Money Mic: Why I Want to Marry Rich

Just kind of sad for you.

Not impressed.

I agree with Emilia in that I definitely “size up” my potential mates monetarily. I have indeed dumped a boyfriend because his chosen career was not going to make enough money to live the lifestyle that I wanted. Although I do not need my future husband to make as much money as Emilia says she needs hers to, I do want to marry someone who makes enough so that when we do have children I am able to stay home as long as I wish and then return to work without making a huge dent on our lifestyle or savings. I am of similar age (24), so maybe this point of view is something from our generation…

Ultimately, it comes down to what you value in life. Money in itself is a token of value, now the metrics are distorted and they are never exact, but it’s a rough estimate of the wealth you create day to day. That said, when you marry rich what value are you creating? I don’t mean to be rude at all, neither do I intend to be crass, but if you look at this the value you’re creating is being a brood mare for that man. What is such a marriage, but a socially acceptable variant of prostitution?

Now this is neither good nor bad. I do not have the right to pass any judgments whatsoever, but the question over here is how do you value yourself? When you’re on your deathbed what life do you want to have led? Are you here to “make a dent in the universe”? To make a difference? To fulfill yourself and to die empty after using up all of your passion, love, energy and creativity? Or, are you here for just the sake of being here?

I think that each one of us needs to answer this question for ourselves in the course of our life.

P.S. – You don’t have to climb the corporate ladder to be rich.

P.P.S. – When you answer that question sooner or later you’ll realize that you have enough.

My question to Emilia is, would you choose money OVER love? Of course, who doesn’t want a handsome man, who’s financially stable enough to take you on a year-long “sabbatical” around the world, who will also take out the trash and bring you flowers “just because”… but what is priority for you?

In this economy, it’s not wrong to want to be debt free and worry free, who doesn’t want that? But what might raise some eyebrows is at what cost are you willing to have this?

And, what if your plan doesn’t work out? What if you don’t find a wealthy man you can grow to love? What if you only find that poor studio-apartment dwelling guy who wants to love you?

Over all, I think this was an interesting article and definitely a good look into another point of view. I thought Emilia felt the need to defend her POV a bit too much throughout, and assumed a lot from the reader, but a good read.

Thanks for sharing!

Honey, don’t come crying around here when, after 20 years of marriage, he dumps you for the young bimbo with fresh perky tits, and you’re out on your ass with no skills but homemaking and mommying (and those are skills, but they don’t pay much in today’s job market). 

Protect yourself first and don’t rely on a man to do it.

Totally understand your POV Emilia. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and no justification is required.  Most of us carry our beliefs with us and I don’t think any woman wants to marry lower – you are in overwhelming company! Albeit, there are a few things to think about. 
A) You can be married to an incredibly rich individual who doesn’t share any of himself including his riches with you – happens all the time.  Or 
B) You can be married to someone who has less money than than individual in A. Yet this individual provides for you with utmost devotion.
Which situation makes you feel richer?  

Another thing to think of is, there are many people out there right now who used to be very rich….today are not in the same space.  Life is such.  You can marry someone with everything and things can change.  Health, wealth and who knows what else.  

Why you aren’t a feminist: If you were a feminist, you would make that money yourself.

Not to talk down to her, but she IS just 23. There’s only so much life experience you can have at that age. A lot of info is missing here about her, her past relationships with men, her upbringing (although some info is given there)… someone just doesn’t suddenly think this way. I think this might be a knee-jerk reaction to something that happened to her and she’s trying the other extreme. As we age, we start working our way towards the center. Moderation and early-20s don’t exact mesh. I remember myself back then, and I probably would’ve agreed with her… and now I’m the girl with the poor guy who’s bending over backwards to give me the life he feels I deserve. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

While many women may miss the point of this article, I applaud your honesty and urge you to consider the mantra of my mother, who said, “I didn’t marry rich, I married the potential.” She and my father made their wealth as a supportive team and have been obscenely happily married for 34 years and serve as the model for my new wedded bliss with a fabulous husband who is equal parts kind, warm-hearted, generous and well-off. The nay-sayers will see that this is not about actually “marrying rich,” but about finding a man who shares all of your values, including those of hard work and financial responsibility. Wishing you success in your journey for love and money.

You should never let money trump love, but using it as a deciding factor when choosing a partner is perfectly acceptable.  I mean, I wouldn’t consider dating someone who still works at McDonald’s.  Yes, it’s socially taboo to actually say it – but like the author says, it’s only one factor to consider in a relationship, just like kids or religion, or where he lives or how he looks, as much as we don’t admit it.

After reading this article out of pure curiosity, I realized there were some valid points. I did not want to agree with it, but as a forty-something working my-ass-off mother, wife, etc., I can relate. Please don’t get me wrong, I truly love my husband and family, but struggle every day to balance it all out. Maybe it would make a difference if I made more money, make it worth it a little more. I try and relay the message to my step-daughter and niece is to find your passion, something you truly enjoy, and find a way to go to school for it. Hopefully, it pays well and you can support yourself. It would just be nice to be able to stay home after having children if you choose to.  

My parents did not exactly grow up rolling in wealth and both of them came out of the situation knowing they wanted more for themselves as well.  The only difference is they went out to create the life they wanted through hardwork, good decision making, and saving . . .neither one of them set a goal to to marry into money nor did they their child to think that was even a reasonable approach to creating a healthy marriage.  Work hard and know that if the sh*t hits the fan tomorrow that you can take care of yourself- you’re a much better PARTNER in a marriage when you look at a marriage as a partnership rather than a way to get the finer things in life (and trust me, money does not buy happiness, it may make things easier for a time and more comfortable but when you prioritize money over everything else the things that really matter tend to fall apart)

I disagree that this is a value of our generation (I’m 25). I certainly think it’s important to find someone who is financially independent, but the threshold that the author gives is utterly ridiculous (300k a year plus 1 million in assets). There are a number of studies that find that, although a certain amount of money (around 60k a year) gives happiness in the form of stability, less stress, etc, money beyond that does little. Unlike you, I’m happy to work for that money myself.

I get you want a life of comfort (who doesn’t?), but you are narrowing your scope. A few points:

1) If you really want to marry for love and not money, you don’t choose who you fall in love with.
2) While money is nice, it often comes with strings. Did it ever cross your mind that men who go for women like you (ones just after their money), aren’t stupid? Men with shallow enough morals to marry a gold-digger have little respect for women, want a pretty but silent bimbo on their arm and aren’t always the most faithful.
3) You claim to be a feminist yet your goal is to rely entirely on a man (just as women have for centuries). You are going to be just as vulnerable marrying a rich man. Ever heard of a pre-nup or separate bank accounts? Men get them to protect themselves from women out for their money like you are doing.

I have to agree with the comment below about the values you are creating. Is this really the type of message you’d want to send your children- a daughter especially- that you don’t have to make it for yourself, just use someone else to get what you want?

Woman-to-woman, go find yourself a man who is going to love, respect and treat you the way you deserve. A man who is going to be a good father and a faithful, devoted husband. You can’t put a price tag on that. 

I’ve always wanted to be a gold digger too! My idol is my neighbor, god rest her soul. I bow down to her. In her last senior years, she got her *gentleman friend* to pay for a house-full of furniture, her utility bills, and a big rock (diamond ring, that is). I’m afraid the best I’ve achieved so far is a flat screen t.v. On the other hand, I can say I got this without having to put out, so that’s not as bad as it could be. I would probably be more motivated to improve my gold digging skills if I didn’t have a trust fund and a big rock already, without having to put out, but I’m working on it! Although, of course, petting my small dog and puttering about with tragic flower arrangements takes up a lot of time. But I totally agree! Why pull your own weight, when you can suck the life out of someone else, *beautifying* the home and delegating someone else to drive rug rats around in the Hummer (hybrid of course)(motherhood is such hard work!).

ROFL.  Awesome.

There are certainly aspects of this that I would agree with, though I think my scale for ‘rich’ centers more on ‘comfortable’ – 300K annually is a bit out of my ball park.  I’ve caught myself feeling very un-feminist once and a while for being very happy that my partner makes an excellent wage and can carry us, more or less, while I’m in grad school.  But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with appreciating that our family will be able to weather most storms without going into financial ruin, and still have a bit left over for occasional fun.  Thinking about my partner’s money as a tick in the pro column does make me feel a bit squirrely, but I accept that it is something he brings to the table, and something I appreciate about him.  I also love the pants off him, and look forward to the day when, after I graduate, my salary will start approaching his so that my inner feminist can stop her (unnecessary) squirming.

To be honest, as a man, I don’t necessarily have a problem with this line of thought but I would pose the question, “why would I want to marry you?” or put another way “marry down”? Wouldn’t I want to marry someone of “status” instead? 

On a separate note you should adjust your numbers upwards for income, to be in the top 1% of wage earners in the US you need to make 380k. When my wife and I married 10 years ago we were in the bottom 95% of wage earners in this country and we are now in the top 10% and continue to rise, seemingly, every year. I don’t think one should overlook the resentment level than can come from one partner who has achieved their gains while the other simply partakes in the joys of those gains as it can cause undue friction in the relationship.

I’m reminded of Marilyn’s quote from Gentleman Prefer Blonds to Mr. Edmond Sr. when he asked her if she was marrying his son for his money. She said “no, I’m marrying him for your money. Aren’t you funny! Don’t you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You might not marry a girl just because she’s pretty but my goodness, doesn’t it help? And if you had a daughter wouldn’t you rather she not marry a poor man? You’d want her to have the most wonderful things in the world and to be happy. Well, why is it wrong for me to want those things?”

I can tell you from experience, I didn’t marry for it but we had it and we lost it. Life was much better with it. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not.

 I think you’re not getting what she’s saying. She fully intends to find all those things in a man, she just expects him to bring home the bread as well.

I’m also a little personally offended, as a feminist, that you insinuate that all rich men are terrible people, or that rich men ONLY want to be with blonde bimbos. You think rich men don’t want a fufilling, loving marriage and a happy family? Your comment is based entirely on stereotypes (of both sexes) and betrays a complete lack of understanding of the point of view the author lays out.

I noticed a lot of the comments disagree with the article but I applaud your honesty. For anyone that thinks love requires more than the Disney-esque feeling of knowing that person is “the one” there is absolutely a practical element. Of course there are extremes and just because someone is rich/wealthy doesn’t equate to them being a quality person but looking for a spouse that has an established career and can support a family through unexpected emergencies is simply being realistic. It is something that causes a little discomfort and initial need to refute since it goes against the cliche phrases that “marry for love not money” “you can’t buy love” yada yada but in the era of over 50% divorce rate, maybe we need to take another look at the practicality of romance. 

Is this what LearnVest is advocating for financial advice and discussion? I think I’m going to cancel my subscription and focus on more sound financial learning sites. Disappointed.

I think the fact that she’s in New York with a degree in marketing indicates that until she finds such a man, she fully intends to work and make her own money… as though there were an alternative. She may become independently wealthy herself before she finds him. I don’t think she’s saying she won’t work, she just won’t if she doesn’t have to, ie, when she marries rich. Which, if we’re being honest, is pretty much everyone. Wouldn’t you love to volunteer for a cause you care about than slave away at a job you might hate? She wants options is all. 

At 23, I’m GUESSING that you don’t already make $300,000 and have over $1m in assets of your own… especially if your mom grew up in “near poverty.”  Though, perhaps she was able to make huge leaps in wealth for your family within one generation, who knows? 

Overall, I can’t help feeling that your essay reveals an unfamiliarity
with both poverty and wealth — a lack of understanding about what
amount of money and assets (and other important things) is sufficient to
make a comfortable and stable life for a family in the United States.  Undoubtedly, the answer to these questions are location-specific and somewhat subjective.  But I didn’t get the impression, from the essay at least, that you’ve got a good grounding in these issues just yet.

And I feel that it is essential to remind everyone that, while official definitions do vary, nearly all of us reading this site are likely in the top … oh, to be extra conservative, … 3% of the wealthiest / most stable / most comfortable people in the world.  That doesn’t mean that none of us struggle with serious and legitimate financial issues (with over $150,000 in student loan debt, I like to joke that I’m poorer than the people I help through my socially focused work)… but it’s essential that we all remember what’s happening outside of our little bubbles; what responsibilities we have to others; and that even when we’re going about our own business, our choices and actions are frequently harmful to others.  We laud the “self-made man,” but forget about the public and private infrastructure we’ve put in place for him to climb upon… and we never learn about what our infrastructure does to harm those who are outside of it.  /sidenote

At 23, you likely graduated right into the recession… Having arrived in NYC for a fresh start exactly when the recession hit, myself, I know how facing that kind of struggle (and how living in NY, amongst such over-the-top displays of wealth) can move money right to the top of your priority list.  But I also have lived in enough other places as an independent (and sometimes semi-independent) adult and had enough other experiences with money to know that both NYC and the last few years are outliers. 

For the record, my boyfriend (now fiance) had to support me during the recession while I hunted desperately for jobs.  So I will not say that I don’t take peace of mind in the knowledge that one of the benefits of marriage is the ability to support eachother when times get tough.  Family, whether it be your husband, your parents, your siblings, or your faithful friends, is an essential security net for all of us.  It is often those without a strong security net that get into the most serious pinches during tough times.  One of the key things to remember, though, is that you are part of your security net — responsible for doing your part to lift up those who have or will lift you up.  That doesn’t mean your contribution needs to be financial… but it seems as though, until you’ve gotten old enough to know who’s going to really be in your realm of “family,” that you won’t know what your contributions will need to be.  Adaptability is both essential in life and attractive to a partner.  My urge is to tell my friends who have chosen to be stay-at-home parents to stay on top of their skills and their connections, because you never know when you’ll find that the most important thing you can do for your kids and your family is to go back to work. 

To me, a frank discussion about prioritization of money and how money plays into relationships and marriage is not 3rd rail.  I don’t think it’s social suicide to be honest about these issues — it’s risky, though, to take such an unwaivering and un-nuanced stance backed by an argument that, though clearly researched to some degree, still reveals naivete.

I’m the last person who is going to say that young women (amongst which I think I am still included) should be afraid to speak their minds, worry about having a 100% solid argument, or wait to think and argue when they are older.  Rather, I applaud you for going out on a limb and making your statement.  But I also have to say something that I detest hearing myself… which is that you may change your mind when you’re older.  — Not completely, mind you.  But I think life gets more nuanced with age.  As it should. 

And if I’m wrong about that, then I know at least that there are plenty of men out there who have a similar vision of marriage to yours… so you’ll be in good(?) company.

At 23, I’m GUESSING that you don’t already make $300,000 and have over $1m in assets of your own… especially if your mom grew up in “near poverty.”  Though, perhaps she was able to make huge leaps in wealth for your family within one generation, who knows? 

Overall, I can’t help feeling that your essay reveals an unfamiliarity
with both poverty and wealth — a lack of understanding about what
amount of money and assets (and other important things) is sufficient to
make a comfortable and stable life for a family in the United States.  Undoubtedly, the answer to these questions are location-specific and somewhat subjective.  But I didn’t get the impression, from the essay at least, that you’ve got a good grounding in these issues just yet.

And I feel that it is essential to remind everyone that, while official definitions do vary, nearly all of us reading this site are likely in the top … oh, to be extra conservative, … 3% of the wealthiest / most stable / most comfortable people in the world.  That doesn’t mean that none of us struggle with serious and legitimate financial issues (with over $150,000 in student loan debt, I like to joke that I’m poorer than the people I help through my socially focused work)… but it’s essential that we all remember what’s happening outside of our little bubbles; what responsibilities we have to others; and that even when we’re going about our own business, our choices and actions are frequently harmful to others.  We laud the “self-made man,” but forget about the public and private infrastructure we’ve put in place for him to climb upon… and we never learn about what our infrastructure does to harm those who are outside of it.  /sidenote

At 23, you likely graduated right into the recession… Having arrived in NYC for a fresh start exactly when the recession hit, myself, I know how facing that kind of struggle (and how living in NY, amongst such over-the-top displays of wealth) can move money right to the top of your priority list.  But I also have lived in enough other places as an independent (and sometimes semi-independent) adult and had enough other experiences with money to know that both NYC and the last few years are outliers. 

For the record, my boyfriend (now fiance) had to support me during the recession while I hunted desperately for jobs.  So I will not say that I don’t take peace of mind in the knowledge that one of the benefits of marriage is the ability to support eachother when times get tough.  Family, whether it be your husband, your parents, your siblings, or your faithful friends, is an essential security net for all of us.  It is often those without a strong security net that get into the most serious pinches during tough times.  One of the key things to remember, though, is that you are part of your security net — responsible for doing your part to lift up those who have or will lift you up.  That doesn’t mean your contribution needs to be financial… but it seems as though, until you’ve gotten old enough to know who’s going to really be in your realm of “family,” that you won’t know what your contributions will need to be.  Adaptability is both essential in life and attractive to a partner.  My urge is to tell my friends who have chosen to be stay-at-home parents to stay on top of their skills and their connections, because you never know when you’ll find that the most important thing you can do for your kids and your family is to go back to work. 

To me, a frank discussion about prioritization of money and how money plays into relationships and marriage is not 3rd rail.  I don’t think it’s social suicide to be honest about these issues — it’s risky, though, to take such an unwaivering and un-nuanced stance backed by an argument that, though clearly researched to some degree, still reveals naivete.

I’m the last person who is going to say that young women (amongst which I think I am still included) should be afraid to speak their minds, worry about having a 100% solid argument, or wait to think and argue when they are older.  Rather, I applaud you for going out on a limb and making your statement.  But I also have to say something that I detest hearing myself… which is that you may change your mind when you’re older.  — Not completely, mind you.  But I think life gets more nuanced with age.  As it should. 

And if I’m wrong about that, then I know at least that there are plenty of men out there who have a similar vision of marriage to yours… so you’ll be in good(?) company.

There is absolutely a practical element to love, but requiring that your future husband has 1 million dollars in assets in ridiculous.

You don’t need a million dollars to have options. That’s great if she can support herself, but frankly her attitude is that anyone with less than her (incredibly high) money threshold is just not an option. She needs to grow up a bit.

What the naysayers fail to recognize is that the author did NOT say she was going to dump a poor guy in lieu of a rich guy.  She didn’t say she was out hunting for a man gold digger style to buy her a new Mercedes or the latest Louboutins.  What she said was she intends on marrying rich meaning, finding a man that has money or financial means.  There is no more shame in having concern for the financial health of a future mate as there is meeting compatibility for the number of children you wish to spawn. Equating her desire to marry rich as some sort of legal prostitution is ridiculous.  As a single woman considering a future mate to assure a successful and long term marriage you should be concerned with how much debt they have, what their future goals entail (including future financial goals), you should even go as far to making sure they have a good credit standing.  I am sure it would be far fetched to assume the naysayers would object to inquiring about a future mates STD status or sexual history, how is wanting to know what the closets hold financially any different. This is a realistic and pragmatic approach to coupledom and in no way a reflection of ones personal morals and values. 

While I have the same plan in mind, I feel like my way of going about it is different.  I have always known that I would marry someone rich, not because it’s a dating requirement of mine, but because all my life I have only been attracted to ambitious, talented people.  I am smart and ambitious and totally capable to making money and I expect the same qualities in a guy.  I don’t think it’s fair to plan to marry someone rich when you, yourself, are not willing to jump in and contribute.  I’m not saying, don’t stay home with your kids when the time is right, but I believe that both partners should be equally capable of making money.  If your “rich” husband was in an accident and suddenly couldn’t work any longer, would you divorce him?  Or step up to the plate and be able to take on the money-making responsibilities and let him stay home with the children? 
I know myself, and I know I would never fall for someone without a job.  But at the same time, I’m not going to immediately write off the hard-working assistant who I believe in and know has potential to run a movie studio some day.  I’ll be rich on my own, it might take a few years but I’ll eventually get there…and I’m sure the guy I fall in love with will be right there alongside me striving to make it big as well.  Because that’s what I go for, capable, smart people.
I resent the statement that working women can’t raise well-balanced children.  My own mother stayed home with us until I was 14, but one of my role models and the mother of my best friend is a high powered CEO who raised 2 incredibly smart, well-balanced children, that respect and admire their mother more than any kids I have ever seen.  She oversees a large company and still made it to all her kids’ volleyball games and school plays.  She hosted the drama wrap parties and spoke at career day at school.  My best friend, her son, told me that when he grew up, he wanted to be just like his mom.  I can’t think of a greater compliment than a son wanting to be like his mom (for the record, his dad is a great guy as well, which I think only makes the statement more meaningful). 
I agree that life is better with money.  But why do you have to marry someone rich to get that kind of life?   Why not give it to yourself?
In a great speech by Sheryl Sandberg (COO of Facebook), she told women to ‘not leave before they leave’.  One of the causes Sheryl attributes to the gender salary gap is women leaving before they leave.  By this, she means, women checking out at work as they start to think about marrying and having children.  Since they don’t plan on being in the work force long term, they stop seeking opportunities at work and achieve less early in their careers. Your essay made me sad, because this is exactly the kind of thinking that Sheryl warns women against.  Don’t plan to give up a career so early on!  I’m not telling you to not stay home with your kids, but at least keep your foot on the gas pedal at work until the occasion arises! 
Women are equally as capable of making money as men, just as men are equally capable of nurturing children as women.  Marriage is all about partnership—stepping in where and when you can.  Money making and child rearing are equally important, and I believe that both parties should be willing and able to take on either responsibility and set themselves up to deal with whatever situations life throws them.

Though i can’t say this aligns with my “point of view,” i respect the hell out of this woman for coming out and saying what many wont.  There are lots and lots of women living in NYC for a number of reasons- the abundance of wall street wealth being one of them.  Its just a matter of who admits to it.  Kudos, “Amelia,” for being honest and unarguably rational.

I fully agree! When I first started reading the essay, I was a little ashamed to find that I was agreeing with her. This is because we’ve been conditioned not to think that way. However, I am always open to new ways of thinking and I feel like she makes a really good point about protecting your family and future and things like that. I think that what you are saying goes hand in hand with what she said. Your comment should be a note at the bottom of the essay because it gives the naysayers a different perspective to see exactly where this girl is coming from. Well said! ^_^

Excellent question: “How do YOU value yourself?”  It seems as if she values herself at $300,000.00 per year and $1,000,000.00 in investable assests.  Well, we tend to get what we ask for and that seems to be all she feels she is worth at this stage in her life.  What she has not considered is that she can have and is worth so much MORE.  If she were a bit more mature she might come to recognize the power and security in being a woman of means, meaning that the assets belong soley to her, and are not subject to the laws of community property.  I get a tacit message in her very direct and forthright commentary that she really doesn’t want to work, to actively mother or to exert any effort in building an autonomous life.  Her perspective is clear, her priority at the end of her 23 year old day, is to marry money, not a spouse or companion, but MONEY. I don’t think she seeks affection, respect, or love, she wants the material comforts and security that money can buy.  Hopefully she will not suffer catastrophic health conditions or legal troubles, because those can tend to erode one’s financial security.  Hopefully , the investments to which she refers are sound, and not subject to the whims of the economy or the market.

It makes me nervous when someone says they want to marry rich. First, you have to make sure YOU can support yourself. Don’t count on a guy always having money, especially in times like these. You need to have a Plan B if things go south. I am a single mom and have been since my child was born. I did not plan it that way nor did I want it that way, but you move on. I am a successful single mom because I had a career in place when I was pregnant. I didn’t have to depend on a man although I would like to find a good man. I don’t like women who are gold diggers, it is such a stereotype.

It is important to define the concept of “slave”.  It is work without compensation.

Let’s not dismiss her out of hand.  Her commentary suggests that money may have been an issue in her family, passed on to her by her mother’s lack of access to it.  She may indeed suffer from a kind of generational obsession that stems from material and financial deprivation. She certainly is lacking in spiritual resources because she very frankly states that she does not seek to be a virtuous woman. 

