes, which would be a completely rational thing.  Just don’t try to turn this conversation into something that it’s not. 

    Mr. Smith, to be honest I think you’re just looking for someone who doesn’t want you for your money and you’ve somehow reached the conclusion that only women who make the same amount (or more) than you are capable of such a feat.  Try to expand your horizons a little more.  The 99% has a lot to teach you.

  • Jenna Spurlin

    I hope that this author finds that the meaning of life is not in how much we earn, how high we reach, but in the love that we offer others. Until then, he will be chasing the unreachable wind of success never fully satisfied.

  • Anonymous

    How about calling it “A Man’s Perspective” as if this were THE male perspective..

  • Pugselky

    There is no amount of money that would induce me to marry a man with that attitude. 

  • Willette27284

    “While money cannot by happiness it can reduce a lot of stress having the financial flexibility not to stress about every little thing is valuable to me.” I understand that perspective because I walked away from a man who wanted absolutely NOTHING from life, counted the cost of EVERYTHING, but knew the VALUE of nothing. Not only was he financially impoverished, but spiritually impoverished. He sought out the cheapest of everything he could find, never tipped servers when we would dine out and was always rude and I’ll mannered. What is most important here is not how much money you have but who you are as a being. We were meant to prosper and to live life a abundantly, this man I am speaking of failed to realize his potential as a human/spiritual being. People like that are limiting, and can be debilitating.

  • Anna Banana

    The author sounds too cold and calculative. I wouldn’t marry someone like this for all his precious money. Prefer someone who will appreciate me and be good to me, rather than someone who calculates my viability as a spouse based on earning potential.

  • JOLLY

    Hi, I am JOLLY MENX from Germany,I just want to say thanks to Dr IRABOR for taking time to help me cast the spell that brings back my ex lover{now husband},who suddenly lost interest in me after six month of engagement,but today we are married with kids and we are more happier than never before,Thanks to Dr IRABOR for his help,he deeply enjoy helping people achieve their desires, find true love,getting their ex lovers back,stop abusive relationships,find success,attract happiness,find soul mates and more,contact him today. and let him show you the wonders and amazement of his Love Spell System work,He deliver results at his best in real spell casting,email iraborspelltemple@gmail.com for relationship matters.