Is Child-Free the Way to Be?

Alden Wicker
Posted

Sonja LewisFirst comes love, then comes marriage, then comes … a jet-setting lifestyle, a novel and posh townhouse in London.

For Sonja Lewis, an expat in her 40s, there was never a carriage, stroller or burp cloth. Or childcare. Or school tuition. Instead, Sonja opted out of the idea that all women need children in order to be fulfilled and complete—and now wants to tell the tale.

In her new novel The Barreness, Lewis explores the fraught and emotional territory of going child-free. We called up this Georgia-born journalist and writer in her current home in London—where she happily lives with her husband—and asked her all the questions you’d be too polite to ask.

Why did you write this novel?

I guess you could say I got married late (about 37 or 38) and became obsessed with whether I would have children. And I eventually concluded that being a mother wasn’t the right thing for me.

The previous generation seemed to stereotype non-mothers as selfish, hardcore people, and I wanted to make it clear that women can be fulfilled without becoming mothers. Exploring the subject in the form of a novel gives me free range in how I approach it.

Women who don’t have children are more scrutinized. People believe Oprah when she says she’s fulfilled. But for other women, it’s different.

Why did you decide not to have children?

You have to consider the commitment; it’s a lifetime role. As much as I love children, when it really became a viable option for me, the financial commitment, the personal commitment, everything I had to take into consideration … It just didn’t make sense.

Raising children, of course, is costly. Did that factor into your decision?

It wasn’t the deciding factor, but I did think about money. My husband and I are normal middle-class people. I think my child would have had a good life, but I would have wanted the very best, including paying for school. I read an article about how expensive it is to raise a child in the U.K., and the figures are just astounding. Plus, we already travel to the U.S. two or three times a year, and I would have wanted to go more often with a child. And that can get quite expensive.

Was this a solely personal decision, or did you involve your husband?

It was definitely a personal choice for me. We both agreed that I couldn’t wake up one day and blame him for this decision. It’s important to talk to your partner, though, and my husband was very supportive and wonderful. We did a lot of research and even considered adopting an older child, but I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t right for me.

What did you do with the money you would have otherwise spent on a child?

Travel, by far. Without kids, you can come and go as you please.  I also enjoy some level of creature comforts in London. I go to the salon once a week; this morning I got a massage. We also have a townhouse in London. If we had a child, we would have had to consider living in the suburbs.

There are other ways to support children, though, from being involved with my nieces and nephews to supporting a lot of children’s charities.

The BarrennessWe’ve heard it said that motherhood is an accomplishment, even if a woman hasn’t made it in the professional sphere. Do you think not having children puts more pressure on you to be successful?

I suspect it does. Women who don’t have children are more scrutinized. People believe Oprah when she says she’s fulfilled. But for other women, it’s different. I personally feel quite fulfilled, having written a novel, having worked as a journalist, having done quite a bit of travel and now, having my communications consultancy here.

Do you ever regret not having children?

I do have a “what if” moment every now and again, but it’s fleeting. I don’t have any regrets. It is so important to own that decision. It’s not one I can go back on.

It’s very easy to walk into a school or an event and make friends with other mothers. Being a writer can be isolating, so I’ve had to be creative about how I make friends here in England. But I have greater flexibility than I would have had otherwise. Because I don’t have children, I have a very different relationship with my nieces and nephews and godchildren. If I have any extra money or time, I can spend it in my role as their auntie. I’m a very active auntie, and they see a different take on life from me.

For example, they don’t mind being Facebook friends with me, even though they do mind parents in their social media circle. I can talk about things others aren’t able to.

Do you think about not having children to take care of you as you get older?

I thought about this when I was making the decision. After talking to women with children, I concluded that there are no guarantees, anyway. Whether you have children or not, you need to be smart about retirement. I do have the benefit of a large family, with nieces and nephews and godchildren. They talk about how they would never leave me alone, but I don’t count on that.

Have you faced social backlash because of this decision? How have you dealt with it?

Backlash is a strong word. People ask if I have children. I say, “No,” and they say, “There’s still time.”

People want to believe you’re missing something. My choice is absolutely considered unconventional. What I try to stress is that it may be unconventional, but it’s not abnormal. It’s your life, and you have to own it.

Have you met women who regret having children or say they envy you?

I have, but I won’t name them! I’ve met women who have said, “I absolutely love my child, but I am just so jealous.” Not every woman feels that way, but I’ve met a good handful who’ve said that if they had to do it over again, they’d do it differently. They never thought it was a choice; it was so much a part of their socialization.