Although I can understand how some people could read this article and interpret it as anti-feminist, I think it is actually a reflection of reality.  As a young, working, and educated woman it only makes sense that you would look for a mate who is also an educated profession and in all liklihood has a salary that reflects his education.  The author acknowledges that while money doesn’t buy happiness, it can be an indicator of many other favorable qualities. I know there are some cases where women act as bread winners, but the fact remains that in this day in age, most men have a lot of trouble accepting that.  It’s rational to expect to marry someone who has a similar social status as you, but is perhaps better compensated.  Despite the “girl power” philosophy we were all raised with, I think there remains a social expectation that a woman marries “up” to a certain extent.

Welp, I hope for your sake you are attractive. Because this is going to be a quid pro quo situation. 

I agree with Jan.  My Dad left when I was 10 and took all his money with him, despite my mother raising us four kids.  I don’t think it’s wrong to prioritize financial security, just make sure you have the security piece in place and don’t bank on someone else sticking around.

Just the other day my boss told me that I should just marry a rich guy to end all of my financial difficulties. I think that were I in a position to date someone who made $300,000+ I personally would feel inferior, knowing I pull in only 10% of what they make in a year. BUT if I were making $300,000+ I think I would definitely be looking for someone who was on the same financial level as me. I’ve dated guys who make even just a little bit more than I do, and it still became awkward when I couldn’t afford their lifestyle. 

What seems to have been lost anymore is that women are expected to “do it all”. I think she made a great point when she said that she didn’t want to be working AND taking care of the household. That seems to be where problems arise. I think that staying home and handling the kids/home should be respected as an equal contribution. I don’t necessarily know that it is though… 

 I think they mentioned in the intro that this isn’t a view they’re advocating. They are presenting the situation for the purposes of spurring debate about the topic.

That 50% divorce rate is exactly why the author shouldn’t be relying on her future husband’s six figure salary to support her lifestyle.  I’ve known more women than I’d like to admit who are stuck in loveless marriages because they can’t live comfortably without their husband’s salary and other financial benefits.  You want to talk about “the practicality of romance,” why not be able to support yourself to your own satisfaction and look for a partner who is capable of doing the same? 

Honesty is fine, but it doesn’t nescessarily translate to a worthy point of view.  If one can marry rich and securely and safely for the remainder of their healthy life, simply by declaring it as a financial plan, then well let me be the first to take out a full page ad in the Times. 
As for my honest opinion, this only reads as sheer laziness.  I wish you good luck, and a good prenup.

If your goal is total financial ease, support, security, and dependability, then looking for a guy with a million bucks is like marrying someone who’s kind of nice, even though your goal is to marry your soul mate. The author states that marrying rich is “about being able to protect [herself and her] family from whatever expenses the world may throw at us.” She doesn’t seem to be aware of what life throws at us that isn’t from the outside world. Marrying rich doesn’t protect us from the internal troubles that every marriage, every mom and dad, and every family faces. Love protects us from those.

The author intends to be rich, yet is living by the advice of a person who grew up in “near poverty.” That money can’t buy happiness is something rich people know to be true for themselves. It’s a lesson for the wealthy and a consolation for the poor. Yes, money can solve certain problems and pay bills, but if you aren’t fundamentally happy, and if you don’t have love, it’s true that money cannot buy it for you.

Regardless, I think the feminism discussion is a smoke screen. The problem with marrying for money isn’t that it’s “mercenary” or “anti-feminist,” it’s that it doesn’t work well in American culture. In a rigid society, you can marry for money because the marital roles are so clearly defined that they inform every decision, guide families through both internal (personal) and external crises, and keep marriages intact until death. Marriages also tend to be more tied up in honor and inter-family relationships. In a non-rigid society (like ours), love–and *not* just learned-affection–is the glue that holds families together. Marriage is hard work, even when you’re rich and/or in love. Bad times are inevitable in all marriages, regardless of wealth. In a “love match,” spouses have an expectation that no matter what happens, with love, the family will remain intact. Without either love or rigid norms to keep marriages together, they tend to fail.

People instinctively get this. I wonder if, at 23, the author has any clue about what her body is going to be like after she has carried 2 or 3 pregnancies. Does she understand how hard it will be to look as hot  and sexy as a 40-year-old mom of 3 as she did on her wedding night? With nannies and all-day “me time,” it’s possible, but the author wants to be the primary care-giver. She’ll need that husband to LOVE her–not just pay their bills. A guy who makes $300,000 a year before age 30, and spends all day breathing Wall Street’s testosterone, is going to have his pick of sizzling 23-year-olds even when he’s 50. Unless he deeply loves his wife, chances are he’ll be unfaithful. Or, let’s say he’s rich, but he’s 100-lbs overweight by age 50, isn’t big on his wife’s “romantic” needs, and they are not in love. Yuck! What woman would want intimacy like that? It’s the kind of situation that leads people to say, “I’d give anything to [fill in the blank with a solution], even the money.” Without a strict social code to keep the marriage together, the next step is divorce court…and hoping Daddy Warbucks hadn’t insisted on a pre-nup.

If the author is lucky, she’ll marry a rich guy. If she’s really, really luck, she’ll marry the guy she has fallen in love with…and she’ll have a wonderful life, even if he only makes $125,000!

She’s absolutely entitled to her belief system. I just don’t agree with it and her view of feminism is a far cry from how I see it. To each their own.

My friend’s comment: I wish she didn’t block out her eyes. I’m curious to see what a $1.3 million hooker looks like.

I think there’s nothing inherently un-feminist about wanting to marry into a homemaker/breadwinner dynamic.  Feminism, like you said, is about equal rights and freedom of choice.  If you truly want to be a homemaker, you should feel free to choose that path without turning in your F-card.

I also have no problem with someone using money as a criterion for selecting a mate.  Thanks to Queen Victoria, for about 150 years our culture has operated on the mistaken notion that “love” is the only valid reason for marrying someone.  Really, people around the world marry for all kinds of reasons, and their marriages and families thrive regardless–it’s the commitment spouses have to each other and the respect with which they treat each other that make the difference.

I do think that there are a couple of potential pitfalls for people with this kind of mindset.  First, I don’t think people can find true security and peace in something that can be taken away, as money can.  Second, I think human nature is such that focusing on money makes us prone to dehumanizing people.  It can be so easy to start looking at prospective mates as walking dollar signs–and that gets in the way of sharing the kind of commitment and respect that keep marriages thriving.

I like to think we are all placed on earth with the opportunity to make the world better. How is she looking out for anyone but herself?

Money can’t make a bad relationship good, but it certainly can make a good one a little better.  Let’s face it–the lack of money can put stress on a relationship. I’d say most of the arguments between my spouse and I involve our finances.  

That being said, coming from a lower middle class background, I would have felt ill at ease around someone with a lot more money than I have.  A better indicator might be finding someone capable of making a living comparable to your own.  I’d feel vulnerable if I couldn’t support myself.

For me – how someone relates to and handles their money often is a reflection, I’ve found, of how they relate to their own value. It can also be a reflection of a world view that life provides or life is a struggle or…. I’m not about creating more struggle in my life…After all these years the financial area of one’s life is becoming part of the considerations in choosing someone as a partner/mate. Along with other things mentioned in the article. And other important things for me – someone who loves to grow and learn and who loves practicing a spiritual and wholistic connection to this world.   If anyone knows of places to meet spiritual, positive, healthy, fun and abundant men – let me know!   How abundant and loving can we all be for ourselves, each other and the world?! What else is possible? My best to all of you.

lol Dear Dr hate:  are you a troll?  That is not the definition of feminism. I just want to make it clear to you and the 13 people who liked your comment that feminism is based on freedom of choice and respect.  YOU, then, are clearly not a feminist. 

I think you are reading more into the author’s view point than is there.  She never states that she herself isn’t concerned with her own career or that she won’t be living life as a “career woman.”  Instead she highlights her priorities, which place family and security first.  That is a fair thing to say! Good for her for knowing what she wants!

Shame on you for implying that she is a prostitute just because she openly admits that she wants financial security in a partner! How you missed the point on such an honest and well written article is beyond me, but you clearly came into this argument with your own presumptions.

what is with everyone associating feminism with career? Feminism is about choice!  Stop feeling guilty okay? And using the word feminism like that. 

Emilia, I really enjoyed your article.  It gave us as readers an extremely honest and therefore refreshing point of view.  I think the discussions in the comments, for the most part, reflect that kind of honesty as well, and I hope you write more articles of this caliber!  Also, don’t be discouraged by what people write, everyone comes into arguments with their own presumptions.  I think I can speak for the majority of us when we say that we are grateful for your article as a medium for these kinds of discussions. 

Keep in mind that just because a guy is rich, doesn’t mean he can handle the money. A lot of “rich” people are loaded with debt. While I admire your honesty, why not start worrying about your own investments? Like other commenters said, if you want to marry up, then you need to bring something to the table as well. Meaning you had better have a hot body and nice tits. Rich guys like arm candy.

I really appreciate and commend learnvest for providing a different point of view in regards to financial management.  I think there are a few inherent assumptions being made by what is not being said in this article.  As mentioned from a previous commenter she did not say she would dump the poor guy for a rich guy, nor did she say money management is not a priority but rather insisted that money matters and put a dollar figure to it.

I think I’ve come to realize that money does matter and I respect that she can put a dollar figure to it. I personally value independence and the ability to provide for myself, my future and my family, but there at this stage in my life my future husbands financial abilities/portfolio matters.  Although I may not marry someone who is rich, financial security to me matters, and I think the only difference here is how we define it.  Please lay off on the assumptions being made by what is not said (she’s a hooker, she’ll be dependent, etc) and critique what is being said despite your disposition with it. 

snaht : Here are the telling passages (emphasis mine) ;

>>> Money is a divisive factor—on a global scale the pursuit of it causes
wars and crime, and on a personal level it leads to immense stress. My
mother grew up in near poverty, so she replies to “money can’t buy
happiness” with, “No? Try going without it.”

I never intend to do so—I plan to marry rich.* <<>> In light of your (presumed) insistence that I can work and have a family–that I can have it all–I might point out that phrase is outdated by at least 20 years. With the encroaching of work into American home life and the always-present second shift,
life doesn’t get easier for women as time marches on; it just gets
difficult in new and frustrating ways. I plan to eliminate the shift
that means the least to me (work) in favor of doing my absolute best in
the other two (my family and home). Instead of squeaking by in all
three, I will delegate. <<<

At one end she admits to the desire of having lots and lots of money. Why? Well, because of some amorphous health reasons, and care. I think that the real truth is that she desires life of luxury, but she doesn't want to work her buns off to get one. All of these things come at a cost. If she calculates and marries her partner for money. What do you think her partner is marrying her for? What is she giving him that makes her worth the upkeep?

She advocates rational quid pro quo, and my question is. Yes, let’s live by quid pro quo indeed. What is this man buying?

Oh and there is a way to get a family and security. It’s by applying yourself, and working hard. You call that a career. I call that a fact of life. There ain’t no such thing as free lunch.

While I appreciate the author’s honesty, her naive view of what relationships are like with wealthy partners does her audience no favors.  I “married up” and initially had no problem doing so because I shared the same point of view: if it’s statistically proven that money correlates with better health and happiness, why would I pass up the chance?  The problem is, the dynamic of relationships completely change when one partner contributes substantially more money than the other.  While some women may be content with playing a supporting role for a wealthy partner, they put themselves in an incredibly vulnerable position by doing so.  The psychological impact of this arrangement is incredibly dangerous and has serious long-term consequences.  Any woman, regardless of education level or past career experience, is likely to feel helpless and trapped in these scenarios, particularly during times of conflict and stress.  While men are generally comfortable shouldering more financial responsibility in a relationship, remember that contribution implies ownership, whether your assets are “shared” or not.  Do you really want to be in a relationship where your partner believes he owns everything you have?  Trust me when I say the stress is not worth it.  Money cannot buy self worth and the only true beneficiaries will be your divorce attorneys.

Like the author, I lived in NYC for 10 years also working in marketing and advertising and was intoxicated by the lure of money and powerful, rich men. I met so many of those rich “Wall Streeters” and guess what – the majority of them are not worth marrying. They treat women like the other expensive objects that they purchase, and when done with them, they toss them away. I learned what I will and will not tolerate from any man, no matter his bank account. I do not think that all rich men are greedy. But I do think there is a strong truth to the fact that many rich New York men have large egos and a short attention span.

 I would love for my finance to be a millionaire (he’s not). But what  I love the most about him is his strength, his support.. and honestly the chemistry that binds us together. Our relationship is based on mutual respect, kindness and love. All of these are so much more important than his bank account. We have recently had stressful discussions about our finances, but we are working together to solve our issues, and when the conversation is over, nothing feels better than cuddling up to him and knowing we have a strong bond not based on something material. 
 I have friends who followed the author’s philosophy and married rich despite their true feelings for their partners and they are now either divorced or miserable in their loveless relationships that they are so desperately trying to make work. What makes a strong relationship is a natural chemistry and bond between two people. No matter how much money you have, marriage is not easy. The author points that she wants to be able to give her children the best of everything – I think top of her priority list needs to be the ability to provide a loving, strong family to children as an example of what life is about. Teaching children how to have loving, supportive relationships is more important than dressing them in designer clothes and shipping them off to prep school. I think the saddest thing about the article is that the author is a mere 23 years old and has no idea what she is talking about, but merely writing a grown up article from a little girl’s point of view. Little Princess, take your blinders off. And honestly, best of luck to you. I hope find it all. And by all, I mean love and happiness.

I think you missed the point; the article was meant to create conversation, which as evidenced by all the posts, it clearly has. LearnVest should continue to focus on “hot button” and polarizing topics so women can openly discuss and determine their own financial views.

i don’t understand why people are being so harsh on this woman. she is smart – and i commend her for her blunt honesty. there was nothing about that article that came across to me that she saw men as big dollar signs – she is just doing her best to plan for the rest of her life, considering she wants to retire at a reasonable age and raise kids and live in comfort, which is well deserved to individuals who work hard at life. 

finances are undoubtedly the most influential aspect of our daily lives – and when you put two lives together, the burden also doubles — suddenly you want to buy a house, put money away for your kids for college, and do the things you’ve always wanted to once you could make enough money — so yes, any girl who doesn’t care what her partner’s credit score is dumb – and the same goes for men towards women.

i am so glad that there are women out there who can push away the cloud of crap surrounding feminism and see that prioritizing your family over money so that you can live happily is ok.

I don’t think the amount of money in your bank account and invesments ultimately matters since it all can be taken away at any given time. You can never be truly secure and ready for anything. Look at the economy and the stock market… do you really think that financial stress and problems really end  just because you have more money? I really don’t think so. The higher you’re up, the harder the fall.

Even though this article is honest, I can’t say it’s commendable. I find it quite disturbing actually. I could place a million things of more importance before money. Faith would be the first.

It’s refreshing to know that not all women consider marrying for money to be “gold digging.” Whenever I have shared my thoughts on the matter, friends and family have always either laughed at me or accused me of being after a man purely for his money. I can provide for myself perfectly fine – I have a highly sought after professional degree and make $65,000 a year. I don’t NEED a wealthy husband, I WANT a wealthy husband. I want to be able to travel, have the home of my dreams, and provide my nieces and nephews with a top notch international education. I can’t do that on my own and I can’t do that with a poor husband. I really commend the author for having her priorities in order and making decisions based on what she wants out of life, rather than living by what others think she should want.

Depending on another person for your financial well being can backfire.  He may control all the $$ and lose it or spend it on someone else behind your back.  You can also be turned in for a “newer model” without the means to support yourself.  What if you are infertile as a couple?  What family will you devote yourself too?   Judges don’t allow eternal alimony.  Its not 1962 anymore!  A shorter time in the work force can leave you a very poor old lady with small SSI and no 401K. 

I hope you marry a rich man and have several beautiful children, only to get divorced after he loses interest and takes a woman half your age into the bed you share. You are a pathetic piece of crap. I hope he treats you just like the money grubbing whore that you are. Then cry to everyone about how you can’t make it. You are part of what is wrong in this world. I hope you die dirt poor!

I married you. 10 years ago. I was 31 making $600k a year. I worked, you stayed home. World travel, luxury cars, expensive clothes and dinners. We had two beautiful children. Then the collapse of the markets. The dinners went, the cars, the clothes, the spa treatments, eventually the homes, then YOU and the kids. We are are all miserable. We have been in and out of court for over 4 years. You are living with relatives, taking daily depression medications to function. Our children are shells living in therapy. You have bags under your eyes and have aged, but you are on your third boyfriend, trying to relive the dream. Tragic… for all of us.

Wish I had read this 10 years and one day ago.

Babygirl the first thing you need to realize is that you NEVER ever want to depend on someone else to take care of you financially. Because getting married isn’t staying married…and by not being able to support yourself you are letting someone else have an awful lot of control over your life, and your decisions.

I learned this the hard way. And after leaving an relationship that turned abusive I promised myself I will never allow myself to be in that situation again.

I think it’s more disagreements about money, not the lack of money, that puts stress on a relationship.  There are lots of very poor couples with harmonious, strong marriages, and plenty of rich divorcees.  I think money only becomes a non-problem, however much of it there is (or is not), when husbands and wives see eye-to-eye about their major financial goals and are willing to make sacrifices for each other and for the good of their families.

Um, actually no. Feminism isn’t about choice. It’s about the right, as a woman, to own yourself, wages you earn, property, bank accounts, etc. It is about the right to work and earn wages. It is about the right to have custody of your children (which is tied to being able to provide for them, which is tied to being able to work and own your wages). Women have not always had the freedom to do such things. Women and orphans would get kicked out of their homes and starve when fathers died.

And as per LearnVest’s earlier article, it should not be assumed this freedom will exist even in the near future.

I like the honesty of the article but agree that it’s a little simplistic.  The quote from her mother is effective – there’s no denying that money is one of life’s top stressors so I think there’s no shame in admitting that you want a spouse who has it…  On the other hand many of these comments are true too – you still have to be very careful with money if you’re going to manage a strong marriage and staying home with the kids

I agree with this 100%, utterly and completely!

I agree with this 100%, utterly and completely!

Well said.

I think no one can afford to marry someone who is poor..

  Someone who is of a marriageable age and poor is not likely to become financially stable five years hence and you could easily have a child by that time, or a couple kids.  In addition you do need to look at why an adult male is poor.  That is the real question.  Not educated, not able to keep a job, some bad financial history, bad parents financial history behind him, drug problems, drink problems — what is it? 

You need to know that.  And you need to know that your love is not going to turn that situation around.  So I avoid poor men like the plague.  Life in America is much harder than in European countries because there is no social network of support under you.

  What you have here is the right to make as much money as you can and keep what you have after paying your taxes, and that is it.  You will work in America for 40 years and more, so you need to have a man in your life who is valuable in the work force, and who enjoys his work, and who has the ability to make deadlines.  These things are incredibly important.  These are the things you breed into your childrens bloodlines. 

You need to have someone who can actually MAKE A LIFE with you and it does take money to do that.   So please avoid the sob story guy, the guy you can influence the most, (you can’t)  the guy with the bad family situation ( these family members of his will be knocking on your door), the guy with a child from another relationship, the weak but handsome,  and get yourself a solid petroleum engineer, an engineer of any type, an accountant with his own business, someone who knows how to live his life.  Avoid the arts guys.  No money.  None. Nor will ever.   Have some standards for yourself.  And, of course, run his credit.  You have to do that.  

You are so judgemental, it’s beyond offensive.

And you cannot “breed” these things into your children’s bloodlines.

You started to describe which personality traits to avoid, and then went on talking about seeking males in specific professions without any indication of personality. Just because you’re an accountant with your own business or an engineer, doesn’t mean you have great personality traits nor does it mean you “know how to live your life,” which is highly subjective.

FYI, there are many successful “arts guys.”

Although I can’t say that I agree with the author, I do disagree with many of the commenters.  I definitely did not marry up, but my husband and I have a strong belief in having no debt, keeping a budget and one day being entrepreneurs with the freedom of having no boss looking over our heads.  We work on things together and we make money decisions together.  Many of the commenters suggest that the author would be completely dependent and trapped with a “rich man”.  This does not have to be the case.  As long as the author marries for love and mutual respect, the two can walk through life together even if she does not bring in a dime.  It is perfectly respectable to want to be a stay at home mother — I will be one one day.  Contrary to what many feminists may say, there are good men out there who will not control your money, divorce you and leave you with no assets and lord it over you that they make all the money.  My husband is one of those and perhaps the author will find a man like that even if he isn’t a millionaire who makes over $300k a year.

Your comments are well taken, however the author never mentions love among her choice of a mate, she only focuses on wealth, security, and liberation from the corporate grind.  One would hope love would be a part of the equation, but for her it doesn’t seem necessary as long as the wealth is there.  Humans are quite adaptable and can adjust to any condition(s) and she seems to be ready to accept whatever comes her way as the price to pay for the access to the wealth she would acquire.

I am a feminine feminist.  I work, and will continue working until I can’t.   I am a 41 year old single mom.   I agree with some points.  I have a significant other( he works) that I will never marry because he can’t support me.  I have Multiple Sclerosis and between my medication and my doctors no one but a millionare could support me.  I just want to remind the author that marriage is no longer forever.  The divorce rate has only dropped because of the recession/depression.  Depending on a successful marriage or anyone other then yourself will have you eating cat food at eighty years old.  This recession/depression has to have opened your eyes that things change rapidly.  Yesterday, you were living in a 5-6 bedroom house worth 1 million dollars.  Today, you are happy to live in a two bedroom apartment.

I just got out of a relationship with a wealthy man. The financial security that I felt with him was wonderful. Now that I am on my own, however, I realize that I don’t ever want to be in a position where I cannot stand on my own two feet alone. Dependency is a crutch and entering a romantic relationship for financial reasons will only lead to unhappiness in every aspect of your life, no matter how secure you feel. Stand on your own two feet, be with men who you are genuinely attracted to and who make you laugh, and the money will work itself out.

I just got out of a relationship with a wealthy man. The financial security that I felt with him was wonderful. Now that I am on my own, however, I realize that I don’t ever want to be in a position where I cannot stand on my own two feet alone. Dependency is a crutch and entering a romantic relationship for financial reasons will only lead to unhappiness in every aspect of your life, no matter how secure you feel. Stand on your own two feet, be with men who you are genuinely attracted to and who make you laugh, and the money will work itself out.

I’m sad to hear that was your personal experience.

I do want to say your comment was beautifully stated.
“The money will work itself out.” ~ very true ~

A nice dream, but I’ve learned the hard way that there’s no one I can rely on but myself.  I’ll work to get comfortable, and hopefully rich–I definitely want that, but I can’t count on any dude to do that for me.  Hopefully I’ll find someone who supports me physically, fiscally, emotionally, etc., but until then, I’m that “someone”.

I feel like this “marrying someone rich” is going to get in the way of marrying someone you love. Isnt that what marriage means overall. Wow.

Wow… Don’t you think you are being a bit harsh. While I am sorry you seem to have had many negative experiences with men in New York in your “childhood” It seems just a bit presumptuous a assume the author has had similar encounters or would be willing to tolerate being treated as an object, instead of as a fully formed person.

Maybe this lapse was caused by your selective reading. She very clearly writes: “For me, a college-educated, generally rational woman, marrying for money
isn’t at the expense of all else—it’s just a priority. Having that
priority, my potential husbands are self-selecting. They, like me, are
people who both have and value money.” She doesn’t mention love, because that isn’t the topic of the article, but this statement very clearly says she is not willing to compromise anything else she deems important. She very bluntly states that she values money, but you are assuming this is her only value and that she is somehow incapable of holding multiple at once.

But you are right, she is only 23. Only being 23 means she was raised in a very different time where, as you seem apt to forget, the rules of the game have shifted. As another “little princess” living in a large city, I can understand some of where the author is coming from. We did not leave the safety of our college campuses and enter a world that was financially stable. Instead, we got massive unemployment, and underemployment. Believe me, that reality makes you absolutely crave financial stability. And we should be seeking it. If that wasn’t enough, we were born in a country that, honestly, hasn’t been at peace long enough for our young collective memories to hold onto. That  I believe, makes us crave stable ties like family even more.

Our reality is different because the world we grew up in is vastly different than the world of our parents. That informs our decisions and our perspectives; it also manifests itself in a myriad of ways. So maybe she is young, but demeaning her opinion and lifestyle choices based on her age doesn’t seem to be the most mature choice either.

A.Men.  I think you explained this stance perfectly by giving family and home top priority, and that the goal of having money to be able to do so is a very healthy, reasonable goal. 

Actually, she said the opposite.  It’s not above all else, but it is one of the qualities that she requires.  Narrows the dating pool, but doesn’t mean it’s at the expense of all else.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with not wanting to be impoverished or pass poverty on to your children. And I appreciate you taking an unpopular stance on a controversial topic. I want to believe that there are men (and women) out there who you can count on and trust no matter what, but I just can’t. In my family, the women have to do everything because the men have all jumped ship. Every woman in my family is a single parent. This behavior has doomed every generation of my family to poverty. As you pointed out it is very difficult to build a career, raise children and manage a home when you are married… so its almost impossible tp do when you are single-parenting. I know that well. I have no plans to rely on a man or have a child until I can get a career well under way. Having work experience and a marketable skill will be my only protection against poverty if my husband ditches me and the kiddies. I am sick of being poor and worrying about money. With my view of the world and my experience of men, the only way I see out is to personally dig myself out with hard work. That said, I hope you find what you are looking for and that it ends well for you. Good Luck.

Dear Offended 23 year old,

You are assuming that I had selected reading (and understanding of the author’s POV). However it is you that should go back and read the article. She does indeed mention love and values:

 ” I recognize that some women choose to give their heart and soul to their careers, and that others embrace their True Love, even if he—or she—lives in a studio and substitute teaches to support a career in Impressionist sculpture. Somehow it has come about that either of those life paths are considered more virtuous than marrying for money. But that’s okay. I never wanted to be virtuous—just rich.”

Yes, I am judging her rather disgusting statement. Isn’t that what a discussion is for? 

FYi, I am not old enough to be your parent, maybe a big sis. I am not that much younger than you. And also FYI I am extremely successful on my own. And I came from a single parent house where money was an issue. And I learned from my mom and from my experiences that I will never rely on a man for my own happiness. And, I would much rather be a virtuous woman than a gold digger.  And I know that comfort and happiness can’t be bought. 

Looking back to what I know now vs. when I was 23 is very different. You grow and mature over time and you become wiser. I do think it’s a very immature point of view, as well as many other (wiser) readers based on all of these comments.  Maybe one day you’ll understand. And the fact she remains anonymous seems very silly and gutless to me.

Thank you for sharing.

Dear Offended 23 year old,

You are assuming that I had selected reading (and understanding of the author’s POV). However it is you that should go back and read the article. She does indeed mention love and values:

 ” I recognize that some women choose to give their heart and soul to their careers, and that others embrace their True Love, even if he—or she—lives in a studio and substitute teaches to support a career in Impressionist sculpture. Somehow it has come about that either of those life paths are considered more virtuous than marrying for money. But that’s okay. I never wanted to be virtuous—just rich.”

Yes, I am judging her rather disgusting statement. Isn’t that what a discussion is for? 

FYi, I am not old enough to be your parent, maybe a big sis. I am not that much younger than you. And also FYI I am extremely successful on my own. And I came from a single parent house where money was an issue. And I learned from my mom and from my experiences that I will never rely on a man for my own happiness. And, I would much rather be a virtuous woman than a gold digger.  And I know that comfort and happiness can’t be bought. 

Looking back to what I know now vs. when I was 23 is very different. You grow and mature over time and you become wiser. I do think it’s a very immature point of view, as well as many other (wiser) readers based on all of these comments.  Maybe one day you’ll understand. And the fact she remains anonymous seems very silly and gutless to me.

Thank you for sharing.

At least you married and it wasn’t just for money. So the fact that you lost it didn’t necessarily end your marriage like it might if that was the only tie that bound. 

Certainly just the loss of that money would understandably cause stress on a relationship, but had you not had a strong bond, presumably love and companionship etc., I imagine you might have bailed then?Your comment also illustrates the fact that having money will not guarantee that you will continue to have it. Those $1M in assets can be decimated by the ringing of a bell on Wall Street on a bad day. No investments are iron-clad, no cash reserves are immune to inflation or loss of worth. 

no. This day and age feminism is so about choice.  Feminism is a movement that is based on making sure women are respected and treated equally; that they are unhindered by societal expectations.  Note how your definition of feminism assumes that all women must pursue monetary means of their own.  If a woman chooses not to, they are somehow disappointing the feminist movement, i.e., unfeminist.  This is simply not true.

It is unfair for you to make up your own definition of feminism like this and it is a trap that I often see people fall into.  Historically, feminists have been associated with the fight for women’s rights including but NOT limited to work place equality, property ownership, etc.

Telling a woman her choice is “unfeminist” for making a decision to be a stay a homemaker is in fact the true unfeminist statement. 

Although I admire the conviction in which you say these things, I don’t think the circumstances of life are as black and white (aka HARSH) as your comments. Agree to disagree.

There is a difference in team-work of a marriage where you both contribute to the wealth, which in your case you would be doing so. However, she seems to be saying she does not want to work, this could be financial suicide if divorce occurs. I agree with previous comments…you should not fully depend on anyone but yourself. If you have solid financial ground to stand on and you want the same in a partner that is reasonable and understandable but I would never go into a relationship with the expectations of being taken care of.  There are no guarantees in life and Mr. “MY” about three comments up is telling a story that many have lived. 

AMEN!

I agree with you, I dated a man who comes from the top tier of society and I come from a lower middle class background with immigrant parents.  I definitely felt ill at ease and I was nervous around him when I realized how much more he had then I did.  It wasn’t just money, he was well travelled, had so many experiences I didn’t have and so many advantages.  It was extremely intimidating for me and I felt like I doomed the relationship for failure when I started obsessing about how much “better” he is than me.  And in the end it did fail. 

Now I feel more free, but at the same time, I wish I had not put so much stress on money and the differences between the haves and have nots.  I think it is better to find a responsible person that has a good head on their shoulders but is also loving and kind.  As long as the man is a good partner, I would marry a car mechanic with a strong work ethic or a top payed banker.

I fully understand and respect where she’s coming from here. I think that women’s lib definitely gave us the ability and power to choose whether we wanted to work or not, and all the power in the world to her for deciding what position she wants before entering a relationship. Kudos, kudos, kudos.
 
However, I do think it’s quite important that she continue learning job skills and nurturing her network, for the unlikely but not implausible situations where she may face divorce, a serious medical emergency, a child with special needs, her husband’s job loss or even the untimely death of her husband.

She doesn’t want a husband,she wants an ATM with legs.

FINALLY someone is able to call a spade a spade.  As a man, I am interested in only “healthy” women (no pudgy girls need apply) that will give me what I need in the bedroom.  I am not saying that those are the only priorities in my search.  Like the Author I too want someone with good moral values that can raise my children appropriately and cook me a decent dinner from time to time.  Its just that I bring money and security to the table, the least she can do is take a little pride in her appearance and fulfilling my need for occasional fellatio.  I say the time for pretending that marrying for “Love” is over.

I am a man with a masters degree making $65,000 a year.  I won’t marry a woman who earns less than me.  When asked why I have not married, I respond that I have not met the right dowery.  I’m perfectly content to date exclusively, If I were to marry however it would have to improve my financial position.  

Did you lose your job? If so, did you have nothing put away to live on in the event of lost employment? Or were you spending everything on the luxury lifestyle (you did mention “homes”)? You were making $600k a year!! With that kind of money I could certainly have investments, a cash emergency account, cars that were paid for and one paid up home to live in. Looking at the stock market numbers, most investors who didn’t panic and sell have made back a large amount of their losses since 2008. You were young, you had time to wait for your investments to regain their value. Sounds like your wife wasn’t the only one with issues…

The author said ““marrying rich” isn’t about draping myself in diamonds and paying for superfluous cosmetic surgeries. It’s about being able to protect myself and my family from whatever expenses the world may throw at us: medical issues, legal problems, retirement.”

It sounds like your attitude was spend it as fast as you make it, not protecting yourself with your money.

As Schwanker17 said, this is rediculously judgemental.  I’m a highly educated woman who makes a very nice salary.  My husband is a writer, so as I like to say: “He’s beautiful but broke.”  He holds down a job in a comic book store (which he loves) and is their best employee (the owner told us so just last week when my hubby got an unsolicited raise.)  It gives him time to write and inspires his creativity.  No, he couldn’t support me now or anywhere in the near term, but I don’t need him to.  I make more than enough for us to live comfortably in a pricey city.  And he is wonderful in so many other ways.  He does the laundrey.  He washes the dishes.  He makes the vet runs with our cat.  He supports me and laughs at my jokes.  He keeps me intellectually stimulated.  He respects what I have to say (a fundamental ingredient to keeping him satisfied at home for the long run.) 

If our situations were reversed, he the money-maker and I the poor creative artist, no one would bat an eyelash.  It would be normal.  It would be what the author of this post is seeking out for herself (though at 28, I’ll admit I don’t have anywhere close to $1 million in assets.) 

People need to understand that money doesn’t make a relationship.  It merely helps alleviate external stressors.  And, to address your ignorant comment Carol, lack of money doesn’t make one have issues (drugs, alcohol, no work ethic.)  A man can be committed to a low-paying cause or dream and still be a man.  I’d rather a poor husband than a husband with the soul crushed out of him by a job he hates.

Marriage is about partnership.  It is about finding the one person you can be in a room with for 24 hours strait and NOT want to kill.  It is about finding a best friend who’s touch you enjoy.  Money nor anything else can’t substitute any of that.  And if you try to, someone will stray looking for the missing ingredient.  That’s just human nature.

The rich and successful wall-streeters get that way by being ruthless, cold blooded and single minded SOBs. Kinda hard to expect them to flip a switch turn into a kind, gentle, loving and caring husband at 5pm :]

This is by far the shallowest piece of bu**sh** i have ever heard.

My oh my…assume you’re no longer “rich.”  So who’s paying for all the lawyers, therapy and medications?  Are your children now 10 and 8 and seeing their own therapists? 

One way to get back on your feet finanically may be to fire the lawyers and to stop sending your kids to therapy.  I would recommend giving them some love and attention personally instead.

A strong marriage and strong family should be able to weather life’s storms of change and provide the shelter and security that were missing.  However, that starts with well-placed values and mutual respect and love. 

I’m glad you’ve listed out the stats that you are looking for in a prospective mate. I just hope that as a feminist – you wont object to your prospective mate looking for certain stats as well – 36-24-36, blonde and drop dead beautiful :]

And moreover – even if you do meet those criteria right now, you will have roughly 5 years to find your prospective mate. Because once you are pushing 30, your prospective mates will be looking a younger, hotter version of you :]

I’d have some respect for you if your premise was that you want the best for your family and yourself, which is why you choose to pursue a career that would give you that option, AND that you would seek a spouse with common ambition and financial goals. But given that your attitude is that you’re looking for a man to do it all, you’re a parasite. I am one of the people you’re trying to catch, and let me tell you something: we want women who are accomplished in their own right. I see it everywhere; it’s the new form of trophy wife. 

You people are so funny! If you want to travel and provide for your nieces and nephews, then go figure out how to build a career that can give you that! You have a better chance of winning the lottery than winning this husband of yours.  Grow up.

Secretly, I want the same thing.  Unfortunately, I don’t see it for myself.  I am turning 50 in November, single, and if the guys I meet have a car, we are doing good.  Most have screwed up their credit….(sigh)….  It is really sad the guys I seem to attract.  I have taken the low road, and you just end up helping them get to where you are.  No, I am not looking for the pretty boy in a suit, cause most of them are probably looking for pretty boys too, but, wow, it would be nice to find that working class guy who is single, hard working, family oriented, wants to marry, good in bed, makes good money, hasn’t screwed up his credit, trustworthy, clean, neat, and decent looking.  The writer can go for what she can get.  I can’t even find this guy!  P.S. I read the comments before I read the article, because, the comments are so much more interesting and revealing!

Do you look like a top model? do you agree to share the bed with other marry-up wannabes?So you dated the quarter backs in college,ignored the geeks, now the rich will fall at your feet?  lol….you are so superficial,i feel sorry for the absolute idiot (who has no self esteem whatsoever) who will pick up someone like you for the rest of his ATM-on-legs life.

Good luck in your search for Patrick Bateman.

How about getting a job and making your own money?

Coward doesn’t even use her real name on the article. So a prospective mate won’t be able to find out who before she is before she preys on him

There is now, and always has been, a lot of women who want to marry rich, and the more attractive you are, the more likely you will get the chance to do that, no matter what your education level. We all know this, but in polite society we don’t say this out loud. But,no matter what you say, this is very mercenary of you, and in a sense, a form of prostitution (in other words, an exchange of goods and services). Though by slapping the “married” label on you, our society says it’s perfectly fine. On the other hand, I respect the fact that you’re honest, if more women were upfront about what they expected in a future husband’s earning potential, it would save a lot of men a lot of time.

If and when you express any populist sentiments and someone accuses you of conducting class warfare, remember this article. Someone is conducting class warfare on you. Do you see a particle of interest expressed in the idea of seeing to it that men have an adequate opportunity to start and pursue their careers. Seem like more like the opposite. If this woman wants to pursue her aims let her do it. But by no means let her or anyone like her have more influence on law or policy than you have to. She very clearly states that she wants the upbringing she intends to provide her children to be the measure of who is fit to pursue a professional-level career. If you want things to be different, be aware that there are people who are seriously against you.

If you marry him for his money, don’t be surprised if he married you for your looks. I can tell you that more often than not, his money stays and keeps growing, and your looks go and YOU keep growing.

What am I doing? Marrying for a deep friendship, love and commitment to someone with sound financial practices. Therefore, we can become rich together. Ever met a REAL millionaire? You know someone who grew there money slowly, made moderate investments, didn’t become a slave to consumer debt? You will see that nearly all of them started out with very little, coupon-clipped their way through their first years of marriage, and together made their dream a reality.

If you marry him for his money, don’t be surprised if he married you for your looks. I can tell you that more often than not, his money stays and keeps growing, and your looks go and YOU keep growing.

What am I doing? Marrying for a deep friendship, love and commitment to someone with sound financial practices. Therefore, we can become rich together. Ever met a REAL millionaire? You know someone who grew there money slowly, made moderate investments, didn’t become a slave to consumer debt? You will see that nearly all of them started out with very little, coupon-clipped their way through their first years of marriage, and together made their dream a reality.

The author is trying to justify her gold digging ways. You don’t need to be making at least $300,000 per year and have investable assets of 1 million dollars to “protect [your] family from whatever expenses the world may throw at [you]“. I find this article sexist, as she looks at men not for who they are, but for what they have (money). If a man were to write that he wants to marry a smoking hot wife not because he’s shallow, but because he wants his children to be good looking, would this “feminist” not call that sexist?

“I don’t understand why people are being so harsh on this woman.”   What????   

Maybe you need to ask what exactly she is bringing to the marriage besides an entitled attitude, a young hot body and snobbery.      Let’s say she looks great – well that’s good for maybe 10 years max, but most guys with that kind of money could find arm candy at a moment’s notice so why marry her?     She is intelligent? – that’s debatable considering she seems to have the emotional maturity of a teenager at best.     Is she going to teach her children to value money over everything else????    How will this help them in the real world?    What if her husband experiences financial challenges, or gets sick, or gets fat, or whatever?     Dump him right?    Well what if she gets sick, gets fat, or whatever???   Oops – plan doesn’t look so good now does it?     She won’t be repeating the looks for money trick as easily at 40 when she is frumpy looking and having to compete with the 25 year olds.

If you have kids together and experience any sort of financial challenges, she will bail at a moment’s notice to “upgrade” to the newest rich guy, ruining her kids lives and leaving a wake of destruction behind in the guy’s life for sure.    If the guy manages to stay rich, chances are good that when she turns 40 or so and no longer has the same looks, he will upgrade to the newest 25-year old smokin’ hot babe he sees - either way divorce is almost inevitable and whatever family she has will not last long enough to raise stable kids.

“I don’t understand why people are being so harsh on this woman.”   What????   

Maybe you need to ask what exactly she is bringing to the marriage besides an entitled attitude, a young hot body and snobbery.      Let’s say she looks great – well that’s good for maybe 10 years max, but most guys with that kind of money could find arm candy at a moment’s notice so why marry her?     She is intelligent? – that’s debatable considering she seems to have the emotional maturity of a teenager at best.     Is she going to teach her children to value money over everything else????    How will this help them in the real world?    What if her husband experiences financial challenges, or gets sick, or gets fat, or whatever?     Dump him right?    Well what if she gets sick, gets fat, or whatever???   Oops – plan doesn’t look so good now does it?     She won’t be repeating the looks for money trick as easily at 40 when she is frumpy looking and having to compete with the 25 year olds.

If you have kids together and experience any sort of financial challenges, she will bail at a moment’s notice to “upgrade” to the newest rich guy, ruining her kids lives and leaving a wake of destruction behind in the guy’s life for sure.    If the guy manages to stay rich, chances are good that when she turns 40 or so and no longer has the same looks, he will upgrade to the newest 25-year old smokin’ hot babe he sees - either way divorce is almost inevitable and whatever family she has will not last long enough to raise stable kids.

They say “60″ is the “new 45″.  From the evidence here, it appears that “23″ is the new “15″.  Hold on to your wallets !

Is the author pretty enough to marry for money…?  If that’s her picture above then no.  It goes both ways sister.

My question for Emilia Echolls and those commenting here, is the same behavior acceptable for men?

Should men prioritize marrying wealthy women? Why not?

This can work both ways. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. If it is acceptable behavior for women, the same should hold true for men. No double standard.

Wealthy women, here I come!

“working class guy who is single, hard working, family oriented, wants to
marry, good in bed, makes good money, hasn’t screwed up his credit,
trustworthy, clean, neat, and decent looking.”

Silkylady1123, do all these characteristics hold true for you as well?

For the most part, I find women get the men they deserve. And men get the women they deserve.

We have certainly become a ultra materialistic and hyper consumerist society. Many have lost the ability to enjoy and appreciate the simple pleasures in life. I realize poverty for most is no fun and should be avoided. Of course one wants to pay for any hospital bills. But remember, when you die you can’t bring your expensive bling with you. Lots of cash will not substitute for or buy a content and happy soul.

The quality of women has dropped, tremendously, over the past 50 years.
June Cleaver has been replaced by Lil Kim

Marriage is a business for women.  This point of view is common.

It’s easier to find a well-to-do man than it is find a modern woman that can handle 3-4 kids, and run a house without help, like women used to do, in a time gone by…..
BD

I am going to say as a man. She is  a  failure for gold digging success. She is a plain jane at best. not very attractive. She isnt what most rich guys would want. She is what a rich guy would take to club bathroom  and have a bag over her head.  Now back to topic:  I know for a fact, I agree with The European Royalties point of view. Money marries money.    The man’s mother would object to her rich son marrying some poor  peasant girl, who’s sole goal is to marry up into high society. 

The rich get richer and the poor keep getting poorer as income inequality increases in America.

If this trend continues there will be a breaking point eventually. It will get ugly.

BTW, class warfare is totally acceptable when it is the rich against the poor. It is done all the time. That’s OK as the bottom half “deserves it”. But if the poor or middle class complain, they are criticized and maligned for engaging in class warfare. Double standard. The phrase “Class warfare” is used to intimidate people from speaking out against major wealth inequality. It shows where the real power in America lies. Certainly not with the poor or working class.

Not all women are this shallow. There are some of us that DO believe in equality, meaning we raise kids, clean a house (with help from our husbands!) and may even hold a full time job, long term, or short, whatever is necessary for the family. This lady is obviously living in fantasy land because some of the most gorgeous women in history, Madonna, Marilyn Monroe, Beyonce, Cher, Whitney Houston, etc made their fortunes (well over 300,000) without husbands. A good clue you are marrying the right woman if you plan to marry? ask her what she would do if you only made 15,000 a year and gauge her response from that. If she loves you know matter what, you have your winner.

No, no it is not. don’t judge us all by this shallow jell-o pop of a lady. We did not elect her as our representative to speak on the behalf of women.

It isn’t acceptable either way, but I guess to each their own, right? Women have married for money for years, but so have men. this is nothing new! If they weren’t marrying for money, it was prestige. I have always been against this. Marrying for love should be the only factor, for it can overcome all obstacles. (well, alot of them anyways!)

Yeah. I guess shallow can go both ways!

I agree! marrying for love is over!If I had to marry someone like you, I’d have a fuck buddy or two on the side, just to complete the circus, and we can sell tickets to complete our need to be filthy rich! whaddya say?

this is true, because now your ideal trophy wife doesn’t need you. Any dildo will do.

Ironically, I have three friends in NYC who all made a pact to marry for money. Their baseline was $500,000/year salary and that was 6 year ago when money was worth something. Today, all three are miserable and cheating on their husbands because, as they say is, “I deserve to be happy.” I, on the other hand moved out of the city to VA and married for love. My husband at the time only made $78,000/year, but steadily grew his business to the point where he takes home $270,000 or so. We are comfortable and still in love. Happy with my choice.

When her looks go or she gets too fat after she has a baby, he’ll divorce her and she’ll wish she had a job then.

I don’t agree with the standpoint that you should marry based on how much a man or woman is making at the time you meet them, because money can come and go.  I personally believe my selection for a man has to do with their personality.  I don’t want to marry someone who is lazy and won’t take care of things at home while I try to make a career or won’t make an effort with their own career to improve their life.  A lazy partner to me sounds like a recipe for disaster, leaving the woman to take care of everything.  But a person’s income is sometimes an indication of how they work and maybe the author is just too yound to realize that, but has a good idea by looking at one indicator for how lazy a man might be.

money is important, but it is not all that there is.  There is so much more that the human soul hungers for which money cannot buy– sweet gentleness, caring affection, thoughtful love.  I would be happy to have a simple life, which meets the basics in life and a little more for some leisure and comfort. At the end of the day, what matters are the incalculables in life.  If one marries for money, one builds one’s marriage on straw. When the money is gone, so also is the marriage.

This is why I need to marry a girl from another country.  American women are f***** up. 

Wow, what a shallow b$+(h

Wow. I agreed with everything in the article…until I got to the end where she defined “rich.” Based on the given criteria, I think the author is seriously screwed up.  There is a big difference between wanting to marry someone who is financially successful/secure and someone who is rolling in dough. 

“It seems as if she values herself at $300,000.00 per year and $1,000,000.00 in investable assests.”

Hmm….methinks she values herself too highly lol

Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but some peoples beliefs are stupid, like Emilia’s.  Lets not sugar coat this, Emilia is a child and she needs to grow up.

Very well-articulated. This is so true – a woman of value is going to hold out for a man of value based on what he and she can provide one another. A marriage is a contract, and therefore something like a business. No one would sell themselves short in a financial exchange, why would they do this in a marriage? Besides, it is ingrained in a (high-value) woman’s DNA since our days as cave men and women, that she will hold out for the man that will best be able to provide for her and her offspring, duh!