My mother is a wonderful, wonderful woman. She had seven children, loves us all and would do anything in the world for us. But she did not want seven children. I don’t remember a time when she didn’t make that point.

How Much Do Babies Cost?

Everyone knows that kids can be expensive … but how much will they really cost you?CLICK HERE

What should people make sure not to say to a childless woman?

“Why didn’t you have children?” That is a deeply personal question, even for a woman like me who didn’t have fertility issues. If someone tells you she doesn’t have children, don’t look at her like you feel sorry for her.

What legacy would you like to leave behind?

It’s so important to remember that women without children can leave a legacy, too.

Women who don’t have children are of equal value as women who do. I want girls to know that as they become women. That’s the legacy I would like to leave.

Exploring The Issues …

If you can’t have a baby, you could always adopt … but that costs money. How much?
Having children limits your ability to travel. Here’s how to travel well with a child. Read on.
Sometimes you’ve just gotta get out of the house, but make sure your child is in good hands. Here’s how.

Confession

  • ShionA

    The biggest problem is illustrated in the movie Idiocracy. Intelligent people don’t seem to be reproducing enough and the people that shouldn’t reproduce too much. It sounds like a joke, but it’s really happening. Look at the “Double Fisted Bacon Cheeseburger” Ruffles. It’s expensive, but I feel like I have to have children to save the world.

    • Maja

      i love that you just quoted idiocracy, and though i am aware of the myriad problems that contribute to the people who are the least ‘fit’ reproducing (a lot of these problems are systemic), i agree with you.

    • http://www.running-on-coffee.blogspot.com Amanda

      This argument you bring up is why a close friend says my husband and I need to have children. :)  He says because we both have graduate degrees, we are obligated to reproduce to help counteract babies born in poverty.

      • nela

        amanda – i appreciate ShionA’s comment about idiocracy, but im not sure that you can ‘counteract’ babies born to intelligent parents and babies born to those not quite as fit on a 1-to-1 basis. Furthermore, poverty alone isnt always a predictor for success of children etc. – there is parental intelligence, opportunities, etc etc etc. Overall, your comment is pretty ignorant.

        • http://www.running-on-coffee.blogspot.com Amanda

          I did not say that this “reason” for having children was my personal opinion.  I only commented as another person brought up this pro-reproduction “argument.” In fact, I’ve already commented on this article that I do not even know if my husband and I will chose to have children.  I am aware of the variety of predictors for success in children– and I shared those with my friend when he suggested we NEED to have kids.  Working with children and families is what I do for a living; I am not ignorant on the matter.

          • maja

            Logically and technically, none of the things you just listed exempt you from being ignorant on the topic, including the fact that you work with families and children. Besides, if you shared the variety of predictors with your friend, you shouldnt have been so simplistic in your answer in an online forum — you have to be literal, explicit, and precise, or else you will leave too much room for error. Secondly, your ‘one to one’ argument is still incredibly problematic.

          • http://www.running-on-coffee.blogspot.com Amanda

            I did not make a “one-to-one” argument.  I merely stated that a friend cited the same “reason” for having children as ShionA suggested in her comment.  Acknowledging that I have heard this thought before. 

            Let it be clear: I do not share this belief, and if I ever do have children, it will not be to “save the world.”

          • maja

            Allow me to quote: “we are obligated to reproduce to help counteract babies born in poverty.” Whether you meant 1 to 1, or 1 to 24, or 51 to 1, “counteracting” babies born to those who are “unfit” with babies born to those who are ‘fit’ is a bogus concept. A critically thinking mind should be able to grasp this. Where did you say that graduate degree was from?

          • Amanda

            To quote: “He says because we both have graduate degrees, we are obligated to reproduce to help counteract babies born in poverty.”

            emphasis on “he says.”  Again, not my opinion.  This is why I clarified with this statement: I merely stated that a friend cited the same “reason” for having
            children as ShionA suggested in her comment.  Acknowledging that I have
            heard this thought before. ”

            I’m done defending this. Apologies for not being more precise in my first comment.

          • maja

            Again, in writing, you have to be literal, explicit, and precise, or else you will leave too much room for error. 

          • nela

            Well said, Maja – I couldnt have worded it better myself.

      • nela

        amanda – i appreciate ShionA’s comment about idiocracy, but im not sure that you can ‘counteract’ babies born to intelligent parents and babies born to those not quite as fit on a 1-to-1 basis. Furthermore, poverty alone isnt always a predictor for success of children etc. – there is parental intelligence, opportunities, etc etc etc. Overall, your comment is pretty ignorant.

    • Anonymous

      Well, aren’t you special. Like your children will grow up to be like you. What did Santa have to say about that? How about the Easter bunny? You’ll have kids and you’ll be a breeder-brain, just like all the other breeder-brains. 

  • http://sarahspy.tumblr.com sarahspy

    thanks to the author for sharing this perspective. i’m so glad it’s becoming more accepted for women to have this thought process… i’m going through it myself, and i especially appreciated the question regarding how to handle your later years, without children to care for you. there are so many pros and cons to this huge personal decision, and it’s a relief to have perspectives like this to consider along the way!

  • http://sarahspy.tumblr.com sarahspy

    thanks to the author for sharing this perspective. i’m so glad it’s becoming more accepted for women to have this thought process… i’m going through it myself, and i especially appreciated the question regarding how to handle your later years, without children to care for you. there are so many pros and cons to this huge personal decision, and it’s a relief to have perspectives like this to consider along the way!

  • http://sarahspy.tumblr.com sarahspy

    thanks to the author for sharing this perspective. i’m so glad it’s becoming more accepted for women to have this thought process… i’m going through it myself, and i especially appreciated the question regarding how to handle your later years, without children to care for you. there are so many pros and cons to this huge personal decision, and it’s a relief to have perspectives like this to consider along the way!

  • http://sarahspy.tumblr.com sarahspy

    thanks to the author for sharing this perspective. i’m so glad it’s becoming more accepted for women to have this thought process… i’m going through it myself, and i especially appreciated the question regarding how to handle your later years, without children to care for you. there are so many pros and cons to this huge personal decision, and it’s a relief to have perspectives like this to consider along the way!

  • http://sarahspy.tumblr.com sarahspy

    thanks to the author for sharing this perspective. i’m so glad it’s becoming more accepted for women to have this thought process… i’m going through it myself, and i especially appreciated the question regarding how to handle your later years, without children to care for you. there are so many pros and cons to this huge personal decision, and it’s a relief to have perspectives like this to consider along the way!

  • http://sarahspy.tumblr.com sarahspy

    thanks to the author for sharing this perspective. i’m so glad it’s becoming more accepted for women to have this thought process… i’m going through it myself, and i especially appreciated the question regarding how to handle your later years, without children to care for you. there are so many pros and cons to this huge personal decision, and it’s a relief to have perspectives like this to consider along the way!

  • http://sarahspy.tumblr.com sarahspy

    thanks to the author for sharing this perspective. i’m so glad it’s becoming more accepted for women to have this thought process… i’m going through it myself, and i especially appreciated the question regarding how to handle your later years, without children to care for you. there are so many pros and cons to this huge personal decision, and it’s a relief to have perspectives like this to consider along the way!

  • http://sarahspy.tumblr.com sarahspy

    thanks to the author for sharing this perspective. i’m so glad it’s becoming more accepted for women to have this thought process… i’m going through it myself, and i especially appreciated the question regarding how to handle your later years, without children to care for you. there are so many pros and cons to this huge personal decision, and it’s a relief to have perspectives like this to consider along the way!

  • http://sarahspy.tumblr.com sarahspy

    thanks to the author for sharing this perspective. i’m so glad it’s becoming more accepted for women to have this thought process… i’m going through it myself, and i especially appreciated the question regarding how to handle your later years, without children to care for you. there are so many pros and cons to this huge personal decision, and it’s a relief to have perspectives like this to consider along the way!

  • http://sarahspy.tumblr.com sarahspy

    thanks to the author for sharing this perspective. i’m so glad it’s becoming more accepted for women to have this thought process… i’m going through it myself, and i especially appreciated the question regarding how to handle your later years, without children to care for you. there are so many pros and cons to this huge personal decision, and it’s a relief to have perspectives like this to consider along the way!

  • http://sarahspy.tumblr.com sarahspy

    thanks to the author for sharing this perspective. i’m so glad it’s becoming more accepted for women to have this thought process… i’m going through it myself, and i especially appreciated the question regarding how to handle your later years, without children to care for you. there are so many pros and cons to this huge personal decision, and it’s a relief to have perspectives like this to consider along the way!

  • http://sarahspy.tumblr.com sarahspy

    thanks to the author for sharing this perspective. i’m so glad it’s becoming more accepted for women to have this thought process… i’m going through it myself, and i especially appreciated the question regarding how to handle your later years, without children to care for you. there are so many pros and cons to this huge personal decision, and it’s a relief to have perspectives like this to consider along the way!

  • http://sarahspy.tumblr.com sarahspy

    thanks to the author for sharing this perspective. i’m so glad it’s becoming more accepted for women to have this thought process… i’m going through it myself, and i especially appreciated the question regarding how to handle your later years, without children to care for you. there are so many pros and cons to this huge personal decision, and it’s a relief to have perspectives like this to consider along the way!

  • http://sarahspy.tumblr.com sarahspy

    thanks to the author for sharing this perspective. i’m so glad it’s becoming more accepted for women to have this thought process… i’m going through it myself, and i especially appreciated the question regarding how to handle your later years, without children to care for you. there are so many pros and cons to this huge personal decision, and it’s a relief to have perspectives like this to consider along the way!

  • http://sarahspy.tumblr.com sarahspy

    thanks to the author for sharing this perspective. i’m so glad it’s becoming more accepted for women to have this thought process… i’m going through it myself, and i especially appreciated the question regarding how to handle your later years, without children to care for you. there are so many pros and cons to this huge personal decision, and it’s a relief to have perspectives like this to consider along the way!

  • http://sarahspy.tumblr.com sarahspy

    thanks to the author for sharing this perspective. i’m so glad it’s becoming more accepted for women to have this thought process… i’m going through it myself, and i especially appreciated the question regarding how to handle your later years, without children to care for you. there are so many pros and cons to this huge personal decision, and it’s a relief to have perspectives like this to consider along the way!

  • http://sarahspy.tumblr.com sarahspy

    thanks to the author for sharing this perspective. i’m so glad it’s becoming more accepted for women to have this thought process… i’m going through it myself, and i especially appreciated the question regarding how to handle your later years, without children to care for you. there are so many pros and cons to this huge personal decision, and it’s a relief to have perspectives like this to consider along the way!

  • Brittney0107

    I feel bad for this woman. If I was raised by a mother who constantly said she didn’t want to have as many children as she did, I would feel unwanted as a child and an adult. No wonder she doesn’t have kids. I’m sure she doesn’t want to put her children through the same agony. If you don’t want to have children because you don’t want them, you shouldn’t be a mother. At least she knows what she wants, but I am shocked that she is as open about it as she is. It is like publicly announcing selfishness. Plus, getting married at 38 doesn’t exactly set you up for the childbearing years well, which she stated. Poor, poor woman. 

    • http://twitter.com/heatherknight Heather Knight

      Celebrate her success. It was a triumph, not a loss. People have the right to make different choices even against social norms.

    • Anonymous

      Come up with a single reason you had kids that doesn’t start with “I want.” Having kids is the most selfish thing anyone can do. 

    • Liane

      Again, her decision not to have children is not Selfishness….what is selfish is to get pregnant, without thinking about how much money, time, effort and patience he or she would require.  A child should be planned–wanted with love.  We live in a country of free speech.  If you don’t agree, that’s your decision.  But she has a right to tell her side of the story without being criticized.  I applaud the author’s mother, who had seven children not by choice, but loved and took care of all of them regardless.  How many “mothers” have we seen who don’t take care of their many children who end up in foster care???  Can we say BIRTH CONTROL????

  • Deb

    My 2 cents – I reckon it is more selfish to have a kid just for the sake of “this is the norms” or “if I dont have a kid people will think I am selfish and a poor poor woman!” 

  • buxxy

    I never ever thought of having kids…had some ‘oops’ moments but figured that I would not be happy being stuck with a kid when my nature is to travel and be free….I saw how my mother was less than thrilled with 4 kids and I remember her saying stay single and free…I am to this day.  Do I wonder if I made the right decisions?  You bet but that pull of freedom wins every single time.  I don’t care what other people think…I am who I am and not having children is part of my life decsion…now, if I came back again in the next life maybe I’d give motherhood a try…but not now.

  • Awillia8

    You can have a fulfilling life without kiddos even if you don’t write a novel, travel to exotic places, etc. Why do we feel the need to compensate for not having children; or rather the need to say, “I didn’t have children, but look, I’m fulfilling this other social norm” (being recognizably “successful” in the material sense)? This article implies that we have to leave some kind of legacy — either in the form of progeny or material success.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1506633715 Christa Wimberly

    The more I lay out my ‘plan o’ life’ children are not there…I think I will name my degrees instead…LOL

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1506633715 Christa Wimberly

    The more I lay out my ‘plan o’ life’ children are not there…I think I will name my degrees instead…LOL

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1506633715 Christa Wimberly

    The more I lay out my ‘plan o’ life’ children are not there…I think I will name my degrees instead…LOL

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1506633715 Christa Wimberly

    The more I lay out my ‘plan o’ life’ children are not there…I think I will name my degrees instead…LOL

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1506633715 Christa Wimberly

    The more I lay out my ‘plan o’ life’ children are not there…I think I will name my degrees instead…LOL

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1506633715 Christa Wimberly

    The more I lay out my ‘plan o’ life’ children are not there…I think I will name my degrees instead…LOL

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1506633715 Christa Wimberly

    The more I lay out my ‘plan o’ life’ children are not there…I think I will name my degrees instead…LOL

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1506633715 Christa Wimberly

    The more I lay out my ‘plan o’ life’ children are not there…I think I will name my degrees instead…LOL

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1506633715 Christa Wimberly

    The more I lay out my ‘plan o’ life’ children are not there…I think I will name my degrees instead…LOL

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1506633715 Christa Wimberly

    The more I lay out my ‘plan o’ life’ children are not there…I think I will name my degrees instead…LOL

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1506633715 Christa Wimberly

    The more I lay out my ‘plan o’ life’ children are not there…I think I will name my degrees instead…LOL

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1506633715 Christa Wimberly

    The more I lay out my ‘plan o’ life’ children are not there…I think I will name my degrees instead…LOL

  • Anonymous

    Oh for ghod’s sake, LEGACY? Having kids does NOT ensure any kind of legacy. Normal people don’t leave much of a legacy beyond their family and friends. Einstein left a legacy. Jonas Salk left a legacy. Albert Schweitzer left a legacy. John Wayne left a legacy. But the notion of “children as legacy” is quite possibly the mot preposterous notion I’ve ever read. Children as legacy, phooey. You’d have a better chance of having a legacy if you didn’t have kids and actually did something with your life. 

    • lvreader

      Einstein, Jonas Salk, Albert Schweitzer and John Wayne were all someone’s children.

    • lvreader

      Einstein, Jonas Salk, Albert Schweitzer and John Wayne were all someone’s children.

    • lvreader

      Einstein, Jonas Salk, Albert Schweitzer and John Wayne were all someone’s children.

      • Anonymous

        Spoken like a breeder who’s never had an original thought in its life. 

        • lvreader

          haha  Telecat, have you seen a professional for any kind of much-needed help? i.e. medicine, therapy, etc.   I highy recommend you take it easy and relax before something dreadful happens to your health if it hasn’t already. BTW your mother & father were breeders.  ;)

          • Anonymous

            Again, let me know when you can come up with something original. Everything you’ve said, I’ve heard before. Stupid is as stupid does. 

            And yes, my parents were breeders – of the worst kind. 

          • Anonymous

            Again, let me know when you can come up with something original. Everything you’ve said, I’ve heard before. Stupid is as stupid does. 

            And yes, my parents were breeders – of the worst kind. 

          • lvreader

            Yes, Telecat… everything you have ever spoken or communicated is always original. I’m sorry. blah blah blah  advice: Go get a job or something to get you out of the house and away from your computer of which you are enslaved, if you can do that without having a nervous breakdown. Heaven forbid you’d have to interact with real people in real life situations. Note: If you’ve heard the same things before, that is because you are saying the same unoriginal things you’ve already said before. Adios, armchair critic online junkie life-energy-sucking ogre! I can’t believe I even wasted this much time posting to you. What a joke you are.

          • Anonymous

            See ya. Be sure to beat your children for me. 

          • Anonymous

            See ya. Be sure to beat your children for me. 

      • Jane

        And thank you for that lovely piece of Breeder Bingo!  Guess what?  So were Ted Bundy, Charles Manson, John Wayne Gacy, John Wilkes Booth…shall I go on???

  • Anonymous

    Just once I’d like to see a column about the childfree where the subject said, “well, i didn’t have kids because I don’t like them and figured it’d be much better to refrain from having unwanted children,” because there are a lot more people like that in the world than anyone wants to think about. They are not dangerous to children because they just don’t want to be near them. I do my level best to stay away from children as much as possible. Keeps my blood pressure down. 

  • Anonymous

    Just once I’d like to see a column about the childfree where the subject said, “well, i didn’t have kids because I don’t like them and figured it’d be much better to refrain from having unwanted children,” because there are a lot more people like that in the world than anyone wants to think about. They are not dangerous to children because they just don’t want to be near them. I do my level best to stay away from children as much as possible. Keeps my blood pressure down. 

  • Anonymous

    My husband & I chose not to have children a very long time ago, much to the horror of our families & friends.  It was amazing how many people started pestering me after our 1st anniversary!  We did actually try, in 1988, for a few months.  I realized I didn’t really want a baby when I said “If I don’t get pregnant by Sept. we’re quitting, ‘cos I don’t want to be pregnant when it’s hot.”!  We discussed it in depth & decided we’d rather have it be just us.  We too have enjoyed good relationships with our nieces & nephews & had fun spoiling them.  And I too have those fleeting moments, of wanting to snuggle a cute little baby, or dress up a cute little girl, but then I think of puking kids & expenses, and say “That was the best $400 we ever spent (on hubby’s vasectomy)!”!!!  For the past few years we’ve been “pet parents”, and adore our Westie kids–I can even handle it when they puke & unfortunately they know how to run up a big vet bill!  But, on the bright side, they can’t steal from us, get addicted to drugs, run away from home, cost us a fortune in college then move back home, etc., etc., etc.! 

  • Tam

    Having made the Child Free decision at 18 and now being 51, I’ve heard it all, especilly having taught elementary school for 18 years.  The short answer is, “I made a choice.”  We are allowed freedom of choice, I made it.  No I can’t still have children, I took care of that at age 26.  No I won’t adopt.  Yes, I like my life.  Is is “better” than living with children?  For me yes, for others no.  It is just different.  I’m glad others have children, and although I haven’t read the book, I’m glad someone wrote one for women to read.

  • Tam

    Having made the Child Free decision at 18 and now being 51, I’ve heard it all, especilly having taught elementary school for 18 years.  The short answer is, “I made a choice.”  We are allowed freedom of choice, I made it.  No I can’t still have children, I took care of that at age 26.  No I won’t adopt.  Yes, I like my life.  Is is “better” than living with children?  For me yes, for others no.  It is just different.  I’m glad others have children, and although I haven’t read the book, I’m glad someone wrote one for women to read.

  • Tam

    Having made the Child Free decision at 18 and now being 51, I’ve heard it all, especilly having taught elementary school for 18 years.  The short answer is, “I made a choice.”  We are allowed freedom of choice, I made it.  No I can’t still have children, I took care of that at age 26.  No I won’t adopt.  Yes, I like my life.  Is is “better” than living with children?  For me yes, for others no.  It is just different.  I’m glad others have children, and although I haven’t read the book, I’m glad someone wrote one for women to read.

  • Writebrain

    Having children, or not, is personal. My husband and I have five children, all married, and only one grandchild who lives 3,000 miles away. I’ve never suggested to any of our kids that they should have children.  And while there is still a possibility that one or two might- they are all in their late thirties and early forties- this is a decision they must make.  I love our children and their spouses- they have all greatly expanded our horizons, but I don’t look at their lack of progeny as a violation of my right of passage to old age.

  • Writebrain

    Having children, or not, is personal. My husband and I have five children, all married, and only one grandchild who lives 3,000 miles away. I’ve never suggested to any of our kids that they should have children.  And while there is still a possibility that one or two might- they are all in their late thirties and early forties- this is a decision they must make.  I love our children and their spouses- they have all greatly expanded our horizons, but I don’t look at their lack of progeny as a violation of my right of passage to old age.

  • guest

    I can’t help but notice as the globalists destroy the economy through NAFTA, that people who don’t have children are seen as trendy. Wonder why…

  • DumDumGirl

    Thanks for this. I appreciate hearing from like-minded women. Though I try to avoid discussing my decision with outsiders and answer with a vague, “It’s a decision I have thought through,” all too often moms get defensive about it (I imagine vegans face this when they are having a meal with a carnivore). I am not judging them; it’s just not for me. I like kids and I’m a volunteer tutor and have a great niece. I do see many mothers that jumped into it without thinking about what they would do if their child had special needs or if they could not afford the lifestyle they wanted for the family. At least I have thought it all through. I like the life my husband and I share, and it’s not wrong or weird to keep things the way they are - even if that means that my genes die with me – Heaven Forbid I have robbed the world of the next Einstein. :)