Well, she claims her value is $300,000/yr, plus $1,000,000 in assets, in other words, thats what the man will provide to her.  What will she provide to him?  5-10 years of good looks?  She brings very little to the bargaining table.

She is kind of like a sports car in this ‘transaction’.  The second he rolls her off the lot her value depreciates, and in a few years, she has a few scratches and dings, and probably needs a little work done under the hood.  There just comes a point where she becomes an endless money pit, where it costs more money to fix her up (think Pamela Anderson or Janice Dickinson) than to just trade her in for the new model.

It’s ingrained in a man’s DNA to ‘spread his seed’ as far as he can, so if she’s shallow enough to look around for a guys money, can you really blame the guy if he dumps her as soon as she gets old and boring?

Second part ditto. First part – what makes you think chicks from anywhere else aren’t even more interested in American men with the resources to get them here?

There is a difference between seeking a suitable provider and gold digging. Her definition of a “provider” in this case is a man that earns more then $300,000 a year and has over a million dollars in investable assets. She’s seeking walking bank account, not financial security. I hope that she makes her intentions clear to prospective mates, as otherwise that would be fraud.

You’re understanding of marriage is, to put it lightly, extremely shallow. To say marriage is a business venture is saying that it is nothing but a prostitution contract. If this were in fact the case, then yes, one should not “sell herself short”.  

I  hope your not a feminist, because using that cave men reference recalls times when the “duties” of a women was little more then child bearers…..

There is a difference between seeking a suitable provider and gold digging. Her definition of a “provider” in this case is a man that earns more then $300,000 a year and has over a million dollars in investable assets. She’s seeking walking bank account, not financial security. I hope that she makes her intentions clear to prospective mates, as otherwise that would be fraud.

You’re understanding of marriage is, to put it lightly, extremely shallow. To say marriage is a business venture is saying that it is nothing but a prostitution contract. If this were in fact the case, then yes, one should not “sell herself short”.  

I  hope your not a feminist, because using that cave men reference recalls times when the “duties” of a women was little more then child bearers…..

She’s 23. I think that explains it. 

I totaly agree you!!

I totally agree, but I’m not 23 and pretty, single, and am constantly worried about money, that is, every penny, as I’m now living on disability income. Much of my pain and sorrow is related to not being able to afford anything, not even to get my rotting teeth taken out and buy dentures,moving back home, etc. People who say that money doesn’t buy happiness are not those existing near poverty level.

A few comments…

Well said, whoever noted ‘she’s 23…’

You are a child, and have no idea you are dealing with a generation of men who have grown up battered not by the reasoned version of feminism you espouse, but by the venomous brand bruited by the likes of Freidan, swallowed whole by your baby-boom moms and grandmothers.  At that level they’re smart and look on relationships the same way you do, a business deal for security and stability in a troubled world, that lasts as long as it is profitable or makes them happy. What do you bring to the table in exchange for that bundle which some young man (if he’s not a trust-fund version of slaved through school and worked 18 hour days to build? Your a$$? Lots of those around, and I can guarantee, no matter who you are, there is or will be, as soon as yours begins to sag, a better one around. You think the sacrifice of the ideal only works one way, yours? Better hire an attorney to look over the prenup.

It’s good you chose New York because the above scenario, like the bucks, exist in the coastal enclaves.  Limitless stretches of flyover country whose inhabitants would look at you as the sad  little creature you are, and happy to see you vacate, like Anna Nicole Smith, for environs more suited to your pathetic ethos.

Lastly, there is a generation of young American men and women who shed their blood and sweat in defense of your right to gold dig for that easy route to Broadway plays, and college for the kids.  Their integrity will rebuild America while you are contemplating your next pair  of Manolos. 

oops.

That line should have been “(a trust-fund male version of Paris Hilton)…”

A woman of value, today, can provide for herself. The 50′s (and before) are quite long gone.

Since were all about un-virtuously reducing to core desires here, its fair to say youll be fine as long as your husband marries for looks. Course, with your demands ($300k a year), there are an awful lot of attractive women available that think the same way you do, so youve got your work cut out for you.

Even should you succeed, i hope you dont expect much – since you married for money and your husband for looks, dont expect much beyond the bare minimum in respect. And dont wait around too long if hes hesitant to forego the prenup because before you know it youre out of your 30′s and now its your husband who will be looking to marry for money.

IF the above seems harsh, its meant to be – thats what like minded greed will get you

This is one of the most vile things I’ve ever read. You aren’t a maverick or an intellectual. You’re a greedy, immature child. I can tell you with 100% certainty: your value system is fubar and espouses many of the worst traits of humanity.

How about I write an article entitled: “Why I want to marry stupid, subservient supermodels”. Wow. Just…wow. There’s time for you to change, but boy, your ego is going to have to come back from its current orbit around the moon. Good luck with that - I promise you, life is a cruel mistress and you’re headed down a road that’s going to leave you barren.    

I think I have an interesting prospective here:  1) I largely meet her criteria:  I am a man who has more than $1,000,000 in investments with no debt.  I “only” make about $200,000 per year, but I live in a small town in middle america, so my income should buy as much or more at $300,000 in NYC.  I did this while still in my 30s.  2) I make my living working as a divorce appraiser.  I do 100-150 divorce appraisals per year of both real estate and personal property (furniture, vehicles, guns, etc).  In fact, tomorrow I will testify in two different divorce trials.  I have been doing divorce appraisals for about 15 years now- so I have seen 2,000+ different divorces up close and personal.  I have found this:  Men who have money and are flashy about it (fancy cars, good clothes, nice house, etc)- have NO trouble attracting women.  They also cheat about as often as celebrities.  Conversely, women who have excellent looks have NO trouble attracting men.  They also cheat like crazy.  Typically, the man with the $$$ hooks up with the good looking woman.  They keep me employed.  Marrying for money or looks is a dangerous game. 

When I was in college, I was very much into finance.  I was a finance/accounting major who purchased his first stock when he was 14.  As soon as I was 18 and could sign contracts in my own name, I was buying and selling real estate.  This made me attractive to a certain type of woman.  When I got the feeling they were more interested in my earning potential than in me, I would dump them.  Eventually, I met and married a woman who was interested in me.  We married when we were still fairly young and just celebrated our 18th anniversary. 

When you have a certain income and net worth, your social circles tend to include people who have some of those same characteristics.  We know well two other married couples who have either a net worth well in excess of $1,000,000 or the income well in excess of $300,000 that this woman seeks.  In both cases, the wives are on anti-depressants.  Their lives are not all that great.  I hope the author learns some life lessons before it is too late.    

I’d have to agree with you, Emilia, but in a different sense.  In searching for the “perfect” mate, my money-related quality I “required” was for someone to be SMART with their money.  On a salary of $50,000/mo one can live in such a way where they are able to save and enjoy trips, shows, etc.  It’s all about not being house or car poor (ha).  An abundance of money is not what I looked for (but hey, let’s be real, it’d be nice!) but rather shopping/spending/saving wisely.  There’s not a bigger turn off to find out a mate has a lazy work ethic or TONS of credit card debt- because your children and marriage inherit those problems as well. In today’s society, we’re taught to protect ourselves- everything’s so BAD, don’t buy a new car, SAVE money, etc so the writer is simply protecting herself and her future family.  But remember this as well- a loveless marriage would be miserable.

Wow, self-righteous much? You judge so hard, are you God?

And what does “the generation of young American men and women who shed their blood and sweat” have to do with this fluff piece, do you talk about it with flying spittle at children’s birthday parties if the parents paid more than you approve of for a cake? 

Right, better to marry a girl who’ll do anything for a green-card, than a girl who’ll doing it for just money.

You guys, I think we’re being trolled.

I’m loaded, and I insist that my arm candy be totally hot. I’m not shallow; I just expect the most bang for my buck.

So shallow.  What are you bringing to the table>

Personally, I’d rather have Lil’ Kim than June Cleaver.  One is a beautiful, creative rap musician and fashion icon who spent a year in jail rather than snitch on a friend.  The other’s a naggy career housewife.

And in my opinion, if a man isn’t willing to spend time taking care of his kids, he shouldn’t have ‘em.

I can hazard a fairly good guess as to the kind of husband you’re is going to get.  It isn’t pretty.

Unlike other posters here, I do NOT think you are going to get someone looking for a “hot” wife.  You’re not bad-looking, but you’re hardly a supermodel either, and those guys want supermodels.  No, what you’re going to get is somebody who wants kids and a clean home and doesn’t want to have to think too much about either.  A gay or bi man with a religious-conservative family who needs a beard, or a man who wants strange pussy every night but needs a wife to produce children, and is looking for a woman who will look the other way.  He will be looking at this as a business proposition too, so he will make damn sure to get a prenup.  And make no mistake, he will cheat.  He will cheat on you with as many as will have him.  He may stop wanting to have sex with you soon into the marriage–you may not mind though, as the same selfishness that caused him to choose a Wall Street career and a shallow marriage will cause him to be bad in bed.  He will be emotionally inattentive to you, and worse, to the kids.  Expect him to miss their baseball games for “business meetings” that turn out to be visits to his girlfriend, and to justify this by talking about what a good provider he is.

At some point, one or the other of you might fall in love. This will mean divorce.

You won’t find love with your husband, because you’re going after Wall Street millionaires and those guys tend to be soulless bastards.  Any who aren’t will be turned off by your mercenary attitude.  In the best-case scenario, you’ll be too busy with the kids to notice that your husband is never there, and he’ll be too busy cheating on you to have the kind of messy fights that lead to divorce.  In the worst-case scenario he will divorce you when the kids are small, hire a better lawyer than yours and leave you with nothing.  Or worse still, he will think of you as his property, since he’s paying for you, and physically abuse you if you don’t act the way he wants.

I hope that you’ll find a person or career you’re truly passionate about soon, rather than at midlife when you’re already trapped as a housewife to a man you don’t love.

I’m working on my abs and getting money so that women can find some value in me other than my cock

You are precisely the type of woman I always have avoided. ……When I was single I had a great business, made very good money,(235k), owned apartment buildings in San Francisco, and drove a new BMW. I was running away form golddiggers, and shallow materialistic women all the time. When I met my wife to be, I was attracted by her looks, modesty, and lack of avariciousness. it turned out that her father made ten times what I did and had been retired for twenty years. She was the daughter of a multi millionaire, and it showed in her attitude about wealth. That is what I like, not someone greedy, and  grasping

You sound like a twenty-something kid. Lil Kim is not marriage material…. A woman who can’t run a household, cook, clean, and care for children is worthless.. 

Generally speaking american women are not good marriage material. That is why so many guys want a wife from Asia, Latin America, or Europe..

Who the fuck cares what this dumb bitch thinks?

All today’s women ‘love’ is money, money and more money.  And we all know what the love of money is the root of, don’t we?  American women used to be some of the most marriageable in the world; now, they the ones to avoid at all costs — if a man cares about securing his future.

Truly laughable, how so many women over-value their pussies.

Sounds more like a slut hooker than a woman of value. Money should have no part or you are no better than a street walker.

Wow. You are a horrible human being. Actually calling you a human being would be giving you too much credit. Maybe ‘leech’ or ‘parasite’ is more accurate. The world would be better off without people like you.

I am not for living in poverty, but want to be comfortable and not be hurting.I would much rather marry for love because it will last. BTW if you want to marry someone rich, make sure there are no children involved from an ex-wife or mistress. If there are children, you can bet your bottom dollar they will lay a claim to his estate after he passes away(that in itself is a total nightmare, but something you have to deal with if you are aware of him having children that are not by you!)

Many of the commenters are misunderstanding this essay. She is not relying solely on her looks to “win” a husband – this is clearly a well-educated and financially secure woman. Besides the fact that the footnote says she works in marketing (which requires at least an undergraduate degree) in NYC (which is a hyper-competitive job market), she says she is looking for a man, who, “like [she], both has and values money”. She does not want to be the primary bread winner for a household; she does not want to marry someone with a less lucrative job than hers and/or is less educated than she is. It is important to know what you are looking for in the long run. If you want to be a stay-at-home mother, then you need to have a partner that can single-handedly support a family in an economy which typically requires two incomes.
 
You can’t truly fall in love with someone with whom you cannot imagine a future. And she’s right – marriage is, by definition, a legal contract. It is a financial partnership as much as it is a commitment to a life together. If you and your partner do not agree on how money should be managed, what it should be spent on, or who should work when, then your marriage will fail just as it would if you and your partner cannot agree on what constitutes a “happy” life. She is saying that, for her, a happy life is one that allows her to spend time with her children and her husband, travel, and be able to eat dinners out and not have to worry about it being a burden. She is looking for a life partner that shares her goals and views of the world, not blindly grabbing at whatever millionaire passes by.
 
Studies have shown that the reason the divorce rate has sky-rocketed over the past fifty or so years is because of the relatively new belief that marriage should be based entirely on love. Neither the studies, nor I, are recommending that people marry lovelessly – the studies simply serve to highlight a large shift in our culture since the fifties. During that time, was expected that the women would stay home with the children and keep house (cook dinner, do laundry, etc.) The man would work, and provide the income. Both parties had a clear role within the marriage and within the home. Couples *did* marry for love, but they also were on the same page about the division of labor. It did not have to be discussed, because it was societally enforced. Furthermore, studies in that time found that woman were looking for a financially stable man. It was a normal thing to ask for and look for in a spouse, because the women had no means of supporting themselves.

The decades since then have been a transitional period, where women are working out of the home, but still expected to keep up all of their “homemaking” duties to the detriment of their health, sanity, and happiness. This is the “second shift” she is referring to in the article. (). It is an unsustainable model, and so, the divorce rate has zoomed to 50%. Marrying for love and love alone will NOT a happy marriage make. Emotions are ever-changing and little understood. One *must* consider the financial implications of the marriage and the financial goals of his or her partner.

The key fact here:  She is 23.  Double-standards are even worse among the immature. She probably has no idea yet what she is really saying–merely parroting her mother.

Yeah, especially if the hard work is mostly his.

let us know how it goes…..I’m curious….with youth often comes strong conviction, about many things.  My convictions have changed 2-3 times over the last 20 years.  Please write again in 20 years….bored, sipping 2 glasses of wine with the girls at lunch, and mid divorce.

let us know how it goes…..I’m curious….with youth often comes strong conviction, about many things.  My convictions have changed 2-3 times over the last 20 years.  Please write again in 20 years….bored, sipping 2 glasses of wine with the girls at lunch, and mid divorce.

The “reality” is that this 23-year-old has barely worked an honest day in her life yet.  She’s facing the realities any new adult must face, and she’s trying to cop out by marrying for money.

The “reality” is that this 23-year-old has barely worked an honest day in her life yet.  She’s facing the realities any new adult must face, and she’s trying to cop out by marrying for money.

If you have ever experienced serious poverty, it scars you for the rest of your life.  It used to be that people lived in an area surrounded by relatives, so there was always help.  But for the past 35 years or so, you have children being raised by single mothers living in places where there is no family around to help out.  In the 1970s, I watched my mother struggle with a secretarial job even though she had a master’s degree because she couldn’t get child support or hired for jobs she was qualified for.  We were homeless for a while, staying with some of her friends who would take us in for a couple of weeks.  It wasn’t until we were grown and out of the apartment that she even started to be able to quit living hand to mouth and paycheck to paycheck.  Needless to say, she wasn’t able to help her kids financially with college.  I enlisted in the military because I was terrified of being homeless again, even though I knew from the start that the military was a poor fit for me.  I extended my enlistment for a year because I didn’t have enough money saved up for me to get started in civilian life.

Marrying for love is nice, but my parents did and you cannot live on it.  I have never married because I am loath to have children, then find myself unable to provide for them.  It’s not like the old days when your kids would take care of you when you were old and infirm.  Now you get stuck in a third rate care facility that takes you in for your social security checks because you didn’t take enough financial steps to provide for your old age and your kids have problems of their own and blame you for them.

I’m not anti-marriage, but if you are going to commit to one, then use your head before your heart.  Being financially secure is as important as sex in a marriage.  Everything falls apart when the money isn’t there.       

Whatever whore.

Everybody has traits they look for in a spouse – even tho I think yours are out of line, at least you are honest about them.  One question tho – do you intend to be just as honest with your prospective partner, or do you plan to give him the impression that you love him so much you would have married him even if he made a paltry 100k?

A woman wants to marry up to a rich guy. Earthshaking stuff. In next week’s article Emelia Echolls will discuss–in other stunning insights–her belief that blankets keep you warm, too much food makes you fat and earthworms probably don’t spend much on shoes.

Girls like this are exactly what I hate about NYC. Everyone knows marketing girls are out to marry rich though, so doesn’t come as much of a surprise. Why not go to Wall Street and make your own money? I get that your argument is that you’re just practical, but the fact that you don’t just do that proves that you’re just another bratty young NYC woman who wants to marry rich and become a lady who lunches. Good luck with the competition out there.

Wow!! What a whore!!

Dear money grubbing gold digger:

I think EVERY woman who wants to marry rich should do so. Get RICH (on your own), then get married!

Otherwise I have no respect for you as a self sufficient adult.

   Not much new here.  In the 50′s Marilyn Monroe said (Gentlemen Prefer Blonds) “A girl who’s beautiful is the same as a man who’s rich.”  It’s always been a challenge to find a partner who genuinely cares about you and your wellbeing rather than the power and status she can obtain thru “catching” you.  
   The article is imprecise in stating whether the author is also rich herself and wants a partner who shares her finances (though at 23 I doubt this is the case) or she is just looking for the most funds/power because she feels she is attractive enough to trade for this.  
    Either way, it continues to be a challenge for anyone dating, man or woman, to choose a partner with the selfawareness and character to be able to genuinely love specifically you through the ups and downs of life and wether we lose our money or our looks.  Character is the key. 

@Justin: You know the solution to poverty: A JOB…better yet, a CAREER. Women with that mindset need to go GET ONE!!!

It is totally reasonable to want to marry someone who shares your lifestyle, financial goals and goals for creating a family.  Why so much criticism?  

Marrying rich and being feminist are opposites. A rich man who provides his wife with affluence ought not to suffer feminism. That is just not right.

Interesting point of view. Of course if you do not know how to become rich by working and being inventive, you will never know how to keep the money afterwards. So getting a rich husband is really just a childish solution to your dilemma..long term speaking.

Meh.  I can understand the desire not to be impoverished or unable to afford necessities.  However – beyond that point, prioritizing “rich” vs many of the other traits which make a successful relationship is IMO a mistake.  Do you see a correlation between happy couples and rich couples?  I certainly don’t.

Also, a piece of advice – it is startlingly easy to spend $1M (buy a few nice cars and an expensive house which loses value, and you’re already there) so don’t expect that the income level you describe is going to make you free from money worries.  All the more reason to focus on durable attributes which make a happy relationship and happy life.

 Earthshaking stuff. In next week’s article Emelia Echolls will discuss–in other stunning insights–her belief that blankets keep you warm, too much food makes you fat and earthworms probably don’t spend much on shoes.

 I watched my mother struggle with a secretarial job even though she had a master’s degree because she couldn’t get child support or hired for jobs she was qualified for. 

If she wants to be rich rather than virtuous, why does she care whether the reader thinks she’s anti-feminist?  I’m also curious as to how she would react to her own editorial if the genders were reversed.

She’s entitled to have whatever standards she wants for the men she will date or marry.  She’s not entitled to be taken seriously as a principled feminist.  The three main feminist objections to what she is saying here that I can provide off the top of my head (others may be able to think of more) are:

1)  A world in which men are expected to be primary financial providers is one in which more economic resources will be allocated to men.

2)  When women rely on men as their primary source of financial security, they compromise their economic independence.  If you can’t leave a relationship because you don’t have the economic wherewithal to do so, you put yourself in a position of being abused or trapped in an undesirable marriage.  Feminist activists who worked hard to give women the opportunities to support themselves economically would probably take a dim view of this woman.

3)  She’s basically saying you need to buy her love.  A world in which women think like this is a world in which men will see women as commodities.

Maybe she has some sort of brilliant response to these concerns that salvages her feminist credibility, but she didn’t bother to put it in this editorial.  She anticipated that feminists might object to what she has to say here, but didn’t bother to reflect on why.  If she wanted to convince me that she cares about 1) money and 2) feminism, she only succeeded in the former.  I fail to see why she bothered with the latter.

There’s a word for it: whore.

Be careful what you wish for, fake-name.  Also, be careful when trying to call yourself a true feminist unless you’re also prepared to call yourself ‘incorrect’.  The reason it is implied that marrying for money means you’re selling yourself to the highest bidder is because by definition, YOU ARE. 

I don’t wish bad things on anyone; I really hope you do find a rich man with morals who will give you all the love and attention you deserve.  But these men can often pick out a gold-digger (you), and the man who won’t care to make that distinction will probably be very driven and career-focused…and not much else.  You may have all the time in the world to tend to your home and children because you won’t have to share that time with your husband, who will be at a bar on a business-trip making inappropriate advances on the bartender.  So you may want to change your fake name to Ms. Future Adulterer.

I understand the desire to support your family, but this ‘family’ you refer to is, at this point, strictly hypothetical.  What if your sugar-daddy doesn’t want to tie the knot and jump right into parenthood?  You’re going to be doing a whole lot of nothing for a while.  And, unfortunately for us, you’ll have a lot of time to write more articles.

Be careful what you wish for, fake-name.  Also, be careful when trying to call yourself a true feminist unless you’re also prepared to call yourself ‘incorrect’.  The reason it is implied that marrying for money means you’re selling yourself to the highest bidder is because by definition, YOU ARE. 

I don’t wish bad things on anyone; I really hope you do find a rich man with morals who will give you all the love and attention you deserve.  But these men can often pick out a gold-digger (you), and the man who won’t care to make that distinction will probably be very driven and career-focused…and not much else.  You may have all the time in the world to tend to your home and children because you won’t have to share that time with your husband, who will be at a bar on a business-trip making inappropriate advances on the bartender.  So you may want to change your fake name to Ms. Future Adulterer.

I understand the desire to support your family, but this ‘family’ you refer to is, at this point, strictly hypothetical.  What if your sugar-daddy doesn’t want to tie the knot and jump right into parenthood?  You’re going to be doing a whole lot of nothing for a while.  And, unfortunately for us, you’ll have a lot of time to write more articles.

I doubt any man could get away with this. Society accepts a woman who “marries up” but any man who makes less than his wife (which by definition he would if he married up) is considered a failure. Women are praised for seeking to be the breadwinner, but men are criticized if they are not. It sets up conflicts in marriage that lead to many divorces, especially in the black community.

To the men on this board complaining about the shallow fickleness of women: your poverty is showing. Ditto for the embittered housewives carping about careers.

women hunting for men in an age when love and intimacy are so casual , and yet the MONETARY implications of getting married are So Severe for men shows just how outdated the model is for us guys

to hell with getting married. why should i work so some calculating gal like this can be entitled to my fortune and be legally able to rob me blind if things don’t work out.

I’d rather pay to get high genetic material from attractive beautiful women, have surgate mothers bear them and then just have casual girlfriends raise my children

a much better model for wealthy men nowadays, I think  

absolutely she is probably beautiful if she believes she can pull this off

however, that no longer has the bargaining power it us to have. in the past, marriage to such a woman meant a beautiful girl supporting you, raising your children, and building a future with you

now, things are hardly less stable if you tie the knot, and yet the consequences are harsh

furthermore, while pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free… it’s so easy to meet beautiful women to have casual relationships with. 

The costs of marriage are not worth the benefits !!

Hahaha I’m in my first year in NYC, and I see these girls everyday, getting off the 5 train at the Wall St stop. When you get older, Miss Fake Emilee, you’ll realize how much of a sellout youve become…I’d rather die on my feet than live on my knees. And guys– emilee and girls like her are clearly children after your moolah. Just rub one out to the plethora of online vixens

…and with your husband up to his hands and knees in younger, cuter, stupider poon-tang.

Not all American women are like this.  I’m an American woman who is black, and I despise and loathe the author’s attitude.  No wonder white guys flee to Asian women.  If I dated women, I would too.

This female author is pathetic.  I disagree with her and consider her a gold digger.  However, as a woman also living in NYC – and I will admit I am far hotter than she is, and men react accordingly – I’ve witnessed a disturbing trend.  When they encounter me, are on a date with me, or are near me (e.g., seated near me on a subway), men look me over, look nervous, then do the following:

1. Take out their wallets
2. Conspicuously remove, expose and count large amounts of cash
3. Glance furtively at me to see if I see the cash
4. Rinse, repeat

Male strangers do it to me, male friends crushing on me do it to me, and now my male best friend is doing it to me, as well as laying extensive hints he wants to marry me and fill me up with his spawn.  No thanks.  My question to men is:

If you don’t want women to be golddiggers, then why is it when one of us is attractive to you, you start flashing money at us?  Why do you buy expensive cars and drive around watching to see if we’ll react and approach?  Could it be males display wealth to attract sex and are not even aware they’re doing it?  Then how do we blame the above Millennial Tramp for being what she is?

I make my own money and have turned down numerous, numerous offers of marriage because I like my life the way it is.  Gentlemen, you can’t have it both ways.  If you don’t like women to treat you like a walking wallet, stop trying to attract women with your wallet.  Makes sense, n’est-ce pas?  Seriously, why do men do this?  Put the cash away, I have my own and I don’t need or care about yours, thanks.  Just be decent and sane and lay some decent pipe with more than seven inches, and then go away the next morning, I’m happy.

Id make the rich husband pay his fair share in taxes so we can all enjoy these women!

Did the Father-in-Law pay his taxes? Probably not. 

Heather, you’re the man.

What you realize that this author doesn’t is that having your own, independent source of wealth gives you power.  You can begin or end relationships with whomever you like without worrying that doing so will leave you destitute.  Millennial Tramp, as you call her, doesn’t understand how vulnerable she makes herself by depending on men for money.

LMAO, you represent all that is wrong with American culture.  Women in this country stopped marrying for love a long long time ago.  90% of the time, they are simply finding a guy who wants to procreate.  Whether or not this is a guy well suited for them is irrelevant.  Most marriages just end in divorce anyway, so really women are just looking for a guy to make some babies for them and then pay the way after the divorce is finalized.  Capitalism has turned women into money grubbing baby factories.  If we aren’t marrying for love anymore, it’s no wonder the divorce rate is so high.  Good luck marrying a money bag.  I hope he’s good in the sack.  No pun intended.

What a slanderous thing to say. Of course he did. but I hope he paid the least amount possible.

What a slanderous thing to say. Of course he did. but I hope he paid the least amount possible.

What a slanderous thing to say. Of course he did. but I hope he paid the least amount possible.

What a slanderous thing to say. Of course he did. but I hope he paid the least amount possible.

YES As Men of the new 21st century, we are also MARRYING UP. No longer are we interested in a mediocre woman with just good looks.. We desire a woman, who will be there on a 50/50 scale. What happens if the husband, gets disabled.. wether accident, old age, or SICK. A woman who cannot pull any weight other than saying shes the mother, is no different than a poor woman. Just better dressed.

AND, lets be numbers wise.. 50% of the USA population makes under 50k.. 70% makes under 30k.. So she is choosing the top 50%.. WELL that number drops to under 15% of PEOPLE in the USA making over 200k. So she would rather marry a guy making 300k.. hmmm.. And as she stated she makes well under 50k.. HERE Is the issue, and it is a curse to women worldwide. What you want, may not be what you actually have 20+ Years later. Marrying for money, means that if it is lower, by whatever happens.. your own goals are shot. Marriage is the time to BUILD Wealth, not spoonge off of someone else’s..  
MANY a Marriage based on money, always crumble horribly.. YES you may get Alimony and Child Support.. BUT those are finite incomes, not INFINITE.. What happens once you reach 40.. NO SKILLS, NOTHING but history.. YOU Crumble..

Have scene it more times than i even wanted to. Some with 300+ K income guys, who lost their jobs..  Wives left them in the wind.. Years later dude is making 400k..  IT is funny watching the backpeddles…
Men want someone who will be there thick thin, better worse…. RICHER OR!!! POORER!!!!

women who trade sex/baby making for money/houses/cars are whores. This means most western women are  whores.

when you cant afford the lifestyle,  and trade physical love for that lifestyle, that makes you a whore 

$300K/yr and $1M in wealth is like the 5th standard deviation for twentysomethings.  This woman better be looking for someone much older than she is. And she’d better be gorgeous.  From the photo I can’t really tell.  She doesn’t look ugly but she should either have breast implants or be willing to get them amongst other things if she really wants to be as selective as she’s being.  If you want to be some shallow gold-digger then don’t be surprised if the only rich guys you can get are equally shallow. 

All that said, it doesn’t bother me that women consider money in choosing a husband – its important – but they need to be realistic about it.  If they aren’t especially rich or attractive then why would some rich guy want to marry them.  Unless the guy is also really old and ugly.  The girls down at Scores are drop dead gorgeous, making six figure incomes, and most of them want to marry some rich guy too.  That’s who this chick is competing against.

She doesn’t share those goals.  She wants to be some rich guy’s trophy wife.  She isn’t some rich celebrity looking for someone of the same social status or even some rich banker looking for someone as equally money-hungry as she is.  She works in “marketing” which could mean anything from some Madison avenue firm to someone who gets half naked and hands out free shots at the bars every night on behalf of Red Bull.  Being that she has time to write poorly paid freelance journalism like this I’m guessing its something closer to the later.  She’s just some dumb 23 year old who has been in the real world for a couple months now and still doesn’t know how it works.  

She’s in “marketing”.  That could mean any number of things.  It doesn’t necessarily even mean she has a degree.   And she’s doing freelance journalism.  So her day job is either not keeping her all that busy or not paying her well so she needs the extra cash.  Also, there’s a big difference between a guy who can support a stay at home mom and a guy with $300K/yr in income and a $1M portfolio.  Even in New York you can easily support a family on half that with no portfolio.  The median family income in that region isn’t even much higher than it is anywhere else. 

I’m also 23, female, and grew up without money, so it’s very important to me to be financially stable to minimize my anxieties.  That’s why I can’t imagine relying on someone else for financial stability.  That’s also why I worked hard in school, got a good job right out of college, and paid off my car and student loans as quickly as possible.  Now I’m debt free, enjoying my career, and can afford to choose a mate solely based on character.  In case I choose wrong, I’ll be able to end the relationship without significantly altering my lifestyle (financially speaking).  I wouldn’t be comfortable compromising myself for money.

You feel differently, fine.  Why write about it?  It sounds like you think you’re putting forward a novel idea, you’re not.  There are a lot of women who want to live in luxury (you specified $300k+ for traveling and Book of Mormon tickets, that’s beyond financial stability) without working for it (see Real Housewives of –enter American city here–).  If you are in fact trolling us, great job, it’s good to get this discussion going I suppose.  If not, then, as a woman who cares about being respected, I resent this otherwise pointless article for fanning the sexism fire that many of us work hard to extinguish.  FYI you are most certainly not the “staunch feminist” you claim to be, I think the other comments have covered that.

PS I’m no supermodel, but yeah, I look pretty good.  That makes it tougher to get taken seriously since plenty of women like you are still around.

So Emilia, you’re a gold digger AND a feminist to boot? Wow, where do I sign up? Can’t imagine why you’re still single.

My eighty year old mother and I always joke the next time we marry, it’s for money.  Enough of the love thing.  She was married to my dad for 47 years until he passed away and I’ve been married to my dear husband for 31!  Not much money between any of us!

This is not surprising. Back in the days of extreme wealth disparity, marriage was as much an economic decision as anything else. Now that we’re trending towards historical levels of disparity, marriage will be more like it was. Prenups are a modern form of morganatic marriage.

Yeah, I was 23 once too. Get back to us in 10 years when you’re fully baked.

Marrying rich men is an old idea. Marriage has always been used for financial as well as legal reasons. Thing is, most rich people are always searching for ways to protect their money in the case of a divorce with prenuptial agreements.  Therefore, you aren’t gonna walk away from this filthy rich when you decide you’ve made a mistake and are ready to leave him.  If you can’t marry for love, don’t marry at all. 

You sound like a hooker.

At the core, hasn’t this been common, for, maybe, a million years? Woman who will be incapacitated by childbirth wants to know that she will not starve to death as a result. Duh.

Of course, life is full of compromises. And if you are fishing for the same few men that plenty of other women are fishing for, expect that things can get intense and you may not win.

What is it that YOU bring to this marriage plan??

What is it that YOU bring to this marriage plan??

As a 20-something American woman who grew up in poverty, I agree that financial security is important.  I want my children to have the things I never did.  So I worked my butt off, got a good education, and earn my own money.  Enough to support myself and the family I hope someday to have, regardless of what my future husband earns.  You want money, go make it yourself.  The sheer fact that you think you need a man to provide you with it means you aren’t as into equality as you claim to be.

They are going to be in for a rude awakening down the road when  their sugar daddies trade them in for this year’s model. Marriage that is not about love and compatibility is doomed to failure.

You disgust me with that comment. ANY HUMAN that isn’t capable of running a household, cook, clean, care for children, and keep THEM SELF happy and cared for, is the worthless one! It is not solidly a “woman’s job” as you insinuated.

Sorry that you are disgusted,but it is 100% true. ..Perhaps you are still single, or just don’t know any better.  Most guys seek women who are not feminists for marriage, no guy wants to be married to a room mate

You better be hot if you want to marry rich.  Pray that your future husband doesn’t trade you in for a younger, hotter model.

 There’s so much wrong with this post I don’t even know where to start! For one, she’s obviously not selling herself to the higher bidder. Take Dude A and Dude B. Dude A make 15 bazillion dollars and is an asshole. Dude B makes $800,000 a year and is awesome. She would clearly choose Dude B. Thus, she has rejected the highest bidder. Come on. Why don’t people understand that the money is an ADDITIONAL qualification for her, not the ONLY or even most important one? Do you really think that if she met a guy that she really liked but he only made $100,000 she would reject him out of hand? She’s just saying she’s going to deliberately seek out richer men.

So the idea that she would universally be interpreted as a gold digger, and thus only get jerky, unscrupulous men to date her as a result is a pretty narrow view of people. It’s amazing the negative ideas people get about others who have very slightly varying ideas about life.

Perhaps men are flashing money at you because you’re a “professional”?  LOL.  As you state, you’re uber hot, and crave only 90th percentile “pipe.”

Sure, he’ll provide for the offspring better than he’ll provide for you, especially after a couple of years, after which you will play second fiddle. Ahhh…being a man and rich is the spice of life. I’d much rather support a woman knowing full well that for the short time we spend together in life, she will be nothing more than my personal bank where I make my sperm deposits.

Jon Stewart, Donald Trump as well as many other well known rich men are way ahead of you on this thought. While this is a trend that is becoming more and more popular and with good reason,  it should not surprise anyone. Any wonder why these type of men choose to marry  Eastern European, Asian or Latin woman? With the inflexible and hardcore attitude American woman exhibit and are known for, it’s a really a no-brainer.

hmmm, one who wants a green card vs one who wants just your money. Again, a no brainer.

That’s just one part….attitude IS everything!!

Isn’t it double speak to say that you’re marrying up but then trying to espouse yourself as equal on every other level?

I have great respect for you writing this article in a brutally honest way… until you said that you wrote this article under a pseudonym. What are you afraid of? Why do you hide behind a fake name? 

and women continue to wonder why those men, who have a choice, will not hire them

looking forward to hearing how e echols husband does her wrong when she lets herself go or time catches she loses her desirability by looks ………… cuz she sure does not have any thing else to offer the rich man

hope she writes that story of sour grapes

btw …………. as per photo and choice of medium ………… echols, you dont have what it takes to marry real rich………..maybe just one of the part time “noveau riche” only

good luck, your life is going to be a tough one

Agree this might be a reaction to childhood issues. Had a situation about which I spoke to a counselor, who said it’s known that people who grew up poor may focus too much on the material and too little on the emotional. So, in addition to what happens if/when he gets tired of her, she needs to worry about what she will do when she makes the transition from thankful for the money to accustomed to it. When she just can’t stand the guy she’s with regardless of the money, or something happens and the lifestyle does drop, then what? I linked to the article from cnn.com, which had a link to another article that asks the woman if she is “forever material”. Food for thought…

Wow. Just saying…the wars that have been fought over all these years in favor of feminism, have been fought to ensure that whatever be the choice, it is the woman’s to make. It is not something that she should be coerced into or criticized about. This includes any kind of choice- marrying for money, marrying for love, marrying for (insert reason), not having a career, having a career…etc. Now, by all means you may disagree with what the author has to say…but to say things like her husband will probably leave her for a younger model- damn, how sexist does that make you sound?

Yeah.  Well don’t be surprised when the rich guy says one of his “core values” is hotness.

Yeah.  Well don’t be surprised when the rich guy says one of his “core values” is hotness.

Good point on how easy $1M is spent (even after allowing for the “investable assets” qualifier). What happens when her (almost assuredly older) husband decides he’s tired of working his butt off and wants to retire?

Hey all you shallow superficial women out there, marrying rich is not a way to garuntee happiness.The money could easily disappear as fast as it was made…then what,divore? what about marrying a good upstanding guy who treats you very well and just works hard!

marrying rich is the new norm…it’s not do we love each other, it’s how much money do you make…the dream of the 21st century.

What a fuckin’ gold digger. So much for “equality” Let the man do all the work, while you sit back and relax, and reap in all the rewards. Vampires are more generous that you are.

“whatever be the choice, it is the woman’s to make.”

but if the “husband will probably leave her for a younger model” why isn’t it then the man’s “choice?” 

Double standards, anyone?

A woman is “incapacitated” by childbirth? Funny, aren’t there 6 billion people on this planet? That’s a lot of incapacitation going on there.

At 23, it seems like you have a lot to learn. I agree that finances are a big factor in marriage, but I think your approach to managing finances is a much more important factor than the amount of money available to you. What good is earning $150,000 a year if you’re spending $200,000?

I think as you mature, you may see that money is not be-all and end-all of happiness. I agree that being able to buy luxurious items is great, but having to go without those things will make you appreciate them more later on when you and your husband have worked to earn them. No one should have everything handed to them in their twenties – what do you have to look forward to?

In any case, I hope you find what you are looking for and that you are happy.

I agree!!! Until I made the choice to stay home with our kids, my husband and I made similar salaries. I felt so proud the day I went to the dealership and bought a car with money I had earned myself. It’s important to be able to support yourself.

Unfortunately for you, lots of other women have the same strategy, and there simply aren’t enough high-earning men out there to go around. Good luck, though. 

You’re shallow and I don’t like you because of that.

So thats fine, if you are going to marry “just for money” its then OK for us men to marry women “just for looks”. So you needn’t apply unless you have a rack of the likes of Pamela Anderson, or the Fanny of the likes of J-Lo.

Emilia, I can understand and relate to the your POV, probably because I come from a family with seriously yoyo-ing finances and am not much older than you:) However, I came to realize that looking for shortcuts to ‘true happiness’ based on income is a waste of time- especially because of the volatility of the economy.

And hey! I fell head over heels in love with my husband, and it doesn’t matter to me that he doesn’t make 300,000 a year- that’s completely normal for 20-somethings just starting out in life. He has a stable, rising career and I’m working part-time while I finish my Master’s. I’m not paranoid about owning my dream home already or flying to Europe five times a year, or having kids right now, either- it’s not the right time yet for any of those things. I found the guy I want to get there with, though- to build an exciting, happy and fulfilling life with- that’s what you get married for. Not for the ‘now’, for the ‘me’, for the pretty things- but for the forever.

I have no skills with money management and so yes, to some degree, it would be nice to have an ATM on legs. But I would never trade my husband in for that! Maybe we won’t have a couple of summer homes to choose from or bi-annual cruises before we hit our 40′s, maybe we’ll have to skimp on clothes throughout the next 5-10 years if we want to go on months-long vacations or stay at deluxe hotels just because, but we’ll always have our mutual love and support, respect for each other and solid work ethics. As boring as that sounds, hon, that’s what stays with you. Through the ups and downs, what makes life worthwhile, at least for me, is having the right person to share it all with.

Babe, if you can find that guy, the one who will love you as much as you love him, no matter what, through thick and thin, and he happens to already have a 300K income and the minimum million dollars in assets by the time you meet, kudos to you! Really! I just don’t think you’ll find that kind of commitment if your primary criteria is his money. I’m not saying run back to a douchebag ex who couldn’t get his life together but who you really cared about. Definitely look out for yourself and avoid jerks and guys who’ll sink you- but don’t try to put a price on marriage. It may be a contract, but it’s not about money.

I think the commenter was referring to short-term incapacitation, inability to defend oneself etc. In cavemen times, who knows how much more difficult childbirth was than it is today? If bleeding, delirious-with-pain new mothers didn’t have someone providing for them, they literally would starve to death.

I’m pretty sure we’re talking about evolutionary survival instincts here:) Not 21st century moms who pop in to private clinics at the time and date of their choosing for a quick C-section.

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard tobelieve that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.”I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

You, Dear Madam, are nothing more than a prostitute.

High earning men, like myself, have decided that hiring the real thing is far less dangerous than marrying one …

Emilia is an excellent representative of the modern american woman – narcissistic and nasty. If you were a man, would you want to marry this woman?

I sure hope she’s hot or good in bed, because she needs something to use as a lure for the guy she’s trying to dupe into marrying her.  Nothing wrong with being a stay at home mother, but why then did you go to college?  I sure hope you didn’t get your education at the expense of tax payers.

Emilia – better hope he’s blind!

GOLD DIGGER.  That’s what you are.  Why should any man want to agree to such an arrangment with you?  Or will he be unwittingly “tricked” into thinking that you care for more than the size of his wallet? 

 I have two words for you:  PRENUPTUAL AGREEMENTS.  No educated man or woman with the assets you describe would enter into a marriage in this day and age without one.  I guess you could try to find a really old dude like Anna Nicole Smith did — that might be your ticket.

What you describe as “honesty” is really just a window into your value system (or lack thereof).  I hope you are going to be “honest” with your potential suitors with what you are after.  To not have to work for money, to not have to work at your relationships, to not have to work or exert yourself for anything in life. What kind of person thinks that way? 

One of the biggest groups of poverty are divorced women with children who thought they had the golden ticket, too!

Grow up.  Get a job.  Get a life. Get a soul.

My mother – a staunch feminist in her own right, like me – taught my sisters and me that before anything else, we had to be financially independent.  That doesn’t mean marrying rich, which is a fundamentally dependent position.  Look at the stock market these days, and look at the divorce rate.  Rich husbands leave.  Investments dry up.  Relying on someone else’s charity is a good way to end up impoverished.

Emilia is a single 23-year-old currently working in marketing who chose NYC for its abundance of available money.

This is the amusing part, since NYC is one of those places where single men are heavily outnumbered by single women, meaning there’s no reason to buy the cow.

The kind of girl I’ve been looking for all my life.

You seem like one of those guys on millionare matchmaker…single even though you have money. probably fat and bald too

I think that it’s great to aspire to raise a family comfortably, and I think that when I have children I will cut back my work hours, assuming that my husband and I can afford it. My mom was a stay at home mom, and I can’t imagine growing up any other way. However, financial independence is really important, if you find yourself in a sticky situation (abusive husband) where do you go from there? The reason why divorce rates are going up, is because more women are working and they aren’t forced to remain in an unhappy/bad marriage just because of the money factor.

Women “marrying up;” how about men start marrying up? Learn to start taking, boys.

we live in a gynocentric society that favours women over men. Thanks to an education system that is completely resistant to teaching our sons in ways that will aid their development (we’d rather tell them from an early age how little boys are latent sexual predators), women earn more college degrees, earn more professional degrees, and single white females earn more money than any other group in the 20s and 30s age cohort (this will start manifesting itself at the senior levels of corporate america in another 20 years or so – which will only hasten the eagerly-anticipated american decline). Men are the ones who need to start learning how to take from a spouse – particularly since our society does so little for them. Look at the popular images of men, look at the vaginacentric education system, look at affirmative action, speech codes, reproductive rights issues (fathers, like the unborn, simply do not exist in the discussion), “sexual harassment” (a weapon women use against men), rape fraud (its ubiquitous in our society and another weapon women use), and the whole elaborate architecture jewesses and white females have created to advantage themselves. Men need to act, well, like women act. What is really stupefying is that, inspite of the war against boys, the jewesses and white females continue to blame the victim (men). I guess, like everything else, “blaming the victim” is only applicable when it’s a women allegedly being victimized.
 
I am stunned that more men don’t shoot more (white) women. It’s a credit to them. 

don’t be jealous, Kelly, that a rich man has brains, too. You’re a whore and so are your friends. If I buy you, you deserve to be treated like something I own. Why, by the way, would any man marry an american female? Personally, I’d shoot you but, since I value my life and my freedom, the least I can do for myself is avoid marrying the swinish likes of you.

Em…I couldn’t agree with you or your mom more. I totally get where you’re coming from, you just want to be able to be afr yo give your children acess to the best in the world and opportunities that you were not privy to. Believe me I know what it is like to go without. But I also think while planning on marrying wealthy, you should have something to bring to the t able more than a pretty face and a B.A. What does your investment portfolio look like?

I wouldn’t marry her, but I’d go along making her think she was going to get the mother load and then I’d give her my “load” right across her homely chin.

I can relate to your POV, but I don’t agree completely. I’m 21 years old and currently dating a man who’s well off. He spoils the hell out of me and treats me very nicely, and honestly I hate the idea of going back to dating the average man with an average income. 

That said, I’m not simply with him for his money and I have every intention of finishing my education and having a career of my own. My mother always taught me that depending on a man is like begging to be divorced and unemployed. If you have nothing to contribute financially to a relationship, what’s the point of even having you around? And with divorce rates as high as they are, you really have to anticipate the “what if”s of marriage. If you’ve been living off of a man and popping out kids and he suddenly leaves you for another woman, you’re screwed. 

So, while I love having a rich boyfriend and I plan on continuing to date guys who are financially well-off, I have every intention of making myself financially valuable to my future family.

You make an excellent point. I live in Los Angeles and not only am I beautiful, but I’m young and I’ve got a group of young, beautiful friends, too. Men wear their expensive watches, drive their flashy cars, and buy $1500+ bottle service at clubs for the SOLE purpose of picking women off the dance floor to sit/dance at their table. Many wealthy men ask for it, especially in cities like LA and NYC. But, I’m a smart woman with a head on my shoulders, so I know better than to go for the bait.

Pragmatic.

You’ll notice that she didn’t say that money is the primary or only factor in her dating choices, just that it’s a consideration. She wants her family to be financially stable, and as she plans to be a stay-at-home mother, that leaves the burden to her husband. It’s a very simple outlook and condition, and she’s not at all saying that she’d marry any man with money who came her way. How is this any different from having a certain physical type preference, or a preference in personality or interests? It’s just a consideration, one of many, many factors at play when choosing a partner. All of these nasty comments about her being a bad, shallow, or stupid person clearly didn’t actually read the article for what it was.

Richdude has the best reply to this article yet. Any woman who has this point of view is labeled a “gold digger”. If Emilia is so confident about finishing her education and having a career of her own, why should she care if her man has money anyways? Cut the Bull&$it Emilia!! If you ARE an independent woman, then you wealth wouldnt and shouldnt be a consideration in choosing a man.

As a guy, i have no problem with a women dating for money.  I think its more common these days anyway and acccepted.  The problem i have with is this, you are normally dating “average” men , while  making your way up the ladder, who in some cases really are not aware that they are merely a “stepping stone”.  Maybe the first thing out of a women’s mouth should be “i am only available to men who make 300k a year and above, with $1,000,000 in investable assetts” ‘  You could say it, and those who “like a challenge” may still try to woo you. Its like a guy saying ”i am just trying to get laid”.  You know what he is about from the start.   I have more respect for women who make sure there are not doubts or misunderstandings about their intentions when it comes to men.. If you want a rich man, then you have to be around rich people. Dont spend time with me, as ”something to do” until the rich man comes around. I could be your friend. if 99% of the women in the world are after 1% of the men with means that fit the “rich” description, and if that 1% of men are looking for the top 1% of women (usually based on looks), where do most women fit into this?  Will i be rich? probably not, unless my 401k surprises me when i retire. The real question is probably do you date?  Honestly?  i havent had a “real date” in years.  “Real date” meaning someone genuinely interested in me for more than just resources.  6 years to be exact.  I realize that i am not “economically viable” in the majority of women’s eyes.  I only  about 60k a year, its enough for me, but not for women.   

I noticed she published this under a psuedonym, this tells me she at least feels if she doesn’t understand the shame in her materialistic outlook. I’m not in that 1 % of men she considers viable, but if I were, knowing her mercenary bent, and yes doing anything for money is a mercenary venture, I’d have to inform her she doesn’t make the 1 % of women I’m interested in based on her looks.

The conundrum with women wanting to marry rich is that no guy wants to marry poor.  I’m not talking about just extremely wealthy individuals, but just a typical successful guy.  Your top 5%, 6 figure wage earner.  Here’s a guy who makes a solid amount of money, but not enough to support a bunch of freeloading in-laws.  Not to mention the unfortunate reality that poor people tend to be obsessed with money to an unhealthy degree, yet incapable of generating any on their own.  Marrying a poor woman is almost always going to be a horrible experience for the guy, and thus we are at an impasse with the woman who wants to marry rich.  

i can’t believe you literally cut and pasted a much publicized post from Craigslist and now attempt to pass it off as your own.  Emila may be a gold digger (I actually don’t think she is) but you are a blatant plagiarizer.  

The way I see it is I refuse to entertain the company of a significant other who expects me to spoil her with my money.  There’s no joy in that.  I’d much rather spoil her knowing that if my money was gone she’d still stay with me.  A woman who will stick around even if there weren’t excess money is the one worth marrying and worth making the effort to be sure there IS money to spoil her with.

Sorry but girls with attitude’s like Emilia don’t make the cut.  The only guys willing to take a chance on her will be the ones equally as shallow, and they won’t be keeping her around later in life…

This was the best post so far!  This article was written to stir us up and boost ratings.  It was successful  in doing just that.  My wife was a Vegas Show Girl and Stunt woman and she married me as a student when she was 23 y/o.  She quit show business as women are frequently asked to sleep their way to the top.  She went to cosmetology school and I went into health care.  We struggled for many years wondering how we would pay the bills.  We now live in a very affluent community. We own our home, luxury cars, expensive toys to include our own airplane (which she bought).  She makes double what I do and we have been very happy together for 30 years and things get better every day!  Our son is a great person and we love him very much.  All this stuff spells success to many people but our success was the fact that we work together, love each other more than ourselves a put God in the center of our home and relationship.  If you are in your 20′s looking for a mate, look for someone who is kind to everyone, loves peace, works hard and treats you with dignity and respect.  You will be wealthy beyond your imagination.  Remember that the few years we get to live this life on earth is but a drop in the bucket compare to eternity.  Build your treasures in Heaven!!

This is exactly what out TV/media has been teaching us and our kids for the past 40 years.  This “woman” is an aberrational narcissist, a sign of marked devolving of any core value of family  honor, truth, or the gift of love. Money, and people like this who worship it, are destined for devolution as a gene line.

Your a sick witch…

Sorry, you’re one too… no matter how you look at it, that IS exactly what is happening, she would choose someone who has money, maybe over a poor soul mate… 

Heartless, what did mommy teach princess, anyway?  Sounds like some real housewives episode – sick sick people…

“…every form of refuge has its price…”

M-cakes, you wrote “I plan on continuing to date guys who are financially well-off…” —– I sure bet your “rich” boyfriend is happy you have his sh *t-canning already planned when numero dos comes around – you really don’t see your materialistic shallowness, brainwashed into you by your well-meaning mother?

Maybe you could not do what mommy said, and simply love the guy, have a great life and forget the damn materialistic nonsense.  Naw, you drank the Kool-Aid already. Next Season of Jersey Shore is right around the corner – maybe you can get acrylics and paint them with little flowers, then date your next trick.

You have already established what you are, now al that’s left is you haggling over the price… You gold-digger types have always been quite disturbing.

“Nothing so give the illusion of intelligence than one’s association with large sums of money.”

“soul mate?” I suppose you demand “unconditional love”, too, Oprah. .  The woman is a realist, she’s normal, she’s not demanding to be a spoiled princess in a private jet, she’s just making it clear she doesn’t intend to support a guy nor be threatened with poverty.  She is normal, most women with any options think about a guy’s resources at least as much as she does, and she’s to be applauded for not being a hypocritical liar about it, as many do. 

ok, I wrote that before I saw the 300k income and 1000k investments part.  A million in assets isn’t rich, it’s an unspectacular retirement fund for a guy with no pension.  The 300k annual pull is pretty ambitious, and I agree she’s risking missing alot of good guys in favor of weasels aiming for that much, but still, her call. 

Well, I don’t make 300k, but I still pull in a handsome 6 figures.  To me, a 23 year old with a bachelors degree (or even a masters in something like psychology, communications, philosophy, etc…) and little money of her own (or earning potential), is not to be taken seriously.  Differences in incomes do cause friction inside of both marriage and long term relationships that are similar in nature (to marriage).  It is common for there to be significant guilt on the part of the low earner, and significant anger on the part of the high earner; and this does lead to divorce.  Thus to do what is best for the happiness, longevity and solvency of my future family, I am only interested in women who are roughly my equal, in terms of income, education, and intelligence, when considering marriage.  If I were to marry a woman that is my equal, then we very well could be the 300k income team, the author pines for.  And now that real estate prices are starting to correct, even that amount seems fairly excessive, in terms of having a well-to-do life. 

Of course the only credible way of “valuing money” is to actually get out there, earn some money, and live on your earnings over a significant period of time without relying upon anyone else.  I have several colleagues who are female and live with their parents, who throw money around like they are 3 times richer than their incomes dictate.  If I still lived with my parents, I would be a millionaire several times over, here in a few years, because I know the value of saving and investing.  My colleagues do not.  They take weekend trips from LA to NY to see friends, go on extravagant European vacations, shop for things that aren’t necessities (1k purses, 500 dollar shoes, etc..), waste money on luxury cars (and their maintenance – that’s where they get you!), and run up huge bar and restaurant tabs on a weekly basis.      

The author makes a flawed argument that she doesn’t want to compromise “family and home” with a job.  This assumes that a working woman still bares the bulk of the responsibility for running a household, and domestically caring for children and her husband; and that a husband is not capable of committing to a fair share of such work.  Here she shows her true anti-feminist colors.  It’s also a bit silly to categorize “home and family” as two separate entities competing for time against her theoretical job.  Such is just an argumentative trick to artificially over-weigh domestic responsibility, making it seem less possible to “have it all”.  I know plenty of families where – again I hit on the idea of equality leading to happy marriage – each spouse helps out domestically and financially, in an equal manner.                                 

In 100% of the instances I can think of, regarding personal acquaintances, every time that a high earning, highly educated man has married a low earning, uneducated or barely educated woman, it has resulted in divorce.  And regardless of pre-nup agreements, it has always cost the man dearly (if a pre-nup is seen as “unfairly” favoring one party by the court, then it can be worked around).  Four of these cases are doctors, and two are lawyers, who all went for young, attractive females with “great personalities”.  Turns out their looks fade with age and children, their personalities darken in the midst of years of domestic slavery.  A woman who cannot exercise her mind and experience work related achievement, often turns to purchasing material goods to feel a sense of achievement.  She’ll rationalize it as for the good of the family and kids (new shoes for kids, a living room redecoration for the home, a new dress to keep him interested, etc…).                              

I read this again this morning.  I think, or hope,  those who are slamming this woman as a soulless gold digger just didn’t read this carefully.  Despite her discouraging finale, perhaps ironically accepting condemnation as lacking in virtue, she displays the virtue of insight, acknowledging that contemporary women believing they entitled to “have it all”, or are even likely to earn “it all” whether entitled or not, are delusional.  Nobody can expect a successful professional career, an adoring soulmate of a financially successful husband, children well raised by herself, a Martha Stewart house, awesome relationship with her family of origin, and circle of adoring girlfriends.  Yet, this vision is sold to women commercially by purveyors of the information and the products to flesh out this bourgeois heaven.  Emila calls bullshit, and chooses to make her play for what is good and possible for her.  

Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger
But she ain’t messin’ wit no broke, broke
Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger 
But she ain’t messin’ wit no broke, broke
Get down girl, go ‘head get downShe was supposed to buy ya shorty Tyco with ya moneyShe went to the doctor got lipo with ya moneyShe walkin’ around lookin’ like Michael with ya moneyShoulda’ got that insured, GEICO for ya moneeey(your money)If you ain’t no punk holla’ we want pre-nupWE WANT PRE-NUP!, yeahIt’s something that you need to have

its a fact of life that women marry for money. just remember, that a guy with money has lots of options… and while you married for money, dont be surprised when you get traded in for a younger, hotter model in a few years, because he married for the trophy too. (except a man with money, can afford to put a few “toys” up in their own apartments”)

Women who marry up almost always get dropped down after 30 . . . that’s a fact. No amount of cosmetic surgery can compare to a fresh, 19 year old college girl that wants a Sugar Daddy. This young woman has about 7 good years left in her . . . and to echo Dave, her trade in value goes down precipitously every year. So ladies, if you are marrying for money, the you must accept that your motives will be matched by the groom: he is marrying a hot piece. His money – in most cases – grows. Her beauty diminishes. And don’t fool yourselves . . . your man is not oblivious to the reason why you are marrying him, despite the general obliviousness of men that’s portrayed in the media. No. He knows. He didn’t get rich – once again, in most cases – by being an unaware person. More than likely he is astute, driven, intelligent and very good at picking up on your money-lust. He’ll accept you if you’re exceptionally hot. But he’ll drop you the minute that 19 year old beauty bats her lashes at him . . . and by drop, I don’t necessarily mean divorce – I mean he will literally be sharing the wealth with another woman (or women). So, if you can accept that the value of your booty only goes so far, and that you will more than likely never corner his total wealth, and that said wealth will be inevitably shared with a younger, hotter woman, then go for it!

It seems that the social contract is broken if putting food on the table and providing security for our families is more practically and readily achieved through marriage or inheritance than through work. I do hope that this is not the case.

She says she values financial acumen, but demands that her partner be the one to provide the finances.  It’s not aspiring to marry a high earner that’s repulsive about her goal, it’s her sheer freeloading sloth.

When people are turned off by this attitude, it’s because they recognize that everybody needs to bring -something- to the family table, and she’s decided that for whatever reason, she doesn’t need to, especially if she can fool some rich guy into bringing it all by himself.

That is, unless she’s implying that her wit/beauty/sheer presence is a fair trade for his financial protection- in which case, I hope she’s both eternally youthfu and has read the Kama Sutra 15 times because her personality is frankly pretty vile.

must you slam the arts?? A jerk like you NEEDS a good psychologist.

I agree with her definition of “rich”.    MONETARILY.  Robert Frank’s “Richistan” defines $1M in “investable assets” as the bottom of that class.   It’s hard to know how few households make $300K/year, but only 1.17% make $200,000  (IRS), so clearly it’s a fraction of one percent.    Imposing BOTH requirements (she wrote “and”) probably takes her down to a small fraction.

So, she’s willing to ignore a good 99.8% of husband candidates, setting a high bar.   (New York is the best hunting grounds available to her, reducing the number to about 99%.) I think she’s WAY up the curve of diminishing returns.   It’s characteristic of people her age to imagine such levels of wealth are a bowl of cherries, but those of us who’ve climbed the ladder to a six-figure income understand it has a high price of its own.

Her husband is unlikely to have much time for her, especially after physical passions have cooled; the majority of candidates left to her are in time-demanding jobs like physician and lawyer and manager of a self-owned business.  They’ll have even less time for the kids.

Her point about money making life easier and the family more secure is flawlessly rational and sensible.  But past a point of diminishing returns, there’s little additional security to be had once one has the basics plus decent education, insurance, medical care.   One is more likely to produce successful children by spending an extra hour a day with them than an extra hundred dollars per day on them.

I suspect the happy medium, where one has enough money and a reasonable amount of free time, happens in most careers just short of six figures, not well over them.  The lady needs a more holistic definition of “rich”.

You cannot spell. It’s you’re, not your. Perhaps you should consider a degree in communications!

Sad.

       No wonder im seeing advertisements for Ukrainian women more and more. Business must be BOOMING. 
       First of all intentional testing shows that Americans on average are much more ignorant than people from many other countries, this of course would apply to both women and men. Also we know obesity rates in america are off the charts (also applies to both men and women). Its also worth pointing out that american women have horrible skin/complexions for the same reasons that they’re fat. 
       Now unhealthy lifestyles and lack of intellectual capability are almost always consequences of poor self control, poor work ethic and BAD CHOICES. Not only that this article points out how many american wives love their husbands about as much as a prostitute loves her john. Any man trying to find a decent wife in america will have to spend many, many hours a week at bars/clubs/dating sites for roughly a decade just to even MEET a competent woman (yes, the odds really are that bad), much less win her heart. 
       I will never take for granted how lucky i was to be able to afford to travel the world and find a good woman from a “traditional” culture. We have been married for 14 years now and were still madly in love. Not only that i got to spend my 20′s on my arts, studies and other hobbies instead of putting up with all the ignorant, overweight whores that dominate the american dating scene.
       So take it from me men, it is soooo worth it to work your ass off improving yourself and saving up money to be able to find a good wife from Asia or eastern Europe. Do not, i repeat DO NOT make the mistake of marrying one of these prostitutes (seriously, just LOOK at divorce rates) 

PREACH IT BROTHER!

I am an American woman and I actually agree with this. I found a wonderful hubby a few years ago and I don’t feel like i had any competition at all. I don’t even consider myself that pretty, though I do stay in shape. My husband’s friends are constantly telling him how unbelievably lucky they think he is ( but I know luck had nothing to do with it ;) ) 
Seriously though, If you aren’t lucky enough  find a good husband (or wife) by the time your 25 then you need to start looking in other countries because decent american women (or men) really are that rare.

I know a woman who married for money. She’s still married to him, although I’d bet my bank account she’s had more than one boyfriend on the side. But hey, she’s happy, so long as her wimp doctor husband delivers the bacon in the quantity he can supply. Of course, not really loving her husband is something she has to hide from her children. That’s really mission impossible in my view. Children always know deep down, and they always live out their parents’ shameful secrets. I predict that when she passes from this world, no one will shed the first tear.  

Actually, Steve, while I agree about the TV/media comments, I’m personally acquainted with several women who married for money. Some of them were prolific breeders. The problem won’t really be a devolution of their gene lines so much as they will be dealing with mentally ill children, grandchildren, etc. But then, maybe that’s what you were trying to say in the first place.    

And what are her contributions to the marriage, other than a sassy mouth and a monstrous egocentrism?  For her ambition’s sake, I hope she’s better in bed than a porn star and more eager than a young bunny in spring.  I’ve dumped far smarter and prettier when I got even a hint that they were really after my money. 

This is an amusing article and sure to gather comments for months to come.  General observation: This woman comes across as naive and shallow and has a lot of growing up to do.  Since women have been marrying up (out of necessary) before feminism, it seems unlikely that they doubled that behavior in the last few years.  On the contrary, many are not marrying at all when they’re unable to find the ideal mate and for successful men, there’s more than enough women for them to pick from.  So this woman is a really small fish in a big pond with lots of other fish. 
What her, and many women’s idea of, feminism is greed and selfishness.  Men still have a few advantages: Even poorer men have time to get their act together and build a middle class lifestyle and marry in their 30′s or even 40′s but women with entitlement attitudes who think they can marry a rich guy and then divorce him if he trades her in hit their 30′s and find themselves facing the rest of their life filled with disappointment.  Certainly, they can go to a sperm bank and pay for everything themselves but that’s the opposite of their childhood dream of a man footing the bills, isn’t it?  We’re sure to see more of these articles to come as these women come to grips with the world not revolving around pleasing them.

Having an income of at least $300,000 per year and $1,000,000+ in investable assets eliminates a lot of worries but can also cause a lot of worries.  Even Mike Tyson let $400 million slide through his hands. But I guess his ex-wife got some of it.

It’s ridiculous that there’s such a social stigma against marrying someone very successful and having a comfortable life.  My fiance is well on his way to earning the author’s salary cutoff, and comes from a good family, while I grew up on a housing project.  But, I have my own career and set of ambitions.  I’m just attracted to men (a man in particular) who’s ridiculously smart and has the same values about career and financial stability.  And having the nice apartment helps the relationship flow better, too.

Honeychild, do you really have that much to give?  And furthermore- “rich” and “in love” aren’t mutually exclusive (but perhaps your misogyny drives most genuine women away).  As she points out, financial stability is something she seeks in life, and neither she, nor I, are afraid to admit it.

In Japan, women marrying for money and social status are very common and predominant, and saying so is not a social taboo. If your happiness is correlated with the income, then marrying for money is very important and logical choice. Some might think marring for money is same as prostitution, however prostitution should not be viewed negatively.

Coward. Afraid to attach your name to your opinion…

Emilia, I wholeheartedly agree with your position to marry for value. As you have clearly stated that value for you is monetary wealth; more precisely $300K+ income per annum and $1M in investable assets. For me, a 31year old business owner and financier I also marry a woman for value. Although I don’t place value on her ability to provide income or hold wealth, I do place value in her looks and physique. To be precise I’m looking for 34/36-23-33 no older than 33 years of age.  And I have to tell you most men that fall in line with your monetary requirements don’t think much different than me. The thing is that our value typically tends to increase yours will only decrease! But you are beautiful (for now) and a very young 23. I will have my attorneys send you a letter of intent for a 10 year lease.  We can do a market analysis to see what your salvage value at the end of the lease and I can write you a check for that amount now, of course taking into consideration the PV of a future sum.  One more question honey, with leases the assets have to be unused!

Well good luck ladies.  I went to college got a good degree and now get paid a significant salary.  However, in the last few years more is required of me to succeed.  More resposibility, more time, more stress, and less living.  I don’t want a woman, who cannot contribute financially, to add more financial burden on my shoulders.  The world has changed.  I have a particular lifestyle and I intend to keep it that way.  Of course, there is always some compromise but that compromise won’t entail my life being more difficult while a gold digger’s life gets better.  Also, I’m in the top 10% of US earners.

What you write about in this article is nothing new in Asian societies. Look at Chinese people in particular, whether it be in Hong Kong, Singapore, or China or Chinese abroad, money is a deal breaker in selecting life partners. Its not a matter of greed or being a gold digger, but the idea is, if you come from money, you’re looking for money, and even if you’re coming from not so much money, you wanna’ marry for more money. 

Money offers security primarily. A husband that can earn his worth or more is highly looked upon. And like what you have said, these Asian women looking to “marry up” are highly educated, Ivy graduates who have a career of their own, but who realize that raising their kids personally at home, and tending to their homes is a priority over the corporate ladder. 

Put it simply, find a man who can make a lot of money, without sacrificing all the other qualities you look for in a man, and the wife will concentrate on making the home the best sanctuary she can, while at the same time, giving her the luxury of time and money.

In Asia rich men look for beautiful women and beautiful women while in their prime look for the richest handsome men possible to marry. This is all not new and strange, been going on for thousands of years. This is the Asian way of doing things. Its only normal. Men love beautiful girls, logically the richest ones will attract the prettiest ones. Conversely, all women like security and thus the most beautiful ones will attract the ones with the most money.

And this is not a secret, nor is it a shame to admit it. I don’t really get why all this is such a big deal in America. I guess in America, one is supposed to marry for “love”. But there is a Chinese saying, “love” alone doesn’t put food on the table. Money does. 

I believe the same thing goes on in Russia too. I think the feminist movement has made male-female relationship odd in the US.

It all goes back to family values and education. I’m Asian and my wife is Asian. As a man, I was taught to work hard and respect your wife and parents. As a woman, she’s been taught to take care of the family, food on the table everyday, kids taken care of, houseworks all done, and to respect your man, its the Confucian way. If every wife and husband fulfills each of their role, the family is harmonious. 

In America, this is not the case. The woman wants to be man and the man wants to be a woman. Sometimes, man has surgery to become a woman and vice versa. Then man wants to marry man, and woman wants to marry woman. It becomes complicated. And then they divorce, children left with not one to teach them otherwise. So they grow up, and think I want sex change tomorrow. Sigh…

To be expected.  It’s economics, and I can’t fault that.  I must ask though, what is SHE bringing to the transaction?  Her body, sexual athleticism, what?  Her economic bar is fairly high, and if she is not bringing a similar level of capital to the partnership she must bring something else.  Sorry, but technique and physique are all too common a commodity, and shame on we males for thinking they’re worth our hard earned capital.  They’re not.  I can appreciate a feminist, but I expect her to be realistic about equality.  I’ll treat her as a person same as I, and in terms of matrimony will appraise her as a potential business partner which she certainly is.  Looking good for me and compliance in bed is a very poor trade for my income and investable assets.

Seems logical. Two things:

1) At 23 years of age you have limited experience on what type of person constitutes a putative spouse. Why not keep dating but keep the financial considerations in mind as you date different men.

2) Why not better yourself, your career and seek out the personal wealth you (understandably) covet. I suppose I would rather make money than marry to it.

Pathetic article from a future divorcee. Thanks for setting your gender back 50 years! You do nothing to accelerate society. You’re educated, huh? Went to a university? I’m sure your daddy is really proud of his little girl spending all his money for a wasted education just so she can move on to the next man in her life and spend his cash as well. You’re a societal leech.

You give all women a bad name, grow the F up and get a job like everyone else, you prostitute.

This is a societally acceptable form of prostitution, however, this behavior should be referred ot what it really is, which is bare-bones explicit prostitution. You are selling yourself to the highest bidder, as you poignantly said yourself.

The reasons this is prostitution are the following:

1. This behavior is mostly exclusive to women, women are primarily able to do this (about 2% vice versa with men sponging off women). As women can make money easy from sex (there’s far more female prostitutes than male prostitutes), they can just as easily slither their way into being a lazy kept “woman of leisure” with the guy paying for everything. Men can’t do this because a woman can get sex at anytime, and a man can’t (so he pays in dating, etc).

2. Younger and beautiful women get more money. Guess why rich men are paying for them. This derives into the prostitution market where the best-looking women get more money. Another disparate parallel between marriage & prostitution.

3. Why do men do this? Why do men put themselves in this grave financial risk of losing half after all their strenuous hellacious hard work? Men typically marry for access to sex (the middle-aged bachelor is very likely going without). He can’t get sex as easy as a woman can (she can get sex in a matter of minutes at any time, a man after college typically has to pay for multiple dates & flowers & grovel to her)

———-

ALL THIS SAID, what you are doing is prostitution. You should have a little bit more class & respect for yourself. Any woman who strives to marry rich to escape hard work is selling herself as a sex object. I don’t give a crap how unpopular this truth is, because the reason it’s unpopular is that these women are all in denial and want to live expedient lives and NOT be called on for it, under the rubric & veneer of “tradition” and “chivalry”. People who don’t live in denial can easily see through the BS, but liars who are afraid to deal with cognitive dissonance will continue to perpetuate the charade.

How would you feel if your husband was at home doing whatever he wanted…while you worked supporting him? You would be mad and divorce him immediately.

So why should anybody here feel different when YOU aspire to be the leech? It sickening that you are seeking a way where you don’t have to wake up at 7:00 AM like a responsible adult, and not work like the rest of all responsible grown up adults. 

You parasitic lazy dishonest prostitute.

I like the above article, and agree with the writer. If a woman wants to be a home-maker, her husband is really a lucky person. Not everyone enjoys maintaining a clean, well-cared-for home, a haven for her family. Remember, “a man’s work is from sun to sun, but a woman’s work is never done”. Marrying for love OR for the status and decent lifestyle that a man’s income will make possible, are not very different. Looking around American and other western societies and looking at the divorce rates, how long do those who marry for love STAY IN LOVE. Human beings are the most fickle of God’s creation. People love and hate the same person within no time. 

There are strong marriages based on convenience, where the partners grow to love one another and stay together till death. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of when both partners select their mate based on the qualities they want in their partner, including financial  security, good health, good looks, high level of education, family background and other 
factors. Both partners think of heredity and how their future children would look, what they would grow up to be, etc. Compatibility and love NEED TO BE WORKED ON. 

Hey, you are being too hard on the writer, and impetuously deciding about her character! 

I believe more devoted wives and moms staying at home because they passionately believe that they can provide their husband and children with a haven to come home to is absolutely great… Most women also take pride in maintaining a lovely home, and honing their cooking and other domestic skills. This makes for more economical living, and a more loving home where at least one partner is not totally stressed working both at home and outside. The husband also gets more free time this way. 

All the cases of unmarried parents, single mothers, wayward children getting addicted to drugs and alcohol, etc can be prevented by a caring parent at home. The statistics state 2000 children go missing every day in the United States. Somebody responsible to care for them is required, and who better than the mother..? Further, educated mothers sure help their children do well in school, and take pride in seeing their children come out in flying colors in all that they do. 

You’re an idiot. Whatever happened to common sense? I want to stay at home so my children will know me as a mother that would do anything for them including in my case sacrifice my career goals to instead pursue the most important job I’ll ever have. As opposed to them seeing the caring smiling face of a paid caretaker..which there is nothing wrong with but that is my decision.  In order to stay home it is quite obvious that my husband needs to be able to provide a comfortable salary and naturally a bit more money is convenient and comfortable so I would say that is preferable. To claim that is prostitution is sad, maybe in an extreme case for millions that would be more understandable but for any woman that prefers more money in their marriage? Nonsense.

How about getting a job, you lazy bum? Stop being dependent on other people for your sustenance. Welfare recipients abuse this, hipsters who live with their parents abuse this because they’re lazy as hell, and so are you. You are no better. How much housewives are playing on the internet for 80% of the day.

How about getting an education and studying hard, you retarded idiot. No wonder you want to get out of work, LMFAO and looking for a more intelligent guy to pay your bills, hahahahahaha.

If staying at home is so honorable as you’re putting it, why do you not mention the possibility of your husband staying at home? BECAUSE WOMEN WHO DO THIS ARE LAZY AND PRIMARILY DO NOT WANT TO WORK IN A JOB!!! You want the easy life yourself.

What a sexist comment “… a woman’s work is never done.”  I can’t take you any more seriously than a man saying ” a woman’s place is in the kitchen”.

It is not meant to be a sexist comment. It is a common proverb that I quoted.  It may have applied to an older era in time, when men’s roles and women’s roles were clearly demarcated, both partners respected and valued each other, and people were much happier than they are today. Depression, stress, lack of respect for each other and other ailments belong to today’s world. Besides, the writer of the article is being ridiculed for her practical approach in contrast  to “marrying for love”. As I said earlier, how many people who marry for love stay in love…? The high divorce rates in western societies speak for themselves. Love like any other emotion is highly fickle, one loves, hates, loves, hates, the same person again and again. Enduring love and respect between husband and wife has to be worked on and built with attention and care for a couple to enjoy their old age together. When ‘individualism’ gives way to ‘collectivism’ more enduring relationships are possible. 

One more thing, in today’s world a wife who prefers to be a housewife may not be similar to our mothers and grandmothers. Staying online most of the day, neglecting her duties in the care of the children, the house and other jobs, and expecting her husband who is working to make a living for the family to pitch in whenever he is at home, does not bode well for her. Therein start the problems. It is better to plan out one’s own and the partner’s duties, to mutual satisfaction. 

Its been going on for years , women trade their looks for mens wealth , Just look at Trump
Does anyone really believe she wouldnt trade him in for a hot guy her own age if he had money . I find it more offensive that men think even for a minute when a beutiful women marries a older man with money , that she is really in love with him . Come on guys . seriously you believe she is in love with him
I knew of several hotties who married rich and slept with the pool guy
looks are a commonity , very tradable
 

I whole heartedly agree,  We( women) also need to protect our children because it has been more then proven that “average” men as income earners on a lower scale , cannot or simply will not help in raising his own off spring after a breakup , sending women to the depth of poverty together with their children.Higher income men can be held responsible and you know he can provide for his children by either having full custody ( which many refuse) or help the children live on a level they were born into, and are accustomed to,( schools , clothing, culture).
I have but one question for the women of this world wanting or thinking about  ”marrying up”.
How beautiful, or “perfect” must you be to have that wealthier partner in marriage  agree to “tie the knot”? If I were the “wealthier of the two, I also would like to protect my ass/ets, for my life after divorce , which imminently will follow. A person can only be depressed and  ”unloved ” in the truest sense of the word, for so long, until they are the ones” opting out” , for real  human happiness,(love) rather then contractual and monetary survival on “happy pills”for decades? Not to mention growing old , The “better” of the two will want to trade in, the current contract and re-negotiate the license.

I’ll give it to her. She will be under no illusions when she gets married. I just hope he makes her sign a good pre-nup…
But seriously ladies, you need to take into account a range of things when you get married. These include things like, “is he nice to me, does he want (or not want) children as I do, do we have similar values, will this guy love me when I’m 50 or if I get sick, do they have a good job, will I still want to be with him if he loses his job or wants to become a carpenter, can we build a life together?”

Regardless of who you marry, you are taking a big risk. For me it has been worth it. 99% of the good things in my life are because of my marriage. Even though I drive my wife nuts sometimes, I have a feeling she would agree, and trust me, she didn’t marry me for my money.

The only problem that I have with what Ms. Echolls proposes is that life is not like a contract. Bad things happen. When these things happen, if you just base you fidelity on your spouse’s earning power, you are going to have problems.

Ms. Santayana,
Unfortunately, due to the Women’s Lib Movement, you have your ‘equality’. Once that first bra was burnt, your kind went from being man’s lesser to being ‘equal’. Therefore, you are now my competitor, and I can care less how  attractive you are, et cetera, you’re now going to bring something to the table, no free rides!

If you agree to this article, then be ready to hear this phrase more often than not, “Table for One?”.

Chivalry is Dead, this is what you women wanted? Isn’t it?

Why don’t you pay for your own bills rather than living off the hard work and success of other people? That’s marrying to be lazy and you know it.

A lot of women are what men would be if given the chance: selfish, stupid criminals.

One comment…  pre-nuptual… 

Read the article “All the Single Ladies” in the November “the Atlantic” for an idea where you might be in 13 years.

It take money to live. People want to live as well as they can. Many will read the article and think she is a gold digging whore but.. I am a working woman and I agree with her. I see the lifestyle  difference between poor women married to poor men with kids and wealthy women married to wealthy men with kids. The wealthy have the nannies and the housekeepers. They dont have to do it all. They all have problems but money and ease alot if you let it and know how to use it.

What is wrong with marrying rich? I think that the writer is smart to put her efforts toward finding a mate that has the resources to provide for her and their eventual children. I often see so many young, smart, attractive, educated, young ladies waste their time on men that have nothing to offer but misery. One can be miserable alone! In the past, a “good match” was desired for the sake of survival. If the writer can find a good match, then more power to her. I wish her all the best.  The only question is: how many single wealthy men still exist in America?

Money was the last thing on my mind when I got married.  Now, six years later, I can really appreciate this point of view.  I love my husband, but sometimes I wonder if the financial struggles are worth it.  We have also had to put off having kids.

It’s just great to be a man in this world.  The women of this planet are so classy.

Why on Earth would a rich man want to marry your nasty ass? Better find some old geezer, love, because you aren’t exactly a supermodel.

You are already thinking of divorce. Do you think a man that can provide like myself would be attracted to this comment right here? As someone that makes well over six figures I was looking for a down to Earth women. Thank god I found one because as a group the women here in America need some serious work.

What is it that you have to offer to a man that would afford you that lifestyle? For someone earning in the top 3% of the US it wont take the norm to catch them. My point is that as a woman you have to yourself be above average in order to catch and hold someone like that. Yeah there may be some oddities out there that go against what I am saying but as a general rule the average woman couldn’t land someone like that.

Looks also tend to go away as you age. Money on the other hand under careful management can become more powerful.

All 23 year old women in NYC are hoping to marry rich. Whether or not they get their wish is whole other story. I dated many wealthy people before I met my not particularly wealthy now husband. It took two serious relationships with rich jerks to make me realize that I didn’t need their issues or their $ and that I could take care of myself fine on my own. My husband is wonderful in a zillion ways and we see very eye to eye on $, which is to say we are rather frugal in the day to day, while investing wisely to the point that our net worth is over $1M. If you work on yourself and then find a true life partner, wealth will find you.

I purposefully married a man who holds the same moral viewpoint as myself, not that we always agree, of course!  Are we rich, no, are we poor, no.  Are we happy - way moreso than the majority of rich people that I know. 

And of those who married for money, trust me the one who has the money KNOWS it and holds it over the other.  Be warned.

kk

Marry for money and you will surely earn it.

Sounds like a nice plan. Until you end up divorced with few job prospects and a smaller divorce settlement than you expected.  I suggest you try to spend some time with elderly women on Medicare and Medi-Cal.  You’ll be surprised how many of them started out upper middle class.

      This is the most ridiculous argument ever.  And this is the reason why I will never have children!  I see the results of women trying to manage both career and home life everyday and they look old before their time.  They are washed up, overweight, stressed, and there is usually more problems on the marriage front.  The men on this site are fronting as if they are ON AVERAGE an equal partner, taking at least half of the responsibility in domestic chores and childrearing.  Ladies you know this is not the truth.  You will slave away full-time (or more) at a job and then come home and do at least 80% of the work.  At 30, you will look like you’re 50, and your ‘loving husband’ will complain about your weight.  Women are human beings, and we cannot do it all.  Men commenting on this are full of sh—.

     I also see through this ‘equality’ BS men always like to spout.  AS IF women have achieved full equality in this world.  Feminism is great, but women still earn less than men, and have more expectations on the domestic front.  If your latch-key kids turn out bad, society blames the women!  It’s a lose-lose proposition.  I say to all the ‘men’ on this board–As soon as you hand over to women half of the world’s wealth and resources, then I will ‘consider’ becoming an  equal breadwinner in the household!  I will have the means to do so then.

So, you’re willing to prostitute yourself.  This is neither new or worthy of and article and certainly not worthy of my time to read it,

You’re stupid.  Did your mother stay at home?  How about your Grandmother?  How about your Great-Grandmother?  Chances are, all three of them stayed home.  By your logic, I guess they’re prostitutes also!!!  So, you come from a long line of prostitutes.  Do you call your mom and her mom, etc a prostitute?

Funny, how men want everything both ways.  Working wives make life easier for sorry-ass men and get nothing in return!  No wonder so many of today’s women in America are not having children.  Studies show as many as 25% of the current teenager generation will not have children.  I don’t blame these girls one bit!

Life used to be about love, care, and sacrifice.  We see what it’s about now.

By all means, marry for money! …and watch the Devil lay an egg in your pantry.

As a 23  college educated woman, I am in complete agreement with this article.  The women in my family have married for ‘love,’ and I see where that has placed them in life.  25-30 years later they are miserable.  I grew up very poor and my friends did not.  Their mothers, also unhappily married, but atleast still happy.  Why?  Because they atleast aren’t struggling to pay bills AND stabilize their childrens future.  My one girlfriend’s mother absolutely hates her husband.  They are incredibly wealthy, so luckily he stays at one home and leaves his wife at the other.  So instead of taking care of a man who has become lazy with age, she has the ability to enjoy her own peace and quiet in the other home about an hour away.  Sounds ideal to me.  Do I want to clean up after a man?  No, which is what most poor women end up doing.  (ie. my mother)  Love fades people.  Be realistic.  Do some people find everlasting, story book love?  Yes.  Do MOST? No.  Atleast being financially stable can prevent a lot of stress.  Only people who have never been poor can say “Money does not buy happiness”.  Growing up in the projects, I can tell you…being TRULY poor there is rarely a happy day.  So money may not buy happiness, but it can prevent a lot of misery.

its about money and marriage- two different subjects.

Don’t mix them up and complicate the things.

I feel sick.

Gold digger … nuff said

Good luck Emilia. I have a sneaking suspicion, that there isnt a single, reasonable man with half a brain that will consider marrying you after he reads this lil gem. Perhaps you can find a married one and be his woman on the side instead though!

Such drivel in logic should be reserved for yourself, not publicly advertised on the internet.

The whole premise to this article is flawed. There is no stigma to a woman ‘marrying rich’. It has always been a factor in women choosing their mate (well, unless you go so far back and say it is a factor in their families in who they chose for an arranged marriage). Women do it all the time, everything is about money nowadays, watch most of the hundreds of t.v. channels and women magazine articles out there.

All this article is doing is saying that it is o.k. to be the first, utmost factor in choosing one’s mate.

Well, if that is the case, one will reap what they sow and the woman (and women who endorse this) who picks her mate for his money and security have no room to ever complain about men who choose them or other women for looks. Also, don’t get upset if the money-man trades you in at some point.

Didn’t read the whole article, eh? Let me quote the relevant part: “As you’ve no doubt gathered by now, I know that mine isn’t a popular point of view. To brandish it at a cocktail party would be social suicide—which is why I’ve decided to write this piece under a pseudonym.”

So. Incredibly. Shallow.

Thanks for writing this article. It really raises a lot of great points.

This woman is precocious for writing this article and anticipating the
fair amount of criticism. Is it possible to find an equally staunch male
who will write that he wants to take care of family and marry up? If
so, then I hope he is not met with as much criticism because there are
plenty of women looking for just that. If not, then we should all
reconsider who the shallow ones really are.

Easy. The shallow ones are the ones who would actually marry someone just for monetary reward.

Not only is it shallow, it’s selfish, cowardly, and hypocritical. What about the man involved, who might actually be marrying for love? Here’s a thought: It’s 2012: MAKE YOUR OWN MONEY.

The woman who wrote this article is no better than the common hooker. At least with the hooker, the guy only has to pay for her once.

Well, the article sort of points out the tit-for-tat. It’s likely that Emilia is making her own money and possibly much more than the average male (at least hinting at it in the end). I agree, it’d be pretty douchy for the dude to be in the dark about what the expectation is. Seems unlikly though from how clear everything is communicated here.

I just wonder if she even has the option of finding a “shallow” male to dig her riches who will take responsibility for the “other two” (“family and home”)

Actually, dude, I do fine. In fact, the only threat I am getting from this article would be actually falling in love with a gold digging witch who would marry me for my bank statement. It makes me actually consider “acting” poorer while dating so I can find a woman of substance.

Thanks for the warning, Emilia. Enjoy your spinsterhood.

Emilia might not be the one for you, but no need to cast spells … just saying

The difference, you soft brain, is that wealth is not who or even what the man is. And man does it smell of resentment when you say “younger eye candy”. Married a shabby looking wench, and engaging in a little devaluation to feel a little less bad about your choice? Sounds like it. Woman’s studies majors aren’t well know for their pulchritude. But as they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and who am I to judge what you fancy. Remember, not everyone has 

Look, everyone can marry anyone they want. It’s a bit silly to think someone can or cannot marry anyone else. As long as two people agree to it, so be it, it’s no one’s business but their own. Everyone values different qualities and traits. It’s silly to impose a single standard onto everyone

Everybody, mind your own goddamn business. My God.

I don’t get why all the men posting hateful comments here are up in arms. Men are constantly looking for women based solely on looks, so why is it so awful for women to be looking for men who make money? You can’t have it both ways guys. If you want a hot woman, you need to either be an adonis yourself or make money. Otherwise, settle for someone just as unattractive as you are yourself. It’s so hilarious that all these short, fat, old, bald guys out there think they “deserve” a gorgeous woman.

That takes the award for stupid comment of the day. So by your definition stay-at-home mothers (or fathers for that matter) are automatically lazy, parasitic prostitutes.  Just because both people are not working full time doesn’t mean they are not both equal contibutors in the marriage. I hope you never have kids. My husband and I both work full-time, but I applaud any woman or man who makes the decision to stay home with their children, and I also applaud the working spouse who puts their kids’ needs first.

Hopefully you won’t have kids.  America is such a sad place that kids don’t know their own parents because since both parents work now, the kids are left alone or are raised by “strangers” because people like you only care about the pursuit of material wealth.

Yeah, I understand this woman’s point of view. I married at 26 for “love”. I myself am a professional, beautiful (as told to me by men) woman, pulling in 6 figures. My husband got fired from multiple jobs and sits on his but playing video games.  So now I’m not so “in love” anymore. When I go out to work full time, take care of my kids when I get home, cook, clean, etc. why would I want to be married to someone who does not do the same? I’m 34 now and kind of regret not marrying someone not necessarily rich, but someone who is my equal.

There is nothing new in this article.  Women have been doing this for hundreds of years.  Not sure why people would get upset that someone would put it in black and white.  I hope in this day and age that men are smart enough to know that this is the game being played. 

Change “rich” to “successful” and “success oriented” and it would sound a lot better. I am “successful” and married a “successful” woman 30 years ago. iI sure made it easier to send four kids through college.

Commentors here seem to think of the author as some sort of con-artist for openly admitting being a gold-digger. Honestly, I feel as though SHE is the victim here.

She thinks she’s clever for being able to trick a guy out of his money, but there’s really nothing remarkable here; women have been whoring themselves out for thousands of years. Furthermore, she’s sacrificed not only true love and her own integrity, but also any chance of having a meaningful, fulfilling career. She may live in luxury for the next decade or so, but that rich, goldmine of a husband will only tolerate so many facelifts before he trades her in for a younger, prettier model.

And while she might live comfortably off of the alimony for awhile, she’ll ultimately lay on her death bed wishing that she had done something meaningful with her life, rather than taking the easy way out and selling herself as a trophy wife, like some unremarkable piece of cattle.

As an enlightened cave woman I seek a man that can hunt, fish, find a cozy cave and build a good fire.  I’ll bring to the table my cooking skills and nuturing nature.  Together we’ll have a wonderful life.  Now roll on up to 2012 and try finding a man that can do all that.  It takes money and a lot of it to keep us safe and happy.  Worry is the #1 way to divorce – worry over money coming in and going out (usually in unexpected and higher amounts of the incoming).  I don’t want to work and worry myself day in and day out.  If there is a partner out there who can supply the money, who is intelligent, fun, warm and exciting then he’s the man for me!

I have been married for over 16 years. Thant being said, I love my husband very much. One of my motivators for “choosing” him was that he was ambitious, not wealthy. When we met we made equal incomes but I knew he would be successful because he is smart and hard working. When I paused my career for the sake of children, I gave up my financial success. He is and continues to be a wonderful person and provider for our family. Do I miss making money? yes. Do I value my husband for his financial contributions? yes, but more importantly I love him.

I’m not surprised the author’s a single, 23-year-old, who thinks she has it all figured out. Find the guy first before telling us why you’re so much more practical. I’m only a few years older and I know how important money is, too. In fact, my mom says the same thing as yours does. But having dated my share of men, I also know money comes and goes. I went through a period where both my partner and I were unemployed and pinching pennies. But we got through it, together. So while some of my friends’ relationships have deteriorated over the years (many to very wealthy men), mine is still going strong. That is not to say my values are more virtuous, only to emphasize that money isn’t superglue.  As much as I want to avoid being condescending, find yourself a man to love and who will love you back before telling us we’re the crazy ones for placing loyalty, forgiveness, and humility over the size of someone’s bank statement.

The more money you expect to be handed in return for having a uterus, the fewer men there will be to supply it, but young women wanting to marry a rich man are not and will never be in short supply. Good luck.

You better bring something to the table if you intend to “marry up”.  Hopefully you are truly beautiful because obviously your personality is lacking substance.  Most wealthy men who earned their money are protective of their assets and entering into a contract with someone who doesn’t eschew the symbolic gesture of marriage is pointless.  Marriage is a vestigial connection with someone who has your value system.

Once you lock down a meal ticket, you can turn off the p*ssy flow  – he will need to pay you after the divorce if you got him in legal lockdown.

Way to play, goldigger!  Shake hat moneymaker while you still got it, since once the flab sets in, you are in deep if he takes a hike.

Scratch a chick, and, well, you know what you’ll find.

Garbage like this is exactly why my wife has never, and will never have access to my bank account, and why she signed a prenup.  Keep thinking you got it all figured out sister, anyone who’s smart enough to be successful is smart enough to know a gold digger when he sees one and avoid them.

Marriage is as outdated and worthless as you are.

Your response paints a very good picture of why marriage in this day and age is absolutely, 100% pointless for a man.   It serves us no purpose other than increased hardship for no reward.  You don’t want to clean up after a man?  Fine.  I don’t want to spend the majority of my income supporting a lazy breeder cow that doesn’t show the slightest bit of attraction or appreciation towards me.  Goes both ways girlie.

Take a look in the mirror.  There is no man for you.

Arent they?  At least some of us wise up before its too late to protect ourselves.  Its pretty sad really.  Myself, and most of my guy friends when we were teens only wanted one woman and to make her happy.  15 years later of being used and abused by women like the one who wrote this article, we are all now terrible bastards who couldnt give two craps about making a woman happy.

“Down to Earth” = stupid.   And you are 100% correct.  Only the dumb ones are worth wasting any time on.  I used to think I wanted to be with a smart woman.   After 4 of those and the years of pain to go along with it, I have never been happier now that I date only stupid women who don’t give me any crap about anything, and always show me their appreciation.

I am in the same boat.  I finally asked my husband to move out.  I was so tired of coming home to a nasty house after working all day.  He just sat around playing on his iPad that I bought him and did NOTHING.   Needless to say, I am much happier now! 

I just noticed that there are some new girls with some very strong opinions too:

If you felt your wife is a gold digger and can’t be trusted with access to you bank account maybe you need to figure it out brother. Obviously you don’t trust and and didn’t have the good sense to avoid her. Sounds to me like you may be quite untrustworthy yourself.

Let’s talk in 10 years and see how you’ve been doing with your rich husband who doesn’t invest emotionally or physically in you or your family, who monitors every dime you spend and who expects not just excellence, but PERFECTION in your home and kids because, let’s face it- that’s your only responsibility. I always thought I’d marry someone that was at least “comfortable” financially, because I assumed they would be the only one to keep me excited and interested- the ones that would travel with me, that maybe went to an Ivy League, and had an interesting career and interesting views that would lead to philosophical debates and genuine interest in the others opinions. I ended up marrying a man I met in college who was nothing like I planned on. He, in many ways was not who I imagined- no doctor or lawyer with no aspirations to be. He was someone who was passionate about people and I’ve watched those passions take him from being a special ed teacher to being a personal trainer- excelling at both, but never financially. I’ve always been the “breadwinner”, and work in the financial industry. But I feel richer than I ever imagined feeling. Because of my husband’s dedication to me, and love of family, people and life, I’ve never had dinner go cold because he couldn’t get home from the office. He’s never shooed by beloved dogs off of the furniture because they shed. He’s never prevented me from doing great things in my own life, or vice versa, and we have served as each others cheerleaders year in and year out. We’ve still traveled, and have become smarter BECAUSE of our need to budget. We’ve had adventures, amazing conversations, and grand experiences BECAUSE of our circumstances- not in spite of them. From your article, it sounds like you want the ability to have freedom- freedom to sleep in, to take care of your kids, to decorate your home the way you like, etc. But it’s NOT freedom. It’s someone else’s money, and you have NO idea (no matter how patient, kind, understanding, etc) that they’re going to agree to any bit of your plan. Not only that, but 20 years from now, when you’ve experienced an Upper East Side penthouse and weekend in the Hamptons, and God forbid, your husband is laid off, or worse, what will your marriage stand on? Marry someone that you love enough with, or without money. Someone that, if you had to, you would work at a Starbucks for to know they’d have a roof over their head, and someone that you know would do the same for you. If what you’re counting on is that, at the end of your life, money will have made the difference in how valuable you were, you might want to take a long, hard look in the mirror and examine what it is you’re valuing about yourself. If it has anything to do with money, appearance or “stuff”, you can be sure that those things will run out. And even if they don’t, life runs out, and at that point, you won’t care about the balance of your checking account.

Beauty is skin deep, but shallowness goes throughout…..

All women plan to marry rich because all women are whores. 

MARRIAGE IS NOTHING MORE THAN TAKING CARE OF ANOTHER MANS DAUGHTER….DONOT DO IT…WILL BE SORRY LATER….

Who ever quoted “money can’t buy happiness” is out of their mind.. I agree very much with this article, becuase if you have no money you have no security, and when you are broke and can’t afford your bills house and food, your really going to say your happy? I don’t think so! Its not about the diamonds or purses or whatever other luxuries, its the sense of comfort to be able to take care of the necesities in your familys life. This isn’t at all selfish or about gold digging! Its REALITY!!

How’s this new info? Hasn’t this been happening forever now?

She’s 23 years old folks.  Right now her priorities include trendy fashions, Facebook and American Idol.  In other news a 5 year old wants to be an astronaut.

This young lady is just asking to be disappointed. How do I know? There are far more ‘attractive, young, and hunting for a meal ticket’ women on Wall Street than there are single men earning big bucks. Far more. Half the people who claim to be on Wall Street might be in the back offices. Earning $100k+ but certainly not in the category she is looking for. A lot of folk also don’t hit the big bucks till they are well into their 40s. $300k is partner level salary in a typical law firm. Plenty are already married.

I used to work on Wall Street. Made $500k+ with bonuses. Life was so easy when it came to meeting women. I am single, young (now 35), no kids, never been married. My kind, which is what you are looking for, is hard to come by. Really hard. Pretty girls in ‘marketing’? Around every street corner, and in every bar in Manhattan. IIRC, there are far more single women in NY than single guys. Ergo, far far far more beautiful single girls than high $$ single guys.

So, first off, you need to be really hot. I mean incredibly hot. And you have to be competitive. There is loads of competition. My friends and I would think nothing of flying to London, or LA for the weekend, because some model agency had invited us to one of their parties. Mid week, we were probably working so hard and so late that normal dating was out of the equation anyway. So, you are competing not just against hot girls already in NY, but also against hot girls pretty much anywhere that is flying distance from NY. Incredibly hot girls at that.

Then, you need to find a guy who is single, earning the big bucks, *and*
is ready to settle down. Again, there aren’t many of those around. There are fewer than 1,000 men in the *whole* of NY state that fit the bill you are after.  And each one of those has 100 women chasing after *him*. Attractive women too. Women in his office with better access to him than you in your ‘marketing’ job. Professional gold diggers who spend every waking moment doing nothing but tracking and plotting how to bag one of these men. That’s your competition. Unless of course you are happy to expand your search to include married men who will give you a nice allowance in exchange for favors. Or a generous boyfriend who will have fun with you but will never marry you.

Did I mention that you have to be incredibly beautiful. Ridiculously
beautiful. And naturally beautiful too. No guy I know in those circles wants to *marry* a
woman who has already had a boob job. Or been under the knife in any
form. That should happen after you have delivered the 2.4 kids. never before. If you’ve already had a boob job, you are good for a shag, but nobody on the partner track at a big and respectable law firm will ever marry you. Ever!

And don’t forget that a lot of the people pulling in the big $$ on Wall Street come from proud families, and they might already have a bunch of ‘pre selected by mom’ potential wives in the Hamptons. A lot of guys I worked with were in this group. Playing the field in NY, but knew they would eventually marry a girl from a good (read rich) family when they settled down. These are girls for whom marrying a guy who earns $300k is the least that is expected of them. Went to great schools, Ivy or private college, art history major, no scandals, and now run an art gallery paid for by *their* daddy’s money.

It does not end there. I have a housekeeper who looks after the home. I don’t need anyone to ‘run the house’, whatever that means. My mom ran her own business. So did my father. My mother always used to warn me against ever marrying a ‘broiler’, i.e. a stay at home woman. As my mother used to put it, she already has several maids, and she does not need anymore help in the home. I do not want a stay at home wife! I never have, and never will.

I want a partner. And, a partner does not need my money. She has her own. I want someone who can hold a conversation in polite society. I want someone who will be accepted in polite society … there is plenty of time for me in my 60s to embarrass myself with a blonde bimbo eye candy. I want someone who grew up with money, and for whom it is not an unhealthy emotional hangover. Basically, someone not like you. See above on “woman from the right family” to marry, after years spent, well, banging “I want to be a model” types.

As a lot of people have asked you already, “What does Emily bring to the table?”. Unfortunately, there are women who will beat you in the looks department. There are women who will beat you in the earnings department. There are women who will beat you in the marriageability department. And finally, there are women who will beat you in all three.

What you are looking for, (very single, very rich, late 20s or early 30s, seeking wife) is an outlier, even on Wall Street. Unless you too are an outlier, and stupidly hot, I would revise my demands downwards, and hunt for a nice guy who is *only* on $120k. Hahaha.

As a working wife who is “doing it all,” with a working husband who is also “doing it all” – and (gasp) equally at that — this vapid article could not be further from the feminism you claim to follow. 

You veil your opinion as respectable by resting it on your desire to protect and focus on family.  Instead, you more or less insulting every woman who has chosen to have an ambitious, fruitful career while still raising their children.  More so, you assume that there is no value to a woman’s career (or life, for that matter) outside of earning money, which is only made more obvious by your ridiculous standard of “rich.” 

If you want $300,000 a year, be a woman and earn it.  Maybe along the way you will pick up some outside interests, knowledge, and self-respect.

You spoke your mind. That’s good. You hid behind a pseudonym, that’s quite shameful. If you believe in what you wrote, then let the whole world know who you are and what you stand for. You have sown seeds in the hearts of the naive and this will lead to unhappiness and pain. It is sad to see that the world has left you and your materialism behind. People marry for love and happiness and not for money. If you want money, get off your lazy behind and work for it. Women fought for decades to win the freedom to be themselves and live their dreams…and that includes getting married to the man they love, not for money.

When I was dating, I too had financial minimums for the men I would date. Within that criteria, I found a man that I love more than anything! We have an incredibly happy marriage, unfettered by squabbles and tension about money, and two children we can afford to raise as we see fit.
Everyone has their “perfect mate” criteria.  Some care about ethnicity, religion, physical attributes, intelligence, etc.  Wanting your spouse to earn a decent paycheck is no more shallow than any of these.  It takes money to make the world go ’round – like it or not.  Anyone who says it doesn’t matter has never lived in poverty.
I applaud your bravery young lady, and wish you luck.  I know you’ll find your true love, as I did.  Just make sure that love matters a bit more than the money and I know you’ll find happiness.

Emilia, You are about as stupid as women come.  I almost married a woman coming out of college just like you and she dumped me to marry for the money.  Now twenty some years later I make more money than she does and she’s been divorced at least once that I know of and maybe more than that.  So few people make $300,000 per year let alone $50,000 per year.  So a man who makes $35,000 a year is less of a man because he can’t fulfill your fantasy of security in the suburbs?  You sound so twisted.  You preach equality as a feminist but yet you seek an unfair competitive socioeconomic advantage by “marrying up”.  How is this “equal”?  I wish I had such options.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t born with a vagina for some rich man to play with.    If I did I would never work another day in my life.  Other than your private parts, exactly what in cash flow are you bringing to the dinner room table?  You are the reason why by the time a man is twenty-five years old he wants nothing to do with a woman in her twenties.  It is clear your brain is not functioning properly like most women in their twenties.  If I smelled a golddigger like you coming I’d run as fast as I could to my lawyer to draft the most unconscionable, one-sided, pre-nuptial agreement and whip it out five minutes before the wedding ceremony.  That way you would have to explain to your family that you changed your mind because you weren’t going to get anything out of me.  I don’t need to rant on because you will find out for yourself in few short years what the real world is all about.  And it isn’t about you.
       
 

Excellent post, songbird.

Well I know that you will get what you want (deserve). Can’t wait to read your bitter, I got f$%# over interview in 10 -15 years. You deserve it you idiot. I hope all the real rational wonderfull woman of the world respond to this disturbed person. What a waste of youth.

the problem surrounds the idea of what counts as “having money.” It’s not how much you make. It’s what you do with it. We know teachers who scrimp and save and have more money banked than someone who makes two or three times as much. The pitfall is that the old saying is often true- the more you make, the more you spend. You could very well marry a man who makes that much and still have nothing left over each month. That salary often comes with an expected lifestyle that doesn’t pay for itself. I’m not sure if I’d trade the love of my life who makes $50K a year for someone else who makes far more. Looking back over the last twelve years of our relationship, we had more saved when we were making 8 bucks an hour than we do now…. because we “deserve” more now that we’re working ”so much harder.” Shame on us! Bankruptcy here we come! 

Since there are very few men who would meet your financial requirements, I assume you must be a very good-looking young woman to think that you would be able to “land” one of them.

 Please don’t insult our intelligence by telling us that you are anything more than an expensive call girl. For your information, men with that kind of money have pretty women lined up to date them, and they can spot a shallow golddigger a mile a way.

 You used a pseudonym to hide your immature, manipulative ways from your friends and from your prospective victim whose money you will confiscate in the name of “$ecurity”.

 Rich men beware – it will take an expert to discern love from greed. Average men – be glad fools like this aren’t hunting you.

Hey, don’t knock her. If she finds a man who has a similar character, from a similar socio-economic bacground,  it would be a wonderful match. Especially if neither of them are stingy with what they put on the table.

Girl, I understand wanting to live comfortably is what you are aiming for. You don’t have to marry rich to achieve this. I’m a 47 yr old single mother who has achieved that by working hard and making the right choices after taking some hits in life. I married someone who made a great living. I felt secure. As life would sometimes have it, I caught him cheating on me. I took my son and left and probably acheived greater things than if I would have stayed with him. I was fuel by determination, pride and a strong work ethic. I’ve made it. I did not have to rely on anyone but myself. This is what you need to learn. You may marry rich but that doesn’t mean you’re safe. Life is uncertain. Prepare yourself for that. Otherwise you are deluding yourself. 

In response to Myself333, not all rich men look for a young, goodlooking, expensive call girl / trophy wife. If he does, then he deserves one.

I wonder what you bring to the table that makes you think someone with money would like to marry you?

Anyway, good luck

The hypothetical rich guy in your future sounds pretty zero-dimensional.  You won’t ruin yourself with corporate busywork, but for some reason, he will without complaint.  You’ll focus on the home.  Logically, he won’t (?)

If you’ve got a hard requirement of $300K income + $1M investments, he might have a hard requirement of 34C-26-34 + BJ’s at dawn.  It’s only fair.    If he’s making that kind of money, he won’t have more than an hour a day for you.  Which sounds fine, because you don’t seem  to be too interested in him as a person, either.

I do applaud you for the honesty to say what many women won’t even admit to themselves.

Spoken like the prostitute you are. Marry rich means you are making him pay for sex.

She does realize that as soon as she turns 39, the kids are teenagers( old enough to not be traumatized by divorce )and she gets a bit of grey in the hair and some flab typical of a 39+ year old woman, she’s dumped? right? Common… These guys will pay off the prenup amount as just a cost of doing business to get new younger trophy wife. So now she is 39, no real life skills other than home-maker and a prenup amount that WILL NOT support her for life. Time to work a $9 per hour job and live in a studio apartment rich girl  

Like my father said….”After 25 most American women will view you as a business decision…always value your freedom…not your physical freedom but your emotional and financial freedom from women”.  I waited a solid 6 years to marry my wife at 33.  She saw me when i had no job and when i had a job…she told me exactly these words “I want a damm good man who has a rich work ethic rather than riches because money comes and goes but a damm good man who leads a woman is priceless”.

i can’t wait to see this young lady eat crow in another 6 years.  what will you do at 30?

What is “Emilia Echolls”? An anagram? Well “Emilia”, I’ve read over 30 replies, and all of them were sane and rational. And this person ”Former Wall St 1%er”, for taking the time he did (waste) to talk to you, you should give him easily $1,000 as the amount of personal grief and loss he’s attempted to keep you from experiencing over the next, easily, 10 years is simply phenomenal. You are working against the odds that you couldn’t imagine, well, he painted you a very accurate picture, didn’t he? Almost all that posted did too, which you won’t listen to either. Have fun, what little you’ll get. Women are flawed against men. They’ll stay single, or now that it’s accepted, become gay before going out with poor guys. I know, I’ve been living it for 30 years. Everyone hates the poor, especially women.

Your analysis is flawed because what she is actually offering is to marry you and presumably have your children.  Passing on your DNA to a future generation is from a biological point of view the single most important thing for an organism. Money is a means to mating with the most desirable female, food and other biological essentials not an end in itself.

Unlike her looks her DNA will not go away, it will combine with yours and pass down through an indefinite number of generations into the future, this is your path to immortality.   Moreover, if you are a normal person you will be emotionally attached to your children and presumably want a long term role in raising them – even in purely rational biological terms spending time raising your children is worthwhile.  

So even a completely heartless biological analysis shows that if you think someone is the right mother for your children marrying that person is worth pretty much any amount of money.

I hope you’re hot if you want to marry rich.

If the women in your family weren’t lazy, they would have their own money.  They should also think about spending less money and appreciating things that aren’t monetary.  I am 34, good looking, work on Wall St and after reading the rubbish that you write, am even more convinced that marriage is a major liability

She should at least be respected for her honesty and integrity.

But then of course, the essay prose could be based on irony/subtle sarcasm.

I feel for you, in some ways I think you are right and in other ways wrong. I think marrying for money is shallow, just like marrying for looks is. I’m reading these posts from men who are upset because you want to marry for money and yet they keep mentioning looks which is equally shallow. You don’t have to be a beauty queen to marry someone successful. I am married to a surgeon and I know many women who are not gorgeous who are married to successful professionals who make 300 k. plus and some have been married decades. My advice to you would be try to be the best you can be, in your career, sports, looks, etc., then you will have a larger selection in which to find love and if it doesn’t work out you will be able to take care of yourself. Plus, you can be more picky yourself. Not all marriages work out but it ‘s not just the wealthy that cheat, sometimes it’s also the teachers, cops, etc.

Wow. I’m a woman who used to kind of think the same way when I was maybe 21 or so, but I quickly wised up. Now I just focus my time on building my business and making my OWN money. My motto is “M.O.D. Money Over Dicks” And I decided I never want to get married!

To the Author:

It’s totally doable if you’re attractive and/or charming enough – the question is: are you? 
I think in order to be fair to the reader you should have provided a full-length photo with the article.  You posted a photo where you’re hunched over in sunglasses and a floppy hat, and you look cute in that photo, but not much is visible, which makes me suspect that there is potentially some physical flaw that might make it a long shot for you to marry rich.  I think that if you were very beautiful, you would’ve posted a good picture and you’d probably even get a number of worthy suitors proposing to you within a few days, invitations to appear on talk shows, etc - this article has gotten a lot of exposure (congratulations).

Also you should know that $300K / a year PLUS $1M liquid assets not only means that you’re marrying rich, you’re likely marrying someone over 40 (unless you can find a trust-fund baby, senior banker or a dot-com millionaire).  Even earning $300K a year it takes quite a while to get $1M in “investable” (which I read as “liquid” – in other words, someone who makes $300K and owns a million-dollar house wouldn’t be rich enough). 

By the way – did a “Google Image Search” and the photo of “Emilia Echolls” is a stock photo has appeared in various places around the Internet.

Anyway, congrats, you got my attention and I wasted time thinking about this article.

If I were a guy who had that income (I have six figures just not in your desired bracket), I would ask what you were bringing to the table.

Lots of women say they like “ambitious” men which almost always correlates to the said man’s income levels.  So I don’t think you are all that far out there with this idea.

Moreover, coming from a traditional culture (I’m Indian), I have seen this idea expressed in its most brutally honest form.  In my culture, men with good earning potential (education) or currently good earnings will get the best proposals (best looking or from wealthy families).  Don’t make as much?  Don’t expect to get your pick of the litter.

Which brings me back to my point.  I applaud you for your honesty and ambition.  But if I made $300 000 per year and had $1 million in investable assets (that’s less than 1% of all available males out there), I would be quite picky in my mates.  And when I do marry, I would probably a wife that could model in Vogue, cook like Gordon Ramsey, and entertain as well as the company that Eliott Spitzer paid for.  After all, if I’m in the top 1% of men out there, why would not I expect my wife to be in the top 1% of desirable women?  The catch?  Guys don’t care as much about their women being wealthy.  We’ll look at your bra and waist size before your net worth.  Hope you have enough of the right asset mix to make the cut.

i think that this is a fantastic article, and agree with it, im a guy age 29, and have my own company, my girlfriend has openly admitted that she wouldn´t want a bloke who had no money, and i cant blaim her, money can buy you happyness, im currently holidaying in brazil, the role of the woman in the home is just as important as the role of the man to hunter-gather, its a balance…

Thank you for your honesty.  Now all your future boyfriends will know what you are about and can dump you long before marriage becomes a possibility.  If I want someone who is staying with me for my money, I can go get a mistress.  They are a lot easier (and cheaper) than a wife.

If you truly believe that men and women should have equivalent rights, then men have the same right that you do to insist on marrying up.  I’m sure you can imagine what will happen if you take that line of thinking to its logical conclusion.

What’s your definition of a “decent” paycheck? My dad makes a decent paycheck as an architect. “$70,000″ a year. Probably won’t attract women like you or Emilia. But he is damn resourceful with his money. He knows when to save and when to spend. And when he spends, he always knows the best bargain. He studies and makes chart comparison. He reads consumer reports and talks to his connections in various sectors. And he saves a lot. I rather have a dad like that who only makes $70,000 with that kind of savvy with money then a dad who makes $300,000 and then blow it off. He taught me what $300,000 can’t buy. Why, the doctor I shadowed makes around that figure of $300,000. He’s like my dad. His car is second hand and he goes to haircut places that cost only $6. He waits until midnight until sushi are on sale then he buys. Funny story is that he even waited with a fellow doctor.
Sorry ladies. But it takes more than just money to make the world go round and round. Ladies should be looking for that kind of attributes in a man rather than just making $300,000 per year. Your future generation will thank you teaching them how to fish rather than giving them fish.
Plus this author is just speaking nonsense. Who wants to be poor? Ask any person off the street. Some people are poor but they have the courage and will to work hard to live. And they know how to live with a rather tight paycheck. That’s something money can’t buy. Ingenuity.

That’s true. If I made $300,00 per year and had $1 million in investable assets, I don’t want just one wife with all those qualities, do I? I can always get more than one. After all, I’m in the top 1% of the men out there so why would not I expect the person beside me to be always in the top 1% desirable women even if my wife grows old and gray?
What a world we live in.

Marrying for money and keeping property in families is the oldest criteria for getting married.  There is something wrong with our society when people do not realize it.  The thing is People with money and property marry people with money and property, if you come from the “wrong side of the tracks”  your chances of marring a man in the top 1% are very low.  Last I checked out of 7 billion people on the planet, 1% is still a lot of choices.  good luck.

Dear Lord. I just realized. What if Emilia is a MAN???

So true on many levels, and, if this woman is willing to make these decisions based on an economic one is it not wrong for the man to ask how much income potential she has as well? 

Well… good luck, Honey…
Of course, for every woman who marries up… there’s a man who must be willing to marry down… isn’t there?… so your strategy relies on two very important facts… that men of means are Not going to be evaluating your suitability on the basis of your wealth or potential income… and that you DO have something that they want desperately enough to be willing to give you legal claim to half of what they have.
hmm… sounds like a good plan if you happen to be drop dead gorgeous enough, and personable enough to be that attractive to men of means…  But you really haven’t established that that’s the case, have you?
Love is definitely an economy… I can’t fault your dreaming that you are worth what you imagine…  but the market will determine whether you bring the goods, or have an inflated sense of self worth.  And I can not help but find Your dream of marrying money to be any less a naive romantic fantasy than any other pastel pink picture of Prince Charming.

Judging by the photograph at the bottom, it doesn’t seem like “Emilia” is any more attractive than millions of other women out there. So unless she is making hundreds of thousands of dollars herself, I don’t see what makes her think that she is going to have such an easy time finding a rich husband.

As a “wealthy” man who knows that many money certainly helps to meet woman, when i date i ONLY date hot girls. I have just as much chance liking whats under the skin of a hot girls as I do with a homely one. So, while i understand Emilia’s hope to marry rish she simply isnt hot enough to make the cut. What does she have to offer in return? Personally?! Honey, hot girls have those too.

At 23 most girls are staunch nothings yet. It may be a fun age but it is not an age where you know where you really stand on much of anything. Wait a few years and look back on this for a laugh, if you have any real depth, that is….

Why did you marry her? What does it feel like to sleep and live with someone you can’t trust? What is the point of it? LOL, you are FUNNY ranting about your wife!

You should honestly just get rid of him and find a better guy! You deserve better, just get rid of him! I am serious, why would anyone tolerate a “man” playing video games all day? Is he like 16 or something?

Good for you! I am glad you had the guts to kick him out! Never put up with a lazy man!

Very well said! 

This is why I love internet discussions, lol. People would not talk like this with each other unless they are anonymous. But good point!

You sound like you need some English lessons…I am sure there must be ESL classes available where you are. 

Start looking in other countries? Are you sure you are American? LOL

There are no soulmates; but people who seek a partner for money are even stupider than people who seek soulmates. People on both ends will fall flat on their faces! Good luck!

Dear 23 year old writer gold digger:

I’m a woman, 38, two marriages, two kids. Let me give you a little piece of advice: PLEASE do not marry for money. That is going to be the biggest mistake of your entire life. Do yourself a favor and get a master’s degree, get your own 6 figure job and THEN marry someone you LOVE. Gucci purses don’t bring you happiness honey. A millionaire husband won’t make you happy. He will never be home, he will never respect you and his family will hate you. So…..re-think your life.

This is why every man with a good job needs a pre-nup

Yep, just ask Paul McCartney.  What did that D cost him, $52,000,000 or something like that? 

The most sincere women in the world is a hooker.  The rest are just hookers who play the “game” 

Ya but…are YOU hot? No amount of money can make YOU hot. And congrats on only dating hot women because you have money. Shows your lack of depth and insecurity. I wish you could buy yourself some class, integrity and personality, but you can’t buy that can you? Oh ya, and you can’t buy love either. Poor you. And you are a poor speller